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Burnt (half-hour pilot)

Burnt

Format	Half-hour pilot
Written By	Andrew Wankier
Genre	Dark Comedy

Burnt is a half-hour pilot black "charred" comedy television pilot written by Nicholl finalist Andrew Wankier. The episode follows the Ivy brothers as they struggle to navigate the world of their missing parents, while also assuming responsibility of the family business: a crematorium and mortuary called Ivy Gardens. Set in Wisconsin, the series deals with issues such as sibling rivalry, homosexuality, death, and crime.

Compared to The Righteous Gemstones, Six Feet Under, and Fargo, the show is conceptualized for cable or streaming, for networks such as HBO or Showtime.

Possible tagline include: the original cryptocurrency or dying to preserve the family business.

Premise

A family-owned crematorium

The Ivy family is the big cheese of the local Wisconsin death care industry - the only ones who can boast a crematorium. But when their mother and father suddenly vanish without a trace, the inexperienced and dysfunctional siblings must work against a secretive funeral director as they search for clues to their parents' whereabouts. The hunt soon stumbles them into their parents’ undisclosed world of crime. Inspired by real events.

Background

I worked in a morgue, and our family friends owned a mortuary. I’m from a family of sibling rivalry and closeted homosexualty. After the death of my father, I learned he was a cocaine dealer and that my mother worked as a burlesque dancer, which made me wonder what other secrets parents keep from their children.

Characters

Miles Ivy (30) - Recently lost his start-up company in Chicago. It’s his third venture to go under. He takes his missing parents as an opportunity to occupy the family home. Still unsure which direction to take, Miles hopes his Dog Show podcast, which provides unusual insights into the dog show circuit, might provide a solid revenue stream. He’s very into Star Trek, and like the show, suffers a lack of grounded reality. He hopes to sell the house to earn capital for his podcast and next business idea. He admits he doesn’t really know his younger brother very well, but his parents' absence has revealed subconscious resentment from their childhood - he thinks Jordan was babied. Miles is also in the closet about being gay, carrying “guilt” for being the older brother. He resents Jordan for his relationship with Lissy.  

Jordan Ivy (25) - Pragmatic and needs almost everything, from vacations to relationships, outlined clearly. Unlike his brother, Jordan is burdened by sentimentality and wants to move into the family home to preserve the memory of his parents. Part of him recognizes that his parents being gone is a relief, as they constantly butted heads with his fiancé, Lissy. He’s a registered nurse who takes a leave-of-absence to search for his parents. Like Miles, this crisis has brought to light some childhood traumas with his parents, and mutual resentment with Miles. He thinks Miles abandoned him and was treated like a god because he was first-born. Jordan believes that, if his parents aren’t found, their inheritance can provide him with the resources to provide Lissy a nice, but practical, life.

Rue Fletcher (65) - The Ivy’s funeral director, and the most senior employee. She’s ready to retire but this missing Ivys has thrown a wrench into that plan. She’s familiar with the thievery that parents James-Dean and Paulette conducted behind closed doors. Although Jordan and Miles have known her to be chaotic neutral, her true caustic colors are revealed. She has shady connections and will stop at nothing to ensure her financial security, and she holds the most dangerous weapon anyone could have: confidence.

Lissy Davies (23) - Attention-seeking and entitled. Often wears a “I’m Cancer Free Today” shirt just to score free stuff from restaurants and businesses. Although she never had cancer she rationalizes that the shirt isn’t a lie, as she is technically cancer-free that day. Miles believes Jordan is just infatuated with her and likes being needed. Jordan defends Lissy as someone with a rough exterior but a good soul underneath.

James-Dean Ivy (56) - Sweet natured but a total pushover when it comes to Paulette. A capable father, but was absent a lot due to work and travel. Miles and Jordan don’t feel he encouraged them very much growing up. His fidelity to his wife is dubious. Shown primarily in flashback.

Paulette Ivy (55) - A loving exterior, but in Miles and Jordan’s retrospect, a dysfunctional mess. People love her at first, but she can’t keep lasting friendships. Every new friend is her new “bestest friend ever”. Describes herself as feminist, but her actions don’t speak to this one way or the other. She’s an undiagnosed alcoholic and drama-addict.

Episodes

No. Overall	No. Season	Title	Written By
1	1	"1,800 Degree Fahrenheit"	Andrew Wankier
We drop in on the Ivy brothers, MILES (30) and JORDAN (25), two weeks after their parents’ mysterious disappearance. The local press has harassed the brothers relentlessly, but thankfully (to them), a nearby murder has steered the attention away. Miles and Jordan have always understood their parents to be well-off, as the family mortuary and crematorium has seemingly provided well. But now Jordan finally peeks into his father’s books and is astounded to learn that their parents are flat broke. Seems impossible. To boot, a new crematorium is breaking ground across town. With little to no money to pay employees, the brothers take the funeral services upon themselves. Note: neither brother is that qualified or experienced. The only employee who remains is RUE FLETCHER (65), their parent’s trusted and stubborn funeral director. Rue refuses to leave, saying that this business is her retirement, that their father promised her stock. She excuses herself as a new and curious (in a bad way) client enters. Rue escorts this man a back room. The brothers see Rue offering the man small gold pellets and jewelry for cash. They’re a corpse’s fillings and rings! When they confront Rue about this deal, she remains cryptic (pun intended), and suggests to them that their parents disappearance may have been due to criminal circumstances. Miles and Jordan now, more than ever, wonder if their parents are still alive - although neither know which side to hope for. At home, Miles and Jordan have both officially moved in together. They haven’t lived with one another for twelve years. It’s here, together, that they begin to flash on dysfunctional (but funny to the audience) memories of their parents, JAMES DEAN (56) and PAULETTE (55). Jordan’s fiance, LISSY (23) also visits, criticizing Jordan for taking a leave-of-absence from his nursing job. Lissy wants someone who can provide for her, so she can continue with her volunteer work and “make a difference in the world.” She’s a leach and Miles knows it. In the meantime, Miles’ only outlet, his unremarkable Dog Show Podcast, fails to attract the attention he wants. He knows its niche enough to garner a bigger following - and his two dogs have placed in competitions. Back at the mortuary, they press Rue for more info, interested in how much they can crib from the gold and jewelry. She says it’s the only way her dad and mom could take all those fancy trips of theirs - the ones Miles and Jordan were never invited to. Rue stays tight-lipped - she can trust these fools. To “urn” her trust, they must help her with the next client. With minimal staff, Miles must apply the makeup to the client - an eldery woman - himself. The corpse ends up looking like a Joan Crawford drag queen. Rue enters, verbally lynches him, and instructs him how to abstract her fillings. She rips the tooth out with pliers. Miles attempts this on a regular tooth and accidentally makes the corpse swallow it - oops. Neither of them know where Jordan is - he was supposed to purchase new costume jewelry to replace the corpse’s. He’d better hurry because the funeral is that evening. Jordan, fucking finally, stops by, admitting to cold feet about this entire situation. And this sucks for everyone because the funeral has already started. They’ll need to switch the jewelry prior to the casket closing. Through a series of mishaps, and a clown-looking corpse, the brothers finally accomplish this. They give the jewelry to Rue. She says they work surprisingly well together for doofuses. The brothers admit it was “kind of fun”. Before Rue tells them more information about their parents, there’s a hail of gunfire! Rue books it out of there. Miles and Jordan are left even more bewildered. With Rue gone and not responding to their texts and phone calls, it’s up to them to do the next few funerals alone. The clients are backed up, and due to COVID-19, demands for cremation are at an all-time high. They prepare what they can, but can’t seem to catch up. But if they don’t do it, they lose thousands of much-needed dollars. Miles, knowing how dog cremation works, suggests they just burn multiple bodies all at once to save money and time. No one will ever know, he insists. Jordan knows it’s against ICCFA regulations, and they could go to prison if anyone finds out. “No one cares about Wisconsin” Miles defends. He exploits the flighty press coverage they’ve experienced as his evidence. Jordan remains unconvinced. Back at home, Rue hides in the back. She finally tells them that their parents are dead. They also learn that the family home will be foreclosed if they don’t make the back payments to the mortgage. The brothers flash on more of the bad parenting they experienced growing up. They are rendered with mixed emotions. They need to save the house, both for ulterior reasons. At the crematorium, with no other choice, the brothers stack the bodies and turn the temp to 1,800 degrees ferinhight. They scoop the ashes and distribute the urns to the unsuspecting families. They agree to run this place together in order to save the parents house and to earn extra money. At the end of the day, they have just one urn left, and the client is late to collect. Finally, Miles and Jordan hear someone enter the mortuary lobby. They grab the urn and prepare to meet, but in the lobby... ...stumbles their drunk, and very much alive, mother!