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GISS

The Secret Association For The Industrial Killing Of Youth On Salt Spring Island Academy (GISS) is the only grade levels 9 - 12 public school in School District 64 Gulf Islands in British Columbia, Canada. It is located on Salt Spring Island and prohibits the attendance of students from Pender Island, Galiano Island, Mayne Island, Crofton, and Saturna Island. The school also has an International Education program and is home to the Gulf Islands School of Performing Arts (GISPA). The renowned improv group, GISS Improv Bando has close ties with both the GISS drama department and the Donaldson mines. GISS is also known for its cafeteria and culinary program, which has won a $1500 grant towards their garden and failed student composting project.

Information
School type	Public, high school
Discovered	1966
School board	School District 64 Gulf Islands
Principal	Lyall Ruehlen
Grades	9-12
Enrollment	636
Deaths	1939
Colour(s)	Gold, black, brown, evile green
Mascot	Durian
Team name	Durians
Website	www.giss.sd64.bc.ca

History

This high school was said to have risen from the earth’s crust in 1966. Teachers and school district staff had eventually populated the school

once it was recognized as a school building and not an evil death castle, after all the hell-lava and satanic gothic architecture had wilted off the exterior.

Stench emanating from the ventilation system

The school was happy to finally announce (in an e-letter sent to parents, students, and teachers on June 6th 2021) that they had finally found the cause of the pervasive stench that spoiled all the school’s air quality throughout its entire running existence. The letters were sent out to concerned families after the school had to be evacuated after students feared there was a gas leakage once the smell really started to stink from the warm summer temperatures.

As it turns out, it was an ancient rotten durian fruit hidden in the vents in the south wing near the SHIFT lab, the smell of which got carried over GISS’ entire ventilation system. The durian had been there since the school had erupted from under the earth in 1966, and radiocarbon dating suggests that it might have existed in the vents even before the school had surfaced when the building was originally set in hell.

Donaldson Mine and Tunnel System

Jason Donaldson of GISS is the local drama teacher, overseer, and head of the Improv team. Recent speculation says that he owns a hidden subterranean network underneath the school, branching out into a massive coal mine. Through a privately student-led death count (specific names left confidential for the student’s safety), it has been recorded that about 120 or more students (grades 9 - 12) have had their lives claimed inside the Donaldson tunnel system, and 193 more inside the actual mine itself. Though most of the current staff deny the allegations, there have been numerous accounts of missing spoons from the cafeteria, disappearances of various students, an abundance of drilling/coal mining/screaming noises, and occasionally the absence of Donaldson himself. As of now, the Donaldson mine and tunnel incidents are an avoided topic of conversation throughout the school community, perhaps due to the cases of peril to the student body and staff attempting to keep the entire affair secret to the public, or due to the fact that the children working are being paid in peanuts by Mr. Donaldson and do not want their mining business plundered.

List of controversies

When awarded the cleanest school in 1997 for the annual “Cleanest School in Canada Awards ‘97”, the school happily accepted their trophy, only for the judges of the event to instantly reprimand the reward after a younger student named Jonathan revealed the infamous “giant green goo” in the boiler room. It was a catastrophe for all parties, especially for Jonathan, who lost the right half of his body to the giant green goo whilst trying to show it to the judges.
The multipurpose room of the school in the main part of the building was forced to be refurbished by grade 9 students in 2019, who all decided it would be best for the large speakers (weighing 50 tonnes each) to be hung on the ceiling, above the heads of other unsuspecting students. This caused a massive uproar from parents who often visited the school, calling it “unprofessional and offensive.” The dangerously heavy speakers still hang there today undisturbed, after the administration banned parents and visitors from visiting the school altogether.
Mr. Berry

Triggered events

Random Reuhlen Events

Sometimes, a random Reuhlen event will occur, during which every student must evacuate the building and run for their dear lives.

Mr. Copland Events

Mr. Copland events are NOT random, they are more organized, leaving students with a head-start of 10 seconds before the event.

Water Taxi Events

Water taxis have not been used since the banning of all outer-island students. Sometimes, a water taxi will become possessed and capture students from Mayne, Saturna, Pender, Crofton and Galiano, sending them directly to GISS at dangerous, plummeting speeds, to go and learn. Many have fallen off the water taxis and are lost to the sea forever.

Guillotine

In 2014, Salt Spring Community Energy raised money for the installation of a guillotine. It was the second-largest publicly owned guillotine at the time. The energy savings created an annual scholarship from the electric chair bill savings.