User talk:Alexbattledust

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Hello! It's good to be here! I have to say the way to talk is a little weird. Alexbattledust (talk) 02:31, 12 February 2020 (UTC)

Welcome!

Hello, Alexbattledust, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:00, 12 February 2020 (UTC)

Prof. Smith comments on first draft of Wikipedia article

Hi Alex,

You have a good start here. Here is what needs to be done to improve your article for the final version.

1) As your peers have pointed out in their reviews on your sandbox talk page, there are a number of grammatical errors or writing problems that you should fix. These include misspelling Frederick Douglass's name, a run-on sentence for your lead, a sentence fragment at the start of the "Convention Issues" section, repetition, and passive voice. You'll want to proofread carefully to clean up the article and improve its clarity.

2) This convention didn't found the Liberator newspaper. It began in 1831 and it was in Boston. Maybe your convention just endorsed the newspaper to represent the interests of the black population? I would like to see you revisit this, reread your minutes, and correct for accuracy.

3) If there isn't a Wikipedia article for the 1848 Newark Convention, you should remove the link from your See Also section.

4)Finally, were African American women involved in the convention at all? Our partner website, the Colored Conventions Project, really wants us to add material on women whenever possible. Please check your minutes again on this point and include information on women if possible.StaceySmithOSU (talk) 01:56, 15 March 2020 (UTC)

Breaugh Peer review comments

- How could your peer improve the lead? Your lead is too long. Try to break it into a few sentences instead of just one long sentence. - Is the overall article structure clear? The overall structure is very well done. You gave an overview followed by a few key points. - Is there balanced coverage of the topic? Is the tone neutral? The coverage seems balanced and the tone is neutral. You have a good lead (after minor editing) and two decent paragraphs. - Are the sources reliable? The sources seem reliable. - What proofreading or writing suggestions do you have to improve the article? Fix the lead. Make it a couple of sentences. The first sentence of your Convention Issues is a fragment. Reword this to make a clearer sentence. Re-read your work. There are several words that do not belong and should be removed.

      In the Conventions Issues: The convention also voted on and established on (remove) a newspaper to publish about this and the (remove) any future conventions called the Liberator. 
      In the Conventions Participants: Alexander Crummell and (remove or change to had) argued for the establishment of a college for black men to help avoid discrimination in colleges while several people including Fredrick Douglas and Henry Garnet argued against the self-enforced (add hyphen) segregation and that there was no need for the creation of the college. This sentence seems a little wordy. Maybe try to make two sentences. Also, the last sentence in Convention Participants seems off. Possible edit: Although Garnet was known for radical speeches, he did not make any during this convention.

- What other things would you add or fix in the article? Read over your article and fix the grammatical errors as mentioned above. I would also try to expand upon the trade deal with the Jamaicans. You seem to go into more detail in the Convention Participants section that simply the participants. I would recommend renaming this section or moving some of the information to the Convention Issues section. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Mpbreaugh (talk • contribs) 03:54, 13 March 2020 (UTC)

McDade Peer Review Comments

Peer Review: Your lead in is one long run on sentence. You should definitely break it up into different sentences, and maybe elaborate more on each topic in the individual sentences as well. Putting the convention participants section before convention issues might make more sense structurally. You also include content that would make more sense under convention issues in the convention participants section. You did a good job of maintaining a neutral tone. Your sources seem reliable as well. There are numerous grammatical errors throughout this article, so be sure to proofread it before you turn it in. Overall, you should definitely try to improve the organization of your article, and try to expand on underdeveloped topics like the trade deal with the Jamaicans. Mcdadee (talk) 18:40, 12 March 2020 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by StaceySmithOSU (talk • contribs)