User:Sarahhem23/Burnishing (pottery)/BTayOkay Peer Review
Peer review
Complete your peer review exercise below, providing as much constructive criticism as possible. The more detailed suggestions you provide, the more useful it will be to your classmate. Make sure you consider each of the following aspects: LeadGuiding questions:
ContentGuiding questions:
Tone and BalanceGuiding questions:
Sources and ReferencesGuiding questions:
OrganizationGuiding questions:
Images and MediaGuiding questions: If your peer added images or media
For New Articles OnlyIf the draft you're reviewing is for a new article, consider the following in addition to the above.
Overall impressionsGuiding questions:
Examples of good feedbackA good article evaluation can take a number of forms. The most essential things are to clearly identify the biggest shortcomings, and provide specific guidance on how the article can be improved.
Additional Resources |
General info
[edit]- Whose work are you reviewing?
Sarahhem23
- Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
- Burnishing (pottery)
Evaluate the drafted changes
[edit]Overall
I would say this a good start to the article. You have defiantly fleshed out a lot of the important pieces of information. I particularly like that you added the process of burnishing and some of the different materials that can be burnished. You have definitely improved the article!
I did already change some grammatical things -- nothing too big. I just reorganized some sentences. My biggest recommendation would be to pull some information out and create new sections so the lead can be a true lead (a summary of the article) and the the information can be easier to read.
Lead
Right now, there is no real lead. The whole article is the lead. Look at all the different pieces of information there are, figure out what categories they belong to, create sections in the article for those different categories, and then summarize everything in the lead.
For example, there can be a section call "Process" or "How to Burnish" or something like that. You can the put all of that information in that section. Then in the lead you just need to say something like, "Burnishing is a form of pottery treatment that uses a hard smooth surface to polish the surface of the pot." You can maybe give some examples in the lead, but leave the specifics for the section later in the article.
Content
Other sections you could create, at least from what I'm seeing (I don't really know about burnishing): you could have a whole section about the different materials that can be burnished; perhaps (if you have the sources) you could write about how burnishing is used in different cultures or throughout history.
I would also recommend explaining some of the information in the article already. For example, "It is described as a low-tech way of finishing pottery because burnished pottery needs to be fired below 1832F (1000C), which is different from firing glaze." How is it different than firing glaze? Someone reading the article, like me, may not know the process to fire glaze, so you need to give them a little info on how they are different.
Tone and Balance
I think the tone is very neutral and balanced.
Sources and References
Read through the article again and find the facts that have not been cited. If it is a fact, it should have a citation. For example, "Leather-hard clay is partially dried clay that is in-between being malleable and being brittle." Who says? I know this is a pretty simple fact and may not seem important to cite, but it is a fact and should be cited.
Organization
I've already talk about this a it so I won't got to much more into it, but breaking things out into different sections, and making a true lead, will make it easier to read. The first paragraph is especially hard to read at the moment. If it was a real summary of the article, and then the main information was put into different sections, the whole article would flow much better.