User talk:AveryMcC/Brandy Melville

I really liked the new paragraphs that you added to the article, because now the article looks more well-rounded, showing the different aspects of Brandy Melville. I would suggest that you can create different sections when writing about different topics of the brand. For example, you can create sections named "Controversy", "Expansion", or "Brand Identity" (these are just some ideas I came up with based on what you have written). As for the existing section "Current operations and franchises", you can add more information on the brand's global expansion. For example, you can talk about its first store abroad, and/or opening in different countries. Moreover, in the third paragraph, avoid using "I". The paragraph becomes biased and shows your perspective. Lastly, I would suggest you to add some images such as the brand logo and/or images of the Brandy Melville store. This will give a visual image to the readers and be more familiar with the brand. Angelsu52 (talk) 15:18, 21 October 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review- COM 482

Hi Avery!

I found the topic of your article to be very interesting, as I too have shopped at Brandy Melville!

I enjoyed how the article broke down the locations of Brandy stores (who knew Switzerland had so many?). I also really enjoyed how you included the history of the store and its first opening. I never made the connection between the store aesthetic and the models wearing their clothes, which I found to be a very interesting talking point.

A change I would suggest would be to limit the use of your opinion. I understand how difficult that can be, especially with a topic that can be slightly controversial such as Brandy, but I think it will benefit your readers. I am sure that there are many young women who will be reading along and agreeing with what you have to say, but the use of opinion might get your article flagged by other wiki users!

Overall, I think that your plan to expand the article is going great so far, and I look forward to seeing all of the changes you make! :) Seeley32 (talk) 03:09, 25 October 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review- Com482

Hi Avery, I found your article is interesting since I also often shopped at Brandy Melville. I see you add some interesting facts about Brandy Melville's business development. In addition, it is great to add controversy part related to company disputes. However, it should be attention to your opposition be neutral. I think it would be better to introduce some company disputes in the lead, because it is an important part in your article. The article can be improved by adding photos. I think it's easy to find the brand image or store pictures online. Overall the added content improves the quality of the article. I also created the sub-page with your peer review for helping you to develop your article.SpiritedSeagull (talk) 06:51, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Com 482 Peer Review

Hi, Avery I like what you write about Brandy Melville, I bought a lot of clothes from this brand. I enjoyed reading it and I think you added some interesting facts in the article such as the controversy over clothing size and "one-size-fits-all". I could see that you tried to use an unbiased tone when describing the controversial issue which is great. However, I noticed that the sources you used were generally from websites. I believe the article would be improved if there is a more reliable resource such as a published book. Also, the article could be organized more clear by giving each content a proper title. Furthermore, I noticed that you didn't add any pictures to it. It will be better if you put some store photos or photo of people wearing Brandy Melville. Lastly, I would like to provide some information about this Brand. In China, there is only one store located in Shanghai. They only hire good looking sales, people always walk in and take photos of the sales. I don't know if that is the case in other countries, but it's interesting to investigate. I hope this is helpful.LinearBicycle (talk) 13:03, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review COM 482

Hi Avery! I have linked my peer review page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AveryMcC/Brandy_Melville/Vpritchard_Peer_Review Great work! Vpritchard (talk) 22:46, 23 October 2020 (UTC)