User:Puntaporfavor/Billy Bench

Billy's Bench

Awarding of the Bench:

Billy's Bench was originally a lame cop-out because (ex-convict) Seanillious Allen forgot the original present for Sir Billimiester Borda (part-time swimmer, full-time party animal). But his handsome, quick thinking, modest, older, better looking, etc., brother Knight/Doctor/Cold Hearted ping-pong player Matt Allen came up with the ingenious plan of awarding their comrade Billimiester with a handsome bench at a local pool called Saint Anthony Pool for the Adorable.

History of the Bench:

The Benches wood came from a now extinct Psshimnotmakingthisup Tree (South Africa). This curious wood was worshiped by the local tribes and when King Richard the Lion-Hearted heard of these mystical trees he ordered it too be made into benches to be used in his personal apartments. When Merlin the Evil Wizard heard of this he grew jealous and conjured up a storm that forced the boat into a secret dock somewhere in Germany. Around 1917 it is believed that the fabled benches were smuggled into Poland. In an attempt to hide the powerful benches from the Nazi invasion, they were shipped to England. Sadly a German submarine sunk the ship and it lay forgotten on the bottom of the English Channel for 50 years. Rumors of giant sharks that slept on the planks of strange benches leaked out to the world from local shipermen and in 1996 the courageous French explorer Matthew Allan (no relation to the ping pong playing prodigy) found the wreck while saving a ,er, underwater, burning orphanage. Unfortunately the benches were beat up while underwater, and the sharks kinda chewed on it so now the benches look like they were attacked by a bunch of kinder gardeners wielding jackhammers. Now they sit on the edge of STA, bestowing their magical gifts on the fortunate.

Magic Stuff Done by the Bench:

• Invented fireworks (score!)
• Gave Matt Allen incredible good looks and the ability to seduce anyone.
• This one cat that sat on it one time now can't stop doing cartwheels

In a nutshell: Matt gave Billy best gift ever, a superfly bench.