Memorable Quotes

All quotes are anonymous unless otherwise noted.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Our character is how we behave when we think no one is looking.
Rather than asking, "How is life treating you?" - try, "How are you treating life?"
- J.D. Boatwood
Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.
- Edward Abbey
Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
a. New roads: new ruts.
b. You shouldn't take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.
- G.K. Chesterton
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
- Mae West
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
- Nick Diamos
Things are only impossible until they're not.
- Jean-Luc Picard
The whispered lie is just as wrong as the one that thunders loud and long.
and a few more by Willam George Plunkett (W.G.P.)
- A bachelor is a man who comes to work from a different direction each morning.
- A cigarette not butted could mean a forest gutted.
- A doctor has a successful practice when he can afford to tell his patients the truth when there is nothing wrong with them.
- A duty-free store - where you go broke saving money.
- A friend is one who knows all about you but likes you just the same.
- A girl could be right when she thinks no man is good enough to marry her. She could also be left.
- A lot of us would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.
- A man who rests on his laurels is wearing them in the wrong place.
- A stumbling block to some can be a stepping stone to a shrewder man.
- A swollen head is Nature's frantic effort to fill a vacuum.
- Advanced age is not necessarily synonymous with authority.
- All the brains in the world are not under your own hat - go easy in criticising others.
- Always choose a busy man when you want a job well done, the others haven't the time.
- An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than you do.
- An average man wants fair play - with himself umpiring.
- An excellent survival kit - a well filled wallet.
- An intelligence test often shows how smart one would have been not to take it.
- As you grow older it's not so hard to resist temptation as to find it.
- Beauty parlours are like steak parlours - men rare and women well done.
- Before you argue with a fool make sure he is not similarly occupied.
- Behind a truely successful business man there are many years of non-success.
- Beware of half-truths - you may have the wrong half.
- By the time most men have money to burn, the fire has gone cold.
- Critics are very often people who speak out with the full confidence of ignorance.
- Don't count your pearls before they're matched.
- Experience is the art of not making the same mistake too many times.
- Father of teenage daughter when answering the telephone; "No this isn't dreamboat this is supply ship".
- Getting up early is simply a matter of mind over mattress.
- Good deeds are seldom accompanied by big words.
- How does a woman over forty look under thirty? She makes up the difference.
- Husbands are like fire on the hearth - likely to go out if left unattended.
- If you should lose your temper, don't look for it.
- If you wish to please everybody, make sure you please yourself first.
- Ignorance is when you don't know something and if someone finds out you don't know.
- Ignore the dog that barks, but beware the one that fawns upon you.
- Intuition is how a woman knows for sure without knowing for certain.
- It gives great satisfaction to be helpful rather than be helped.
- It's not making ends meet that's so difficult, it's making the ends hold still.
- It's wise to provide for the things that can't happen - they're the things that do happen.
- Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
- Many a man who goes off for a day's fishing doesn't catch anything 'till he gets home.
- Many couples find that the most difficult year of marriage is the one they're in.
- Most men who dies nowadays "with their boots on" have had their foot on the accelerator.
- Motor cars produced this year will run into millions - no doubt they will.
- Nothing is impossible to the man who hasn't got to do it himself.
- Nudists are people who suffer from "clothestrophobia".
- One of man's consolations with old age is that he may now whistle as he brushes his teeth.
- One of the heaviest burdens a man can carry is a chip on his shoulder.
- One way a husband can make his wife listen is to talk to another woman.
- Parents who make the most mistakes with their children are most often the ones who make the most sacrifices.
- Philosophy can be summed up in two words" "abstain" and "sustain".
- Self portaits are generally coloured.
- So few people carry umbrellas when offering prayers for rain.
- Some people think they are in tune with the infinate when they are out of tune with the definate.
- Standing on your dignity does not help you see over the heads of the crowd.
- The Taxation Department must love poor people - it creates so many of them.
- The chance of a pedestrian getting an even break depends on where the vehicle hits him.
- The current price of cigarettes certainly makes smoking a weath hazard.
- The fellow who takes a helluva lot of interest in his work is the money lender.
- The future will pay those who are patient with it.
- The hardest thing for any young man to learn is that he is so like other men.
- The shock absorbers on buses are known as passengers.
- The week-end is when you slow down and let the strain go by.
- The woman's work that's never done is most likely what she asked her husband to do.
- There may be plenty of room at the top, but there's no room to sit down.
- There's a lot to be said for nudist camps. You at least can tell the girls from the boys.
- Those who aspire to a place in the sun must expect blisters.
- Those who believe that where there's smoke there's fire, haven't tried cooking on a camping trip.
- Wealth buys leasure, but not wisdom.
- When you say things aren't what they used to be, don't forget to include yourself.
- When you win the race of "keeping up with the Joneses" you'll recieve your trophy - bankruptcy.
- Women can keep secrets as well as men - it just takes more of them.
- You won't convince others unless you first convince yourself.
- You're on the road to success when you realise that failure is merely a detour.
Those who lose dreaming are lost.
- Australian Aboriginal Proverb
In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences.
- Robert G. Ingersoll
Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important.
- T.S. Eliot
Water finds its own level - except in a storm.
- P.K. Shaw
We always admire the other fellow more after we try to do his job.
- William Feather
The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.
- Lloyd Jones
It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual impulses that could give the name of "the fair sex" to that undersized, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped and short-legged race.
- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860), German philosopher
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
What's past is prologue.
- William Shakespeare
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
Iam not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johny Carson
The point to remember is that what the Government gives it must first take away.
- John S. Caldwell
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
As years go by people tend to minimize the pain and magnify the emotions.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier...
Everybody is somebody else's wierdo...
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?
If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn't a Portuguese person be called a Portugoose?
Happiness is not how much we have but how much we enjoy what we have.
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say,"Sorry, got these sacks."
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
Do not take life seriously because you cannot come out of it alive.
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
The hardest thing of all to be is a well of affection, and not a fountain; so we can show love, not when we feel like it, but when others do.