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Someone add in Devo's "Whip It" and Mindfunk's "Mama, Moses, and Me." + L&'s "Broomstick".


nominated for deletion 4 times, last in July 2007: Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/List of songs about masturbation (4th nomination)

This is a list of songs about masturbation, as deliberately intended by their lyricists.

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
88 Lines About 44 Women The Nails Joan thought men were second best to masturbating in the bath.

A

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
AA XXX Peaches Only double A, but I'm thinking triple X
Across the Sea Weezer I wonder how you touch yourself
And curse myself for being across the sea
A.D.I.D.A.S. Korn So I dream and stroke it harder
'cause it's so fun to see my face staring back at me
Addicted Living Legends Every time you jerk off you shorten your life span
That's what somebody told me
Is it true my head man
If it is I'm dead and I need someone here to control me
All By Myself The Heartbreakers I don't need society
To open up my fly for me
I don't need no audience
To shoot you with my cumming sense

I don't think you understand
What's that dripping in your hand?
All By Myself Green Day I was alone
I was all by myself
no one was looking
I was thinking of you
Did I mention I was all by myself
All Figured Out Bowling for Soup And I've got a new direction
A blueprint for erection of new life
It's such a simple situation
Some kind of masturbation
With a new twist
I don't know why
Ass like that Eminem The way you move it, you make my pee pee go

Doing, doing, doing

Auto-Manipulator Crispin Hellion Glover I'm an auto-manipulator
I play with myself, I'm a masturbator
Awesome Fantasies Applied Communications Several hours ago, I threw a tantrum in my bed
Every morning and every night, I throw a tantrum in my bed
I stare in the LCD and my eyes burn
I rub my correctness, sweat into my sheets, then turn.

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
Barrel of a Gun Guster lie back and fast asleep
drip, drop, a lovely dream
Beat it Upright Korn The time is right
I wanna feel it good'n tight.
I'm down to do this all night
I'm gunna beat it upright
Beat On / Beat Off The Presets You wanna eat, let's eat one another
you wanna eat or come
let's burn it out tonight
beat on, beat off.
Be My Girl - Sally The Police She came all wrapped in cardboard
all pink and shrivelled down
a breath of air was all she needed
I took her to the bedroom and pumped her with some life,
and later in a moment that girl became my wife
Been Caught Wankin' TISM I been caught wankin'
(He's My) Best Friend Jellyfish My hands a five leaf clover
and it's palm Sunday over and over
Be Stiff Devo Go solo no no twos and Deep sleepers jerk the root
The Big M Lust Control Masturbation is artificial sex
Billy Liar The Decemberists Billy Liar's got his hands in his pockets
Staring over at the neighbor's, knickers down.
Boys Light Up Australian Crawl Silently she opens the drawer
Mother's little helper is coming out for more
Strategically postitioned before the midday show
her back is arched, those lips are parched
repeated blow by blow
Blister in the Sun Violent Femmes Let me go on like I blister in the sun
Let me go on big hands I know you're the one
Body and heat I stain my sheets I don't even know why
Bracelets of Fingers The Pretty Things These are a few of the things I find joy
Bracelets of fingers since I was a boy
Bullet The Misfits Or be poor, and devoid,
and masturbate me! Masturbate me!
Then slurp it from your palm!
Bustin' a Nutt Tub Ring When it's late it always seems to get the best of me
Palms start sweating my hands start shaking my libido running free
I've been taught since I was a young lad I should repress the urge
But if I don't ditch my pants real soon I think they're gonna burst
But Not Tonight Depeche Mode I'm not containing my pleasure at being so wet.
Here on my own, all on my own,
how good it feels to be alone tonight

C

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
Capitol P Mindless Self Indulgence I don't want to be the one who's stuck with me
when I whip my meat out,
trapped in a room when I start to beat it
Captain Jack Billy Joel Your sister's out, she's on a date, you just sit at home and masturbate
Chokin' the Gopher Pat McCurdy Would you like to know what I'm doing
Til the wee hours of the night?
I can't tell you, but it's something feels so right.
City Sickness Tindersticks I have these hands beating with love for you, and you're not here to touch

sent you away, what else can i do when i need something that much?

I'm okay afterwards, afterwards lasts for minutes only

I'm okay during, you kind of fill up my mind.

Claire Danes Poster Size 14 She is so beautiful, and she always understands
Every once in a while I pretend she's my hand
Climbing the Wall Stereophonics I'm just sitting here playing with myself again. It's turning me on.
Coin Operated Boy The Dresden Dolls
Come To Me JC Chasez Cause when I'm all alone
I lie awake and masturbate
Coming in Hot Peter Tosh I just clean up me muzzle, I just load me barrel, And I cock me hammer, Cause I'm gonna pull my trigger
One minute after dozing, I thought that I was a blazing, My blood it was a boiling, It was amazing
Crunch Bumblefoot While she's sitting and waiting
I'm home masturbating
And I can't get the girlie-girls outta my mind
And I really don't wanna try
Cumming into My Own Lunachicks You had a girl to rock your world
but now you still gotta go jack off

D

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
Dick King Missile He would beat off at least three times a day.
Dirty Dream Number Two Belle and Sebastian Things creep up on you when you are fast asleep
You are dreaming, you are sleepy, you are stuck to the sheets.
Dream two you couldn't see her face, but you saw everything else
Dream two was pretty special, easily beats loving yourself.
Dirty Mind Halestorm I don't need to have you here to feel you crashing into me
I'm better off this way, yeah, not hearing me complain
And I don't need to taste your lips, I've satisfied my appetite
Me and my dirty mind been workin' overtime
Doing Laundry Nerf Herder I was thinking of you when I jerked off into my sock.
Darling Nikki Prince I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine
Digital Get Down Nsync I get so excited when I'm watching, girl. I can't wait to see you touch your body, girl.
Donald & Lydia John Prine And when they were finished, there was nothing to say, 'Cause mostly they made love from ten miles away. -

E

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
Eat to the Beat Blondie Ah, sweeter sweeter you beat your meat
I know you do it, I know you do it.
Eaunanisme Mylène Farmer c'est si doux la brûlure
là ou ta main me touche
et coule cette écume
de ma bouche
Electrobix Scissor Sisters I just wanna watch the tube and stroke my bone
Everyday I Die Tubeway Army I unstick pages and read
I look at pictures of you
I smell the lust in my hands

F

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
Fack Eminem
Faster Third Eye Blind In bed she flexes her knees to try and abate the feeling/ She mouths the words 'please' to the poster on the ceiling.
Feelin' Myself Dolla Cocky and arrogant/Feelin' myself like I'm off my own medicine/Nuts of an elephant/Dope boy stamina/I ain't taking pictures I'm too cool for the camera/Flossin all u bitches like a boss, you's a amateur
Femtex Therapy Masturbation saved my life.
Fight for Your Right to Masturbate Nerf Herder You've gotta fight for your right to masturbate!
Fingers P!nk I bite my tongue because I wanna scream I’m almost there then you turn and look at me.
Firin' the Surgeon General Roy Zimmerman I used to flog the dolphin/Used to choke the chicken/Used to spank the monkey/Used to fool with the tool/I used to whip the bishop/Used to wax the weasel.
First Orgasm The Dresden Dolls I am too busy to have friends / a lover would just complicate my plans / so I will never look for love again / I'm taking matters into my own hands.
Flagpole Sitta Harvey Danger Fingertips have memories, I can't forget the curves of your body, And when I feel a bit naughty, I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.
Forgiven Alanis Morissette I never forgot it, confusing as it was / No fun with no guilt feelings... My brothers they never went blind for what they did / But I may as well have.
Freeek! George Michael You shoot off, take your time/In the house with a bitch and a mouse/And your daddy's plastic how fantastic yeah.
Friggin' in the riggin (Traditional The Sex Pistols Friggin in the riggin, wanking on the planking, masturbating on the plating.

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H

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K

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
The Keys To Your Ferrari Thomas Dolby My hand slipped inside the belt of my trousers
as we passed eighty ninety miles an hour
and as we hit the magic 100
my love exploded all over her bright pink leather interior
and at that moment I thought of my mother
Kleenex Generation X Wipe out sex, Kleenex! Better than love, Kleenex!

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M

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N

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S

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
Sex Machinegun Sex Machineguns MAS-TAR-BAY-TION!
Sex With Someone You Love Ian McNabb You walk home on your own it's been a busy day,
you curse the stars above.
You pull your duvet round you,
shelf the problems that surround you,
and have sex with someone you love.
Sexxx Dreams Lady Gaga When I lay in bed I touch myself and think of you.
Shadow Zone Static-X All of this masturbation
it becomes my salvation.
She Bop Cyndi Lauper Hey i've been thinking of a new sensation,
I'm picking up - good vibration
- oop - she bop -

they say i better stop - or I'll go blind.
She's Vibrator Dependent Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper She just wants to play with her toys,

My wife's in bed with a jerk,
She's in there with a piece of plastic,
Yelling and screamin super deluxe creaming.
Silence Kit Pavement Till five hours later I am chewin' screwin'
Myself with my hand.
Sincerely, Me Better Than Ezra The cross you bear.
The way you swear.
The face you make,
when you masturbate.
Six Minute Workout The Greaseman And a 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 switch,
and a 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 feel that bad boy twitch,
and an up and down and around and around
and an up and down and around and around
and pound pound pound
and oooo that's extra sweet.
Sleep Forever Bree Sharp Quieting the monsters with a tiny hand,
And tiny circles, Circling the fuzz,
but it's not the buzz I'm after when I come.
Smut Skyhooks Slip into a cinema and give yourself a treat,
Better take a raincoat could be sticky on the seat,
Open up you Twisties and open up your fly,
Pictures start to flicker as your hand moves down your thigh.
Somebody's Got An Erection The Cinnamen I don't do it cause I'm lonely,
I don't do it cause I'm gay,
I don't really have a reason,
I just do it anyway.
Spank Thru Nirvana I can feel it, I can hold it, I can bend it, I can shape it
I can mold it...I can cut it...I can taste it
I can spank it...beat it...masturbate it.
Stimulate The Detached You know I've got these pictures of you
and I don't really know what to think
I curl my toes in the carpet
grip one hand on the sink
nobody's next to me
my eyes no longer see
leaving no room for doubt
it's time to let it out
spilling all over me
for the whole world to see
nobody calls my name
winning at my own game
St. Swithin's Day Billy Bragg With my own hands
when I make love to your memory.
Stroke Happy J-Zone To masturbate
it felt so good
it felt so nice.
Summerbaby Polaris Every drop of sex, every little mess I make, I was around
(I was around I was around)
I was around, nobody knows, nobody knows...


U

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V

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W

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X

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Y

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Song Artist Relevant lines Lyrics
Your Electronic Friend Pat McCurdy I could be gentle and sweet
But I could never compete
With your electronic friend
Buzz buzz buzz.
You're Makin' Me High Toni Braxton Touching my private parts
With just the thought of you
I can’t help but touch myself.
Yummy Down On This Bloodhound Gang Giving it diff'rent strokes just like Arnold Drummond.

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References

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