User talk:Allyvanschaik/sandbox

Good Work

Great start. Well formatted, and extensive for a draft article. At some point, you'll want to add a Table of Contents, which will be automatically generated for you whenever you add headings and subheadings with the = code. I've started the work for you. Chuck Haberl (talk) 22:10, 3 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Interesting! Great Information

In the lead section, the sentence, “Deaf people whom spoke Martha's Vineyard Sign Language were extremely independent,” is used. Also,  “They participated in society as normal citizens, although it was slightly challenging due to discrimination and language barriers.” This is a matter of opinion and strays away from the encyclopedic tone used in Wikipedia pages. I would remove the words I italicized in particular to avoid this.

I would also like to note that the lead section does satisfy the importance of the topic. I learned MSVL is endangered because it is hard for linguists to document MVSL first hand because they cannot experience it themselves.

I really like how the sections/topics are organized. The title of each section effectively tells what the topic covered will be, clearly and concisely.

In “Life as a Deaf Person,” you said, “certainly wasn’t needed,” which is opinion. You also say, “they were treated as normal people,” but in the lead section you mentioned it was hard for them to participate as normal citizens because of discrimination; this information contradicts itself. I’m not sure what you mean.

In the “Sign Language Decline” section, I think you explained the decline very well. I like how you explained Bell’s motive and idea. I get a full picture as to how and why MVSL users slowly declined.

I looked over your references and they all appear to be very reliable (journals, etc.)

Overall, I think you picked a very interesting topic and provided interesting and insightful information as well. I would just be careful with the tone, it does come off opinionated at times. All in all, great job! Jrq8 (talk) 01:43, 7 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]