User talk:AveryGroner
| This user is a student editor in Oregon_State_University/HST_310_The_Historian's_Craft_(Winter_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, AveryGroner, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:00, 12 February 2020 (UTC)
Patrick Dooris Peer Review
[edit]Lead: I would interlude a time the conference began if you can find it and add something that very briefly says what the main purpose of the convention was like "to discuss political positions". I would also merge the two sentences after the first like "This convention was held in Gainsville, Florida and was in session over the course of the day."
structure: If possible I might include a separate section that just lists the resolutions if they are provided. Overall it looks good and follows the order of the topics discussed in the convention.
tone: completely neutral, no problems.
sources: all reliable either from government resources, .org sites or historical journals.
Proofreading/Writing suggestions: "For the morning session, they met in Roper's Hall then in the Gainsville City Hall for the evening session." is somewhat awkward and contains alot of unnecessary words. it could be shortened to "the morning session met in Ropers hall and Gainsville City Hall later that evening."
add a space between "evening session.It..."
I believe the sentence ".It was established in the morning session that Judge James Dean, Esq.,of Suwannee County Many topics were discussed at the conference..." is a mashup of an incomplete sentence and a complete one ending at "County" and "Many"
"During the conference, they emphasized many things in regards to all the topics." is an unnecessary sentence without relevant information
the words "the convention" appear in the start of almost every sentence in the last half of the article, i would find a way to eliminate some of these
"...the topic of political parties,." needs the comma removed
"... how in a free government, political rights are the rights that are protective of all rights for every man." should remove the comma
Other additions: I would use your citations more. There's only one citation in the main body of the article and only uses one source.
Patrick Dooris (talk) 01:52, 14 March 2020 (UTC)Patrick Dooris
Prof. Smith comments on first draft of Wikipedia article
[edit]Hi Avery,
You have some good material in the article for getting started. Here is what I would like to see in the final version: 1) As your peer reviewer, Patrick, noticed, there are a lot of proofreading errors in the article. I would like to see you carefully and thoroughly proofread your material and correct errors. The biggest one is the incomplete sentence when you discuss Judge James Dean for the first time.
2) I would like to see you break out your article into at least one more heading. Right now, all the content is pretty much under one heading. This leads to confusion because you discuss a wide range of topics under that one heading. For instance, could you break out some material into a new heading called "Political Rights and Activity" and get more specific about how the men viewed political parties and the right to vote? You could add a section on "Property Rights" too, since that seemed to be a big concern. Right now, the article really reads as one long block of material with a bunch of topics mixed together. Splitting it out and going into more detail about certain themes will make it much more readable.
3) Finally, were African American women involved in the convention at all? Our partner website, the Colored Conventions Project, really wants us to add material on women whenever possible. Please check your minutes again on this point and include information on women if possible.StaceySmithOSU (talk) 03:14, 15 March 2020 (UTC)
Noblett feedback from peer review
[edit]Good work on your article Avery. I thought that you were to the point and concise in putting forth the information about the convention of colored men in Florida. In all honesty, I don't see how you could improve the lead of your article as you posed the information easily and understandably. I do think you could make it more clear on who founded the Florida State Convention of Colored Men, I believe you talked about a judge but I was unsure. I really liked your tab on notable members of the convention, after seeing that I will definitely look into my league's members. Your tone was neutral during all times of the article and that was easily visible. Other than making the founders of the convention a tab or taking a little more time on their information, I don't see any other issues.
Noblett97 (talk) 00:28, 13 March 2020 (UTC) Jake Noblett — Preceding unsigned comment added by StaceySmithOSU (talk • contribs)