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The Island of Jinsy lies 20 theritsons off the Cashetts in the Drucian Channel (sometimes referred to as Turners Gulf). The island is divided into 10 Parishes and is governed using ancient sub-feudal laws that require the official legal chambers to be situated below sea-level in the Law Caves. The island is overseen by an Arbiter who reports directly to the Great He, Jinsy’s Governor.^[1]

History

Jinsy has been around as long as anyone can remember and it is thought that is has probably been in existence since before even that, though there is no evidence to support this theory.

The island has enjoyed a long and varied history except for the dull ages, a period in which virtually nothing happened (except the parish of Kssspp boundary got moved, then moved back again).

Little is known of the pre-speak era, though residents are believed to have worn a kind of smock with a double poncho upper layer, made of sacking, straw and moss, with a pleated collar and a flanged triple-lipped back seam. Hair was a vitally important part of primitive culture and early islanders could spend up to fifteen hours a day merely preparing their hair or in the act of styling.

The first written word, found carved in to a piece of igneous rock at Chokette bay is 'side-parting'. Very early flint/chalk tongs and curlers were among the first objects found in the digs a the Veen Parish Basin, where Jinsy's most ancient artefacts have been unearthed. This has led historians to conjecture that a kind of stone hairdryer was in use long before the invention of the wheel.

Jinsy's past has involved some serious punch-ups, mainly taking place at Joofer's Hill, Rintels Point and around the Tezzer cliffs but since the introduction of the tessellator, a new time of peace, prosperity and wellbeing has suffused the isle.

The Book of Nool

A lot hath been written about the Book of Nool. Who was Nool? What colour hair did he have? Was he smooth or bumpy? Why are you asking so many questions?

Penned in ancient Jinsese and scratched by twig into a series of scrolls, the Book of Nool was not really a book, originally, it was just scrolls.
But when books were invented, it was realized that scrolls were a bit 'too rolly' and pages were much better. So the 'Scrolls' of Nool, became the 'Book'.
The scrolls were believed to have been written by three Elders, who were considered wise because of a series of different tests set up for them by the Even-Elder-Elders at Elder school.

Tessellators

1067 tessellators currently monitor every square theritson of the island (except for slapper’s rock). First introduced in 1330-va-va, the tessellator was invented by Hemry Omster (red hair, brown eyes), whose initial model was originally dubbed ‘the watchy box’ and was constructed from shellac, chippings, bits of wire, reconstituted animal hair and sandal straps (donated by close friends).

The first tessellator was erected on a plinth of igneous rock at the centre of Flynte, Jinsy’s capital, opposite the potato shop, and unveiled in high winds by Arbiter Sussussusson (brown hair, red eyes) at dawn on the first day of ‘The Bloom’ to an eager-if-wind-blown crowd. Instantly popular and useful, tessellators immediately went into production and were introduced into the chalets of all residents, then numbering a mere 403.

The first official Infod Pak instructed islanders on how to turn their tessellators on but sadly, as no one had yet worked out how to turn their tessellators on, only one viewer witnessed this historic moment.

In 1360-va-va the discovery of remouldable trempersest (a highly adaptable but unattractive metal) led to the 4th and final model of the tessellator, now featuring nozzles a, b and c, the beige lever, clear blue button and dispensing sphincter.

Pelch

Pelch (pelchusis vulgaris) is one of the island’s most fun and largest crops (untamed bushes can grow bigger than a very big man standing on tiptoe). Pelch plants are the source of an alcohol of the same name, only available from approved outlets due to its fiery, potent nature which requires careful fermentation, not just shoving in some old jars in a corner.

Pelch plants flourish in a limey, badly drained soil with careless, irregular watering, on slight inclines. The plants require regular stroking and calming, mainly first thing in the morning and around dusk. They like their leaves stroked. And whispering’s good, particularly by ladies.

Pelch plants most distinctive feature, directly beneath the upper furry pelt, is the dangling teat, which is large and fat with a gorgeous purple hue. Each teat can have up to five udders, which need daily milking. The resulting chalky purple fluid is the basis for pelch alcohol, which demands cautious fermentation and a series of brewing processes before it can be safely drunk. Depending on the temperature at which pelch is imbibed, the alcoholic content increases or decreases (as detailed on all official pelch labels). Homebrew pelch is expressly forbidden.

The most prolific pelchyards lie in the parish of Hoofan. The first officially recorded pelchyard was opened by Mr Carvon Feer (chalet 5) in cycletime 1260-la-la. The yard still produces one of the fruitiest spurtings of all pelchyards islandwide.

Parishes

The island of Jinsy is divided into ten parishes.
West Zenterton
Hoofan
Pondarea
Civviers
Brownlap
Helleetertrond
Nool
Kssspp
Veen
Kraw

Culture

Miss Pre's Dramabarn in the Parish of Brownlap plays host to regular, epic performance pieces often inspired by the myths and legends of the island. The foyer of the Dramabarn is a spectacular knitted dome that houses some of the angriest pigeons on Jinsy. Jinsy superstition dictates that an oily darkness will fall across the island if the pigeons ever leave. To prevent this a Pigeonsman or Man Of The Pigeons is permanently on guard with a large stick. Other venues include The Hut on Nancy Pier where local folk dribbler Melody Lane headlines twice nightly performances. These include some of the island’s most talented acts - The Knee Singers, Mool Perpya and Terrible Terrible Joy, a deaf midget body-drumming trio from Kraw parish.

Sport

The island’s most popular sport is Croning, which in the past was an extremely violent and bloodthirsty pursuit. The players were dirty, fat, hairy musclebags that pummelled each other to within a theritson of their lives. That all changed when women were banned from the game. Things are a lot more gentle now. You get flowers in the showers and that kind of thing.

External links

[1] - official government site
[2] - citizen's homepage
[3] - music and culture
[4] - an unreliable source of information
[5] - direct feed from the Tower
[6] - videos, news and curent affairs
[7] - The BBC

^ The BBC will be showing a recording made on Jinsy Island on March 1st at 21.30 on BBC3 in a programme entitled 'This is Jinsy'

[1] The BBC will be showing a recording made on Jinsy Island on March 1st at 21.30 on BBC3 in a programme entitled 'This is Jinsy'

[1]