User:Soulgazer

Hello from Kansas City, MO. My primary interests are Philosophy and Literature with an emphasis on Visionary fiction, Metaphysics, Ontology, and Subjectivism. I love editing for grammar and cohesion, but sometimes (as a creative type) I have difficulty employing the strict rules of verification. Hopefully, editing at Wikipedia can teach me something about research and identifying valid resources. More importantly, I hope I can make a difference here.

If I Had a Time Machine

I spent 10 semesters between two Universities without earning a degree. Math wasn't my friend back then. In my early twenties, I wanted to make video games. Unfortunately, in the 90's the United States Midwest was a decade behind West Coast Technology, and there was no clear-cut path for an undergraduate to follow in that type of career. So I decided to major in Internet Technology (why would I want a career in working on machines that are like toys to me). It wasn't the technology that excited me about Video Game Production. It was the art. And there were no digital art courses, let alone degrees, anywhere in Missouri.

But I had another love, writing. And I was good at it, so I took some courses in English literature. But I was strongly opposed to the Literature department's objective views on classical literature. I'm creative. My favorite thing about reading is drawing my own subjective conclusions and inspiration from prolific authors, an activity that was not encouraged by midwestern conservative types (now it's called critical thinking.) As far as the English department was concerned, all the conclusions that needed to be drawn about the meaning and symbolism of work by selected authors had long since been determined. It seemed my only duty as a student of English literature was to memorize their predetermined conclusions and paraphrase them by rote in long, uninspired essays. Thankfully, creative writing courses were introduced the following semester, but I fell into a deep depression based on lack of self-esteem and left college. Blank computer screens used to frighten me, and they still do to a an extent (Aside: I was so negative when I wrote this in 2015. I was battling my self-esteem, I didn't give myself credit for being good at anything).

A few years later I went back to College at Missouri University in Springfield and, to my joy, a highly selective BA in Electronic Arts was available. "This is progressive," I thought. So I became an art student and was admitted into the program after four semesters. By then, I had learned to despise electronic arts and longed for the simplicity of pen and paper. I never finished the degree. I never even took the first course. My life was changing without me. I left College two semesters short of a degree with the knowledge that pedigrees don't make art, artists do.

In 2008, while homeless in Los Angeles, I dedicated myself to the art of the written word while drinking a cup of coffee at 2nd and Ocean Drive. Since a young a obsession with examine the unseen principles and mechanisms that define conscious self-awareness resulted in so many ineffible visions that I yearned after meaning by that would listen, and I wasn't good at speaking--never had the desire to be. Syntax held a sharp aesthetic air and mysterious charm over which I obessed, a love of symbols.

Thanks to those who (Jesus was that you?) kept the outdoor tables there. Thanks to Saint Monica too.

By 2015, my passion for knowledge and my spiritual desire to seek God had grown into a full-fledged (and somewhat opinionated) love of Philosophy, Esoterica, Metaphysics, Occult, and Religion. But I was troubled over the regret never finishing college because I now lack the credibility I need to act as an authority on subjects that impassion me. I feel at a loss. At best, if I could scrounge up the cash, I could easily complete a liberal arts degree which might earn me a career in middle management under the soul-crushing opression of someone else's avarice. Instead, I worked as a security guard at the Kansas City Ford Assembley Plant in Claycomo, Missouri.

In conclusion, If I had a time machine, absolute hindsight, educated choices, a silver spoon, and connections. I would have earned a Doctorate in Philosophy from Cambridge where I would have drank rare vintages of wine in my study and changed the world with my profound insights in a drunken stupor until they wheeled me out in a casket. Even though some say a PhD in Philosophy is economically worthless, for me, following my heart is worth far more than all the material luxuries money and success can buy in this world. There are no time machines. There's no turning back. This is my path. To hell with credentials and disambiguation.

Jen is a unisex name. I made it popular in 2010. Finding it is simple, black and white, both complex and provoking.

Useful Links

Special Thanks

Thanks to John for his kindness and expertise in teaching me Wikipedia Policy.
Thanks to Jeraphine Gryphon for her unusually warm welcome and helpfulness.
Thanks to Chess for giving me my first "thanks" on a major edit.

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