User:Nicbrooks

Nic Brooks, a man, a hero, a legend? Some say yes. Usually, he is referred to as the robot killing machine known as Skeletoraminocoloco. He was a space ranger for several years, but currently fights crime with the Police of New York as a special investigator. Currently, he is on leave with a special case in Rolla, MO.

Nic Brooks is known as a hero, a man, a legend, and sometimes kitty-napper. Though he is not feared, his power is feared. If seen on the streets, it is known to be a normal everyday occurence, as noone cares.

The Early Years

Nic Brooks was born as a mutant in January 1, 1. He has since then been claimed sexiest man alive 11 times out of 10 times. When he was 5, he wrestled God, they called it a draw when God bit his lip and Nic skinned his knee on a pebble, also known as Earth, but Jesus was quoted to have said, "Totally awesome, Nic! OWNED DAD!" After the fight, Nic moved on to another town, another fight, another life. He was a sherriff for several years under the assumed name of Jebidiah Supercat. When the first crime came to the little town of RockyTwo, he left and hid in a cave.

The Cave Years

After his escape to the cave, he found refuge with an old bear named Erin. The bear befriended him and tought him how to skin kittens for food. They hunted together until Erin's untimely death due to an undercooked Persian shorthair. Nic kidnapped cats for the next 400 years until his capture at the Rolla Veterinary Hospital in late 1963.

1963, The Fall of Nic Brooks

In October, 1963, Nic Brooks was captured in Rolla. He was sentenced to 4 decades of Kitten Declawing and Grooming. He escaped from the Trashcan behind the Cat Factory in 1873, raising more questions. In 1989 he disguised himself as a small infant and hid inside a woman's uterus. She was expecting Twins, but there was only one child inside. He assumed the identity of the 2nd infant and was born as Nicolas Andru Brooks, a hero to the people.

Nicolas Andru Brooks, the Monster.

After attacking the pope with a tent pole, he was banished to the land of the Rising Sun. Japanese called him a monster, while tourists thought he was a cutie pie. They were all wrong, and both right. He killed 7 Bonsai trees that night, and fled in the darkness. He swam all the way to New York, going east. It took him several years, but he did it. If you don't believe him, he will break you in half with his amazing, developed, flipper feet.

Shamu vs. God with Nic Brooks as the Referee

Shamu was enjoying his fish dinner at the local pond when God told him that he had something on his back. Shamu, being gullible, looked, and God told him that it was just an ugly growth. His face. Nic stepped in to stop the rioting of Dolphinites and then Jesus stepped in to stop the rioting of the Churches. God rolled up his sleeves and destroyed Shamu, but Shamu left a surprise. A large pile of feces in God's shoes. This in turn caused all of the hippies to riot, as he was one of God's creatures, and they were all too high to realize that he was indeed, God. Several were smashed by meteors, others died when God shot lasers from his toes. This sparked a revolution known as The Holy Fighter War. This ended in seconds as the last enemy of God was destroyed by an apple thrown at 240 miles per hour.

Applesauce - Year 1

After the battle and the defiance of the deity, God stormed off in a rage. It was clear to God that Nic had taken the side of the dolphinites, as he had stopped them instead of holding back the churches. Jesus consulled his father, but to no avail. The battle was over and he had no time to wait to finish the war. Nic was stripped of his abilities to speak to the dolphins, as previously unmentioned. He was then sent to the middle of the United States as penance for his war crimes. He was caged and chained in a large Wal-Mart storehouse, where he met Johnathan Appleseed. They became the best of friends. They spent nearly every day together, and Johnny eventually helped Nic break out of the terrible Sam's Club. They fled in the night to an orchard 4 miles east. Brooks and Appleseed had been traveling for 4 months to random orchards around the globe when Nic confided in his companion the reason for his banishment. He detailed the entire battle, and Johnny was entirely shocked. Nic had seen the savage destruction of apples and apple-lovers alike, and had done nothing to stop this tragedy. Johnny plotted to kill Nic in his sleep with his frying pan, but Nic was too awake and innocent. Johnny decided against the plot and went to sleep. Nic slaughtered poor Johnny with a mallet and a garden gnome named Gary. The rest, is as they say, history, until the resurrection.

Applesauce - Year 2: Resurrection in Baghdad

After the death of his closest friend at his hands, he fled the country in search for hospitality. He found refuge in a small village in Baghdad, where he became a local hero for being able to stop rocket propelled grenades with his mind. This put alot of strain on his shoe laces, and this donned the nickname, or "Nic-Name", if you will, Shoe Lace Race, as he'd race to position himself in between the rocket and his small family of mice friends he met in the desert. There were numerous reports of an apple thief miles north of his location, but he disregarded them for gossip and coincidence. Within 5 hours of the feast in his honor, Nic was fast asleep. The village was overrun by zombies of an apple-sort. Nic was awoken by a small child with a an apple core holding him at gunpoint. Nic disarmed the apple and ripped out his seeds. He interrogated the apple for whatever knowledge he may hold. The core revealed that the leader of the zombie renegade group was none other than Johnny Appleseed, the Red Rebel. He packed his bags and walked outside to tell the rebellion to go home or they would all be consumed. They didn't leave. Nic called up a favor from Jesus and 4,000 angry rabbits descended from the heavens. He left the town in search of the former sidekick Appleseed. The rest, is as they say, history, until the battle.

Applesauce - Year 3: The Rise of Raggedy Anne

Brooks walked 4 miles North with a friend named Juavez, the Spanish psychic with a large appetite for destruction, soothed only by the remnants of discarded apples. When they came upon a small trail of apple seeds, they began to follow them, believing that Brooks' once lost friend, turned enemy, would be found once more. This was a trick, as Raggedy Andy was devouring Appleseed upon the arrival of Brooks and his companion. Andy began throwing cans of empty tomato soup at Brooks while Juavez was assaulted with (possibly, no eye witness can confirm this fact) abandoned baby carriages. Brooks was unaffected by the cans and walked briskly forward to Andy and pushed him. Andy fell back off a chair he was standing on. Brooks, not knowing there was a large velociraptor behind Andy, pushed Andy to his doom, as the velociraptor engulfed Andy within his jaws, and quickly digested him. Anne ran out from behind a tree, she had secretly been watching from afar, and cried in despair at the loss of the young and kind-hearted Andy. She developed a large apendage on her left arm that screamed as soon as it sprouted. It is believed to have told her to murder Nic Brooks and his companion Juavez. She misinterpreted this and put her ear next to Nic, under the assumption that it had said to "heard". Juavez took it into his best interest and whispered all of his personal secrets into her ear. She quickly shivered and grew to an immense height. She fell over into a large pond and drowned, or didn't drown, but dissolved over several thousand years, being made of sugar cloth and smiles.

The Machine Wars

After the rise and fall of the world's least powerful tyrant, a power scramble was in order and the leading nations decided war was the only option to find who deserved the most power. Time and time again, man rushed into battle with fellow man, and both were decapitated by carelessness from loose magic wands. At this point, the robotic warrior was in development. There was one man who had gone into battle and come out alive several hundred times, and that was Nic Brooks. He walked through the shadow of the valley where death is with his flashlight and jammies. But TefDech was against this one man, being the sole manufacturer of fighting robots since the early 1980's, with the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Out to destroy the human fighting machine, Nic Brooks, now referred to as the Prototype Megaman at TefDech, they birthed Sarah Connor in a tube. She then birthed John Connor. He made robots at TefDech. He made a soccer playing robot when he was 2, but it was scrapped due to Soccer not being a sport since all robots autotarget soccer players on fields. John sent his magnificent KillBot 9.0 to attack Nic, armed with laser cannons and plasma guns. This is code-named Megaman X. He arrived on top of Rush, and asked Roll for more plasma to attack Cutman. Nic jumped onto the scene and annhilated the mechanical dog and Cutman. Megaman and Nic engaged in a day long battle of the soul, Parcheesi and Boggle. After winning 68-52 to Megaman, Nic walked away and hung up his war jacket, which was never even scathed. All robots malfunctioned and killed all humans except for Nic and Sarah Connor. They now live happily ever after in TefDech's hidden basement where Nic first killed the President of Existence, Sam Malone, star of Cheers.

The Paradoxing Purgatory

Several years after now, Nic Brooks had outlived his mate, and journeyed onward to the mountaintops to regain his former fighting glory. Encountering blizzards that no man has seen before, he was put to the harshest trial. It was 3 long days of watching Friends on DVD before the blizzard let up, and his trial was complete. The mountain and it's corresponding folk had accepted him into their midst, and he was one of them. The king of the mountain, Chewbacca, regularly gave him quests in which to partake with a fellow member of the community, most usually his greatest ally, a salamander named Rick. On his final quest, Nic and Rick were to recover the Holy Grail, and return it to it's rightful owner, a man named Lou Cipher. Upon entering the supposed location of the grail, the salamander was put into an alternate dimension in a rift behind the portrait of the Grinch. This was a setup, and the vault was clearly labeled as "Big Time Rift", by the offenders. Nic of course jumped in without fear, and was thrust into the world, a world of just a white room, and a TV with the TV Guide channel on at all times. This was pure plain. All was mediocre in this plane of mediocrity, until the two thieves from Home Alone entered through the ceiling. In a sudden bewilderment, the little bald one pulled a knife and exploded. The big one with a beard leaped in terror and was thusly set ablaze. The laws of this zone prohibited anything behind normal. With the zonemaster's attention now on the thieves, his chance was now and he blocked the tiny camera in the center of the room with the brain matter of Joe Pesci. Nic promtply walked out of the door on the left and called for the salamander to engage in a bite-fight. But with a taste of blood, the Salamander became enraged and went after anything with a pulse. Nic Brooks faced conflict and thusly put him down for a permanent dirt nap. With the sack of loot the thieves had stolen he destroyed the walls and found the grail sitting in the microwave with coffee in it. God was walking back in the room and stopped with a look of confusion. He had just been caught. They both laughed heartily and Nic was on his way home with the mug which he stole. God to this day holds a grudge against Nic for such thievery, but believes it was all a misunderstanding, as Nic was tought this trick from Home Alone 2.

The Colossal Connection

During the crappy era, aka before the birth of Nic - god had sex with (possibly) a female named Lowela. Giving birth to the half man, half robot David The Kinda Great. After Nics birth David The Kinda Great took care of Nic for a short time, teaching him the ways of his robot people. During this time they developed a friendship and even joined together to fight crime. They called themselves the Colossal Connection. Until one day Nic drank David The Kinda Great's Dr. Pepper. After that day, the Colossal Connection turned into the Colossal Neverending Fight...Of Doom...To The End. The last known battle, Dave The Kinda Great made Nic cry for his uncle...Chuck Norris. When Chuck heard his name he dropped from the heavens and unleashed his wrath destroying everything.

Everything but Nic and David. Just where is this going? NO ONE KNOWS.

Descent into Shame, A Nic Story

June 8th, 2006.

A lady did greet him this day, a lady Nic had known for thrice months so. To some suprise Nic called to the Gods. The lady he knew, Lillith, stared at him curiously. "What," Nic had asked, not understanding Lillith's reaction. The lady followed that even more confused, but Nic politely begged a pardon. Lillith agreed, and with that Nic brought the subject of the lady's short rest. To that she replied, "I didn't rest for long, t's quite odd." But Nic remembered that she had consumed large quantities of electrolyte regeneration enhancers. --To Be Continued-- (Wait for the sequal? >:3)

An Apprentice of Shadow: Enter the Fox

Whilst Nic Brooks did in fact spend many a day crying out to the gods that resided within his mind, yet another of the physical realm was destined to greet him sooner or later. His mission was simple: Shed light into the darkness for this lost soul, and by doing so instill a blazing inferno of enlightenment that would be shed for himself and for all so that booze could be forgiven of the falsified sins that hath been wrought upon it by puritanical society in which it had been embedded for many a century.

This hero of shadow, this fox of the keg, guided him tirelessly for months upon months with little indication of lasting improvement. Though many opportunities to party hard and engage in illicit activities were presented to this teenager of boredom, Nic refused flatly to obey his callings by the one true god who often referred to himself as either Mauser or "The Rabies."

Time passed slowly by; months spanned into years and years into decades. Still this young man would take no part. Mauser soon came to realize that attempting to reform this uncleanly fool and avid gamer would only result in more wasting of time when so many others still needed his guidance. On June 9th, 2006 his apprenticeship was revoked. And so a legacy did end, only to begin anew in the streets of some other ghetto in some other town. While the fox was frustrated at his own failure, he knew that it was not entirely his fault. Peering intently into the not so distant future, Mauser realized that eventually his former apprentice would be diagnosed by Dr. Phil, PhD as having an acute (albeit very ugly) case of Autism. No doubt his mother should have been warned that toking cannabis while impregnated can only do harm to her babies.