User:Solipsistic Snallygaster

The Solipsistic Snallygaster (July 5, 1300 BC - March 18, AD 2007; from the English words "solipsistic" and "snallygaster") was a mythical Wikipedian from Doris.

Biography

A Heracleid, he took part in the Dorian Invasion, associated with Goliath of Gath before the Battle of Elah, fleeing nobly thereafter to Carthage, where he was instrumental in driving out Aeneas. In revenge for this, Aeneas' descendants caused the Punic Wars, in which the Solipsistic Snallygaster helped Hannibal lead elephants to Chamonix. Anticipating defeat, the Solipsistic Snallygaster retreated, before fighting Caesar in the Gallic Wars.

After this, little is known of his life, until he resurfaces in 17th Century England, where he became a Quaker and joined William Penn in founding Philadelphia. Mysteriously, at some point he returned to Europe and became fluent in German, which he put to full use during his time at Königsberg in the 18th Century, where he became a great friend of Kant.

It is not known when he left Königsberg, but the KGB allege he escaped with the Amber Room during the Summer of 1944. He was sighted boarding the 20th Century Limited at Grand Central Terminal in 1967 and then disappeared for thirty years until he resurfaced in Birmingham, England in 1997. Worries of his bringing the risk of impending Armageddon to the city were blamed on the Millenium bug, from which it is believed he died.

He is buried in the grounds of Cane Hill lunatic asylum in Coulsdon, Surrey.

The Missing Years

Speculation abounds about what happened to the Solipsistic Snallygaster between 52 BC and AD 1666. Possible identifications with Vitruvius, Plutarch, Cerdic, Edgar the Ætheling and William the Conqueror (or even both at once), and Cardinal Wolsey have not been able to be proven.

His Name

It is assumed that the Solipsistic Snallygaster had a name. However, in an interview with the BBC in 1999, it became apparent that even he had forgotten it.