User:Lemonpeiman

Dingpot, Dingpot, by the bench, who is the nicest looking wench?
Yes you're right, I'm rather proud, my looks stand me out from the crowd!
What do you mean, this cannot be, there's no one prettier than me!
No, no, no, you must be mad, nicer beauty can't be had!
If Tooty thinks she's fairer than me, I'll steal her looks and ugly she'll be!
Come to me, my little pretty, you'll soon be ugly, what a pity!
Don't scratch and bite, little bear, you'll soon need bigger underwear!
This fine contraption, so I'm told, will make me young and Tooty old!
Rescue you he will not dare, there's many dangers in my lair!
Hurry, Klungo, push that switch, I'm tired of being an ugly witch!
Many tricks are up my sleeve, to save yourself you'd better leave!
Grunty's plan is rather cunning, when I'm thin guys will come running!
Long of tooth and strong of arm, Grunty's got the lasting charm!
My filthy bed gives me a rash, I never wash, I save my cash!
I don't like stairs much in my lair, they always make me gasp for air!
Can't you get here any faster? Come and fight me, I'm the master!
If you think I'm rather soft, I'll be waiting in the loft!
Why do I talk all the time, it's really hard to make these rhyme!
I'm still here, I watch you play, but I can't think of much to say!
It really does sound quite absurd, adventure of a bear and bird!
How bright they are, your stupid shorts, a target for my dumb cohorts!
That ugly bear, you feathered freak, is nothing but a stupid geek!
Join me now and dump the bear, that little backpack then I'll wear!
You side with Banjo but change tack, imagine you on Grunty's back!
Your feathered buddy, that you've brung, useless like a pile of dung!
I can see it's quite hard work, to lump around that squawking jerk!
My next world is the hardest yet, and you'll fail on that I'll bet!
Tooty's fate is looking grim, it's because her brother's dim!
I've got this skirt so when I'm thinner, it really makes me look a winner!
When Tooty is a big ole lump, I've got just the frock to hide her rump!
Your butt will tell you and you'll know, when my boot swings to and fro!
When the back of Grunty's hand, whups your butt you'll hardly stand!
Hey Banjo, you're looking glum, it must be hard, being so dumb!
Grunty's stomach and leg thins, goodbye to all those double chins!
Once I'm nice and thin once more, burgers, fries, and chips galore!
Tooty says she's fine with me, if you go home I'll set her free!
Grunty admits she's a hog, I really need a big hot dog!
Monsters chase you, they're a hounding, then you'll get a Grunty pounding!
My belly's big, it's rather neat, it's years since I have seen my feet!
I've learned this spell, it's really neat, I'll keep it later for your treat!
There he is, the fun begins, my tricks and traps will see who wins!
That was such an easy fit, the others may just test your wit!
You've found some notes but you need more, to break my spell and pass this door!
That door was easy you got past, unfortunately your first and last!
When you open a world door, baddies escape and roam once more!
Hey, book brain, what did you say? You'd better not give my spells away!
If one more page I see you turn, than (sic) Grunty shall Cheato burn!
That traitor book has pushed its luck, so in the burning fire I'll chuck!
What's wrong Banjo, is it tough? Let me know when you've had enough!
It's not over stupid bear, see my picture over there!
To fill it up is no mean feat, lots of Jiggies make it complete!
Pieces that you've left behind, to battle me you must go find!
I'm sad to say down there you'll stop, 'cuz I'm safe here at the top!
Don't be sure you silly pot, soon I'll have you nice and hot!
See these filthy clothes I've got, when I've won you'll wash the lot!
Grunty's fate this should not be, so hurry, Klungo, rescue me!
Stop this cheating Grunty says, or your game pak I'll erase!
You didn't listen, I'm amazed, so now your game pak is erased!
That golden treasure was for me, now harder still the game will be!
That lousy cheat for extra eggs, won't help bear and chicken legs!
All my feathers, it makes me sick, fly to me, your butt I'll kick!
Gold feathers you may have 20, but bruises you'll still get plenty!
First you see it, now you don't, the fast one wins, the slow one won't!
I'll be young and Tooty old, before you get Gruntilda's gold!
Grunty's race you cannot beat, until you find some faster feet!Those lovely thorns, how they've grown, music to my ears as you moan!
I can't believe you went in there, wash your hands now, filthy bear!
These 2 guests are rather dumb, let's make sure they're unwelcome!
Yes I'm mad, my boot I'll put, up your useless spooky butt!
Big oak door is very tough, stupid bear's not fast enough!
My oily water, in you plunge, you'll lose air while in that gunge!
Under the scum you'll breathe your last, 'cuz air is used twice as fast!
Stupid bear, you'll have to learn, that red hot ovens tend to burn!
My bramble field makes you yelp, and loss of life it sure does help!
You'll use you air up double fold, I've made this water double cold!
Yes that's right, swim under there, icy water takes double air!
Welcome all, Grunty's the name, Banjo's here to play my game!
My lair is done and there he stands, Through all my tricks and traps and lands!
This final test will see me win, When Banjo fails then I'll be thin
The prizes on this stand bring joy, from Tooty down to cuddly toy!
My little quiz will make you sweat, and Tooty you shall never get!
'Cuz somewhere soon along the way, your lack of skill will make my day!
'Cuz in the fiery pit you'll go, and I will win the prize on show!
So step on over to the square, Press A to try it if you dare!
A little answer's all I seek, about this game you furry geek!
A visual challenge you stupid bear, To tell me who is it or where!
A question on the sounds I play, get it wrong to make my day!
Just one chance to get this right, win a joker and help it might!
Each joker card that you have got, will skip your question, that's your lot!
Press B to use it you little cheat, when on a sqaure you get cold feet!
Prepare yourself to take a whack, pick this test, you won't come back!
I think it's time, so let me see, how much you know of little old me!
Get this wrong for Grunty's sake, then a lava bath you will take!
The name of your game you must spell, backwards though be quick as well!
Mighty big boom box you must fight, but be quick as time is tight!
Your chances are slim, of eating more than him!
LIttle stings that make a bear shout, whack them all before times out!
The tiles await for you to match, time is tight but thats the catch!
Watch as the turtles sing their song, repeat it quick you wont get long!
A lucky guess, you got it right, the next square's yours without a fight!
Hear the crowd, they boo and hiss, to see you fail they would not miss!
That's a secret, how did you know? Did my sister tell you so?
Fail a square and you'll feel pain, please press A to try again!
Get more wrong, yes that's the way, the crowds are happier today!
An easy challenge you have assumed, one more wrong and you are doomed!
An extra life, I do not care, It will not help you scruffy bear!
The energy that you have found, won't stop me making tooty round!
No one can win, I was assured, By the makers of this board!
It's not fair, I want to win, How I longed to be real thin!
Now you can take the prize on show, while up the winding stairs I go!
You won't catch me, I've made sure, All the credits you'll now endure!
I can't believe that furry pair, got right up here it's so unfair!
But now the stupid bear must fight, this battle tests your skill and might!
Back once more, you'll never learn, that suits me fine, your butts I'll burn!
Who's back up here, oh my word, it's birdy geek and hairy nerd!
I can't believe you're up here again, dumb bear and stupid bird brain!
I'm not one to brag or boast, but after this you'll both be toast!
So you're back, you must be thick, you'll lose again, I'll make it quick.
Ouch my butt, it's now quite sore, I'll make you suffer, that's for sure!
What was that, you got me now, you've really angered this old cow!
A glancing blow, nothing more, now I'll knock you through the floor!
Did you hear that lovely clack, my broomstick gave you such a whack!
Ah, I see it makes you sad, to know your skills are really bad!
I hit that bird right on the beak, let it be the end of her cheek!
It's too easy, so I fear, now watch me step things up a gear!
Don't hit me, that's quite enough, I think you'll find the next bit tough!
That last hit did clip my ear, but you can't get me over here!
That didn't hurt, I feel no pain, Grunty's back to fight again!
Argh, I'm slow with all of this lard. That egg of yours caught me off guard!
I can't dodge with all this weight, those nasty eggs I sure do hate!
Ouch! My gut you nearly hit, if your shot was down a bit!
This spot is proving rough, I'll have to move to make it more tough!
Ahh, it's time for me to change, my spot just to put me out of range!
Ooof! I took another whack, but watch me give you double back!
So I got you there once more, I knew your skill was very poor!
That last blast you forgot to duck, so Banjo's useless head it struck!
Off I fly 'cuz then we'll see, if you can get the best of me!
Did you know I learned to fly? At witch's school, I'm sure you know why.
A big old gal I may be, but when I fly you can't get me!
Old Bottle brain has taught you well, but bears can't fly and I can tell!
Now I'm off into the air, leaving Banjo way down there.
See my broomstick, watch me fly, I'll beat your butt, don't even try!
Another hit, I'm getting weak, I really need to take a leak!
ARRGH you got me once again, prepare to take this sizzle brain!
Oooh you sniveling little pup, have this bolt, I'm speeding up!
YOW! That beak sure gave me a jolt, so you can have this here lightening bolt!
This broom is hard and as it streaks, across the sky it chafes my cheeks!
Fireball fizz and fireball fly, blast that bear out of my sky!
Another hit, that's how it goes, watch me fly and pick my nose!
Soon you'll lose and when you've gone, I have to go and use the john!
I may be old and rather wide, but underneath this shield I'll hide!
That pointy beak did not miss, but let's see it get through this!
Look at me I'm quite a mess, here's a shield to hide my dress!
A special shield I need to call, to stop your hits once and for all!
Come on then you little punks, Grunty's spells will make you chunks!
I hid those Jinjos really well, but must have used a lousy spell!
I hid you well for being bad, don't help the bear, you'll make me mad!
So your little furry friends, come here to share your very end!
How that Jinjo stung and burned, he got me when my back was turned!
That wasn't fair, I wasn't ready, Jinjos make me so unsteady!
Hey, that Jinjo really hurt, now I'll rub you in the dirt!
That wasn't fair, I wasn't ready, I feel all faint and unsteady!
I hold on hard and grit my teeth, to stop it dangling underneath!
Uselss Jinjos sneer and hoot, go back right now or taste my boot!
Oooh those nasty pointy beaks, are causing swelling in my cheeks!
Don't hit me you flying pig, my anger is now growing big!
Your stupid friends aren't much help, they stand there while I make you yelp!
Your silly friends upon their blocks, they're going to take a couple of knocks!
Your Jinjos really are a joke, now watch your lives go up in smoke!
Useless broomsticks I can't stand, it's left me stranded back on land!
That last shot I failed to stop, so down onto the ground I drop!
My broomstick failed with that last blow, now on my legs I have to go!
Oooof, you've winded me all around, to catch my breath I'm on the ground!
I've bet you thought you had me beat, but look! I've landed on my feet!
What's all this, how dare you cheat, but I don't care, I can't be beat!
That's no good you stupid jerk, the Jinjo statue will not work!
I really think you ought to run, when I beat him and spoil your fun!
Hear the fizzle and feel the pain, you're going to lose a life again!
Spells rain down upon your head, you stand no chance when I see red!
The bear is dumb, the bird's a twit, 'cuz I just got another hit!
I could take these shots all day, there's no way I'm going to sway!
See your Jinjo fail to work, he's nothing but a feeble jerk!
Your crafty plan stands no chance, I'm firmly rooted in this stance!
There's no way he'll shift my bulk, I watch you cry and have a sulk!
Even with your extra friend, I know you'll meet a nasty end!
Grunty's strength will see me through, when Jinjo's gone, I'll batter you!
That last Jinjo has finished me, but who laughs last we shall soon see!
I'm done for now hear me choke, but look what's hidden in my cloak!
Poor old Grunty, set to fall, upon this spell I'll now call!
AARGH I'm beaten fair and square, before I go I've got this to share!
It's all over I can tell, but Grunty's got just one more spell!
Here's my Magnet Spell at last, run and hide you won't get past!
Magic spell, seek out your prey, it's sure to hit, O happy day!
See this spell, I think you'll find, its target will be your behind!
Spell of Banjo homing, get him now to stop his roaming!
It's now time to end your fun, here comes a spell you can't outrun!
Banjo's game ends in my tower, turn it up, I need full power!
Look at Grunty she's a beauty, I'm much prettier than Tooty!
Stupid Bear and Dumb Kazooie, I'll be back in Banjo-Tooie!
All the jiggies you did snatch, but I'll be back for my rematch!

A resurrection

No, no, no, this cannot be! What's happened to little old me?
I hate bones, a body I need, can you help with this little deed?
Right then, girls, let's fix me up, then Banjo's hairy butt I'll whup!
Leave it to me, he's no hassle! I'll kick butt, then off to the castle!
Revenge is mine, I cannot miss, let's see that furry fool dodge this!
Hold on, sis, I'm nearly there, I've just been to blast that bear!
No, no, Klungo, you stay here, I'll be back, have no fear!

Come on, sisters, time I lack! What's the plan to get my body back?

Death of a Xenulord

8 long years to bounce back here. I'll win this time and make you cheer!
It is me you podgy fool. I'm back again and ready to rule!
At least I haven't got a gut. Lets rumble now, I'll bite your butt!
Your name is odd and you look a bit queer, So tell old Grunty, what brings LOG here?
That sounds like a preposterous ruse. What'll you do if we refuse?
My body's gone, but not my eyes. All I see is a pack of lies!
Bird was bad in our last game, now it seems she's extra lame!
Too slow losers, watch me go! I'll win this time, I just know!
While you've slept i've become a mechanic, building my Gruntbots to make you panic!
So birdbrain gets a nice new wrench, well what do you have for this lovely wench?
Hey there bear, go fetch me a drink. I'm getting hot and my armpits stink!
After some deep consideration, I'll treat this farce as a free vacation!
Your feathered friend is such a joke, where are the "funny" lines she once spoke?
The race is on, the game is afoot, Banjo's chances just went kaput!
With special abilities left on the bench, all you have is that stupid wrench!
I came all the way to take you down, to bust your butt and reclaim my crown!
A bear, a bird, and a Lord of Games? How nice to have rivals so shockingly lame!
You must think you're a champion bruiser, all I see is a fleabag loser!
This town is such a confusing place, I'd slap the planner across the face!
Is it just me or is your nose square? The fans will hate it, you butt-ugly bear!
The Safehouse is open, the police are coming, i'll just stand here innocently humming!
You've open up more Showdown Town districts, shame they're full of freaks and misfits!
Jinjos and Jiggies? Bottles and Mumbo? Remind me again why I came back, dumbo!
My Gruntbots are out there causing trouble, smashing those cretinous worlds to rubble!
Spiral Mountain isn't so great, but it's Grunty's slice of real estate!
My body's not mine and my skull's all cracked. You still can't beat me and that's a fact!
You must have gone mad from Kazooie's blabbing, lazing around for years in that cabin!
I'll build a car from sticks and twine, and still outclass your best design!
All those years since we've butted heads, and still you're wearing those horrible threads?
Hunting Jiggies, I don't see the point. Why drag us here to this dead-end joint?
You're stubborn, bear, I can't deny it. If this goes wrong, I'll start a riot!
You can't beat me good in this game, I'll still come out as an eyeball or brain!

   * Now, what's this before my eyes? A coconut of such a size!
   * The Loco Coco this must be. Soon it's Grunty's, wait and see.
   * With a nut so big, so hard and strong, to flatten the farm won't take too long.
   * Loco Coco, you'll soon be mine. I'll ace this place before bedtime.
   * The Loco Coco is lost for all time, all I have left is my talent for rhyme!

LOGBOX 720

Porky bear needs to move a lot quicker, to stop the glubber being used as cat litter!
I'll give you a chance, since I'm no gloater. Race me to stop Piddles leaving a floater!
My plan's destroyed, you're in the top rank. This cat's worse than Klungo if I'm being frank!
Thick-witted bear and feather face, do you know why I'm here in this dreary place?
No, you fools, I came to lay waste. But it's already trashed. I should have made haste!
Fine then, freaks. I'll wreck it some more! Now don't interrupt my childish chore!
Useless bear, come here and fight! I stayed up building this thing all night!
Where are you, bear? I'll pound you flat, and wear the bird as a novelty hat!
You've taken the spring right out of my step. I've got to stop losing, it's losing my rep!
Water Polo, it's the finest of sports, I'll never lose to a bear in shorts!
I scored all those goals in my first try. Beat that, you can't! Now don't you cry!
All those balls, and you won't come close. Just try it and you'll end up toast.
Stop looking so smug, you brainless bear! You trounced me, so what? I don't even care!
9-Ball is my latest game. Grunty's the hustler, that's the name!
My new weapon's rather glorious. I'll smash your balls and be victorious!
Don't spoil my fun, you furry clown! You set 'em up, I'll knock 'em down!
You're cheating now, come on, come clean! Don't interfere with my machine!
These laser blasts were meant to break you. It's going wrong, I really hate you!
This laser makes me hard to beat. Bend down and kiss my warty feet!
Thanks for nothing, stubborn fool. You're undermining my new tool!
You took me out without missing a trick. You scruffy old bear, you make me sick!
See my vehicle, I'm proud to man it! Full of surprises and bad for the planet!
This vehicle guzzles so much gas, destroying more ozone with every pass!
Don't get in the way, your plans will flop! I'm hard to see and harder to stop!
I'd curse if this game had a higher rating, your confidence is so nauseating!
My body was still, but my mind was racing, just you wait I'll give you a pacing!I know you're not a fan of mine, but this behavior's out of line!
Don't pick on me, 'cause I'll fight back. I'll show you Grunty's breath attack!
How I lost I fail to see. A three time loser I cannot be!
Leaving me here was a big mistake! Just wait for the devious game I make!