User:Rushpedia

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This user is in school.

This user is taking a wikibreak and may be away or inactive for varying periods of time.
Although they may occasionally be able to do some editing, messages left for them may not be replied to for a while.
They will be back on Wikipedia when school is over.

Rushpedia is currently feeling depressed, stressed, experiencing mental breakdowns, or any other personal mental health issues which may affect their ability to work on Wikipedia. They may react sensitively or with visible frustration in conflicts, or be overall very quiet and not as active as usual and may respond to messages at a slower pace. They will likely return to their regular work on Wikipedia soon, but in the meantime, your patience and understanding is greatly appreciated.

This user is hella gay

Introductions

He/They
I'm Rush, I like sharks. I don't like living in America, but I can't move away.
I'm a game developer, and I make music.
I'm not really able to do anything than minor grammar and punctuation edits, due to being busy with school.
Most of my games are made in Scratch because I can't be bothered to master anything else.
I love Blåhaj

Currently working on

Xenon Undertale Engine
Nothing else really tbh.

Game Dev Shenanigans

My code worked first time and I'm worried.

Depressed Ramblings

More and more people are targeting me and harassing me, seemingly for their own enjoyment. Life seems to hate me too. I've had incredibly horrible luck for the past little while. I almost got my right eye slashed. My memory has gotten worse, and still is. I can barely even remember things that entered my memory 2 minutes before. I don't think I'm eating enough, my stomach commonly feels like it's being cut to ribbons with several steak knives. I think my account is being threatened to be blocked. I don't know why, since the top of my user page clearly says that I can't really make many edits to actual pages while in school.

I feel like nobody here even likes me, but I don't want to leave because being here makes me feel like I'm actually helping in some way. I feel like people might even actively want me gone. I don't know what to do. I'm burnt out, I don't have the motivation to do anything but let the probably nonexistent people who read my user page know that I haven't killed myself yet. I thought I was free of the cycles when I was able to get into a school that seemed to be one that I would be able to feel free in. I was wrong. I'm in a worse Ad Infinitum, feeling like if I do anything wrong at all, I'll be expelled, and my future will be completely destroyed. Coding has become boring to me, and playing games has too. I feel like I already failed getting my good future a long time ago, and I'm only just now realizing that it doesn't even matter anymore.

With whatever the f*ck is happening now with politics in the US, I feel like I'll be arrested any day now for not being a Cisgender Heterosexual man. I genuinely don't think I have any good futures that are reachable anymore. I've burnt myself out of every last thing that I used to love, and I'm now just a husk of what was once a cheery person who wanted to be everyone's friend. I feel like I messed up so early by being too naive, allowing myself to be thrown around so easily. I feel like it may have messed me up so bad that I wont be able to heal from it. None of the therapists that I've gone to throughout my life have helped at all. Ad Infinitum is hell.

I don't know how much longer I can do this. I need help.

Please.