User:Jester490

(N) “A third person joining a couple in social context, esp. one who is in the way. Informal usage.

When trying to understand the term “third wheel” one may look to the tricycle. A simple childhood toy designed to make the transition to a regular bicycle easier. There are three wheels- one in the front and two behind. The two behind wheels share a special bond. They are linked together, the ones that provide the balance. While the front wheel is the leading source, it also seems to be the only one aware of where it’s going, secretly wishing to be one of the two behind. This is a fairly detailed analogy of the third wheel expression. While the odd man out is more aware of the surrounding, that person would rather be part of the pair, to be one of the people infatuated with the other. The couple is usually more ignorant, focused in with each other instead of the world around them. The envy of this ignorance demonstrates the psychology involved in being a third wheel. The feeling of “ignorance is bliss”. It’s an odd feeling, to wish that one was unaware.

Exclusion

Exclusion in Childhood and Adolescence A great deal of the development of children occurs in small groups. If a child if left out of a group it could hinder the developmental process. At the extreme levels it can lead to an extreme depression and to suicide. In 2000 The National Institution of Mental Health reported that “suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people ages 15-24 years” Experts agree that being left out of a group has a significant effect on the developmental process of a child growing up. It can lead to a poor performance in school, depression, an increase in physical illness, a weakened strength in adult relationships and an increase in delinquent behavior. Another study suggests that being rejected from groups in kindergarten (roughly ages 5-6) has the effects of loneliness, an enlarged desire to skip school, and decreased classroom participation. Studies have also found that a history in being left out of a group can affect one’s future prospects of being included.

Exclusion in School

Exclusion in school is another form of being a third wheel. Studies show that in most classes there are one or two students that are singled out and bullied in the classroom. Some of the average students or even the more popular ones feel bad for the rejected students. Even though they feel this deep sense of pity, they do not help the child. One might go on to believe that this is because that child does not want to be in the same situation of the child being left out. Studies show that being left out in the school system can overlap into bullying. This means that being left out of the social scene at school can not only cause the mental problems discussed above, but create a whole new problem of physical and psychological bullying. The prevalence of bullying is much higher than the popular students getting noticed. A study was done to test the prevalence of bulling in school systems. Nomination forms were given to the students telling them to choose who they would like to sit next to on the bus and who they would not want to sit next to. The results illustrated the fact that it is much more obvious who is being left out. The most nominations that a popular student got for one they would rather sit next to was eight whereas the students with a high number of negative votes got an average of twenty-five votes.

Exclusion in Dating

Being a third wheel in the dating scene, although awkward, can be a useful tool for the couple. In 1998 The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention estimated that 1.1 million marriages ended with a divorce. People want to know why so many get divorced. However it is not an accurate measure for the couple to evaluate themselves. They need someone else, an outsider, to come and evaluate the situation for them. In a relationship, there are many factors that can be overlooked by either of the two involved. The third wheel sees more than they do. They have an objective third party view that is much less biased. “Given the amount of effort individuals put into their romantic endeavors, individuals are likely motivated to view their relationship in a positive light.” Because of this is it hard for the couple to see which direction their relationship is really heading. They want to feel comfortable in their romantic connection, so they overlook the negative aspects of their partner. While some traits should be overlooked, not all should pass by the radar.

Exclusion in the Work Place

Dating in the workplace opens up a whole new set of problems. In intra office dating, the employer seems to be the third wheel. If the relationship ends badly, the employers “can face charges of sexual discrimination, harassment, or creating a hostile work environment.” To add to the disarray, intra office dating isn’t rare. According to the 2006 Workplace Romance Survey, 40% of workers said that they have been involved in an office romance at some point in their careers. This creates a huge set of problems for employers. Being the third wheel in an office romance can cause this great variety of problems.

Coping With Being a Third Wheel

When trying to cope with this kind of situation, one must try to relate to those in this group. Other ways to cope with being a third wheel include defensiveness and resistance, however these methods have been not been proven to be effective. The best way to cope with being a third wheel is to find a place where one can be loved. It serves as a reminder to that person that they are not unloved, they are just in a different surrounding. One study shows that children must belong to a group. The simple solution to being rejected in one group is to go and join another one. Being in a group is crucial to a child’s development, so it is only natural that a child tries to find one that they feel that they belong in and where they feel comfortable.

How to Avoid Being a Third Wheel

There a myriad of ways to avoid being a third wheel, each different in a different circumstance.

Avoiding Being a Third Wheel in School

For children in school there a couple of methods. One is for the teacher to assign groups for children to work in. This way the child who doesn’t have friends in the class will not be left out of a group. Another way leaves it up to the child to resolve the issue. The child can circulate through different groups until they find one where they feel they “fit in”.

Avoiding Being a Third Wheel in Dating

In the dating scene the solution is simple. If one goes on a date with a couple, they need to make sure that they have a date as well. That will help with those awkward moments.

Avoiding Being a Third Wheel in the Office

To avoid the feeling of being a third wheel in the office, the employer can put some regulations on intra office dating. The more solid a policy is, the better. The policy doesn’t have to ban office romances, but it should set up guidelines that will help everyone in the office avoid the awkward feeling of being the odd man out.

References

• "third wheel." Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English, Preview Edition (v 0.9.7). Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. 05 Oct. 2008. <Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/third wheel>.
• Leets, Laura., and Sunwolf Leets. “Being Left Out: Rejecting Outsiders and Communicating Group Boundaries in Childhood and Adolescent Peer Groups.” Journal of Applied Communication Research 32 (2004): 195-223.
• Balmer, Rudolf. “Defense and Coping: Being the ‘Outsider’ in the Group.” Group Analysis 28 (1995): 473-482.
• Imich, André. “Exclusions from School: Current Trends and Issues.” Educational Research Volume 36 (1994): 3-11.
• Menecini, Ersilia, et al. “Moral Emotions and Bullying: A Cross-National Comparision of Differences Between Bullies, Victims and Outsiders.” Aggressive Behavior 29 (2003): 515-530.
• Schuster, Beate. “Outsiders at School: The Prevalence of Bullying and its Relation with Social Status.” Group Processes and Intergroup Relations 2 (1999): 175-190.
• Loving, Timothy. “Predicting Dating Relationship Fate with Insiders’ and Outsiders’ Perspectives: Who and What is Asked Matters.” Personal Relationships 13 (2006): 349-362.
• Greenwald, Judy. “Employers Play Third Wheel in Office Romances.” Business Insurance 41 (2007): 1-5.

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