User talk:Andrewlee155/sandbox

Hey, I think that the information that you added into the article is definitely relevant. The only thing that I would recommend is possibly changing the sentence structure. The sentences are kind of short and choppy and it makes the flow feel slightly awkward when reading it. Other than that, great job! Aslider (talk) 06:28, 26 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Its a great start. I definitely think it will be to your benefit to go through and proofread it a couple times, I noticed some incorrect verb tenses and hyphens in the middle of certain words. Its a great start and the flow of the paragraphs makes a great fit for the heading. My only other critique would be that in the last paragraph, you specifically name the article towards the end but in the beginning you say "in the artcile". I would suggest that you either specifically name both articles or be general with both articles. Erumpfsnavely (talk) 23:34, 28 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]