User talk:AO159
Student protests against structural adjustment
[edit]Hi, I am Andy Obeng, and I am interested in doing a wikipedia article on student protests against structural adjustment in Lesotho. The problems that occur in the continent of Africa are really interesting to me, and I am therefore keen on studying and analysing the World Bank's educational policies, along with its consequences that would end up causing student protests. A THOUSAND FLOWERS: 'Social Struggles Against Structural Adjustment in African Universities' edited by Silvia Federici, George Cafentzis & Ousseina Alidou will help give me a better perspective on this topic.
Topic Paragraph
[edit]The issue of Student protests in Africa is nowadays a fairly niche topic, especially in an area such as Lesotho, in which its very minuscule location hidden inside South Africa often goes unnoticed by the majority of people, with the media often paying closer attention to the issues of students in the Western world as opposed to Africa. In this case study, the mobility challenged, but more importantly the university students face issues that the government allegedly are not fully attempting to solve. Many universities in Africa exploit the neoliberal reforms that are similar to 'laissez-faire' American politics, whereby there is an encouragement of effectiveness and competition with minimal state intervention. Many attempts in Africa have been made by students to protest against such structural adjustments, such as in Makerere University in Uganda, where the increase in tuition fees sparked very militant feedback from students and families. Strikes are often used during these protests, which the Mosothos (citizens of Lesothos) attending the University of Lesotho (UoL) used due to the governments apparent lack of attempts to solve the issue of the lack of funding to provide an allowance for all student at the UoL, which is the basis of the student protests faced at Lesothos.
Peer Feedback
[edit]No1: I think your selection of sections in your article is great, it offers a good insight into not only the reaction to structural adjustment in Lesotho but also the background of structural adjustment itself. The choice to write about disability is a good one, that section was particularly interesting and slots in really nicely, making the reader open their mind and think about it's affects on all the different types of students. You have used a decent number of academic sources which on the whole were referenced well. The only criticism I would have in that aspect is the minor referencing issues and that Bill Snaddon is used a number of times. As this is the case, in your final article it may benefit you to try and find some more sources that solidify the points you make in the article. To improve your article, you could use hyperlinks which allow for the reader to click on a significant word and get taken to another Wikipedia article that gives them more information on that specific aspect. Throughout the article, some sentences feel slightly wordy, rewording them to be more concise may help the reader. Furthermore, long sentences with lots of commas can feel quite jolty and be tough to read. For example, the first line of the world bank section could be cut down to something like 'to provide context, in the 1990's, African countries like Lesotho adopted the World Bank's SAP initiative with the aim of revitalising the economy' if you think it suits. The final improvement I would make is about detail in the violence section. Specific dates of violence and exact locations of violence within Lesotho may help. Sorry that this section went above the references, not sure how to change it.
Peer Feedback links
[edit]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Ppmoi/sandbox
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Carpet49/sandbox#
Response to peer feedback
[edit]To further improve on my article am I going to widen my variety of sources, as the over reliance on a small chunk of references may come off as repetitive when trying to solidify my points, in which the usage of hyperlinks can help with this. Additionally, i will address and improve on my sentence structure. It's been said that many of the sentences I have used run on for too long, which in turn makes my pieces of information less cohesive than it should be. All of the feedback I have received is extremely valid, and as a result it is unlikely that I will leave out certain pieces of feedback, as all of it is valuable in terms of improving my article.