User:GravityFong/Reader's Digest/Jan 2007/New Year New You

Everyone feels like a fresh start at times: a renewed focus on getting the most out of life, enjoying the simple things and clearing the way for a calmer, less stressed routine.

Knowing you want a change is the easy bit. Knowing where to start can be hard. Plan carefully, however, take it one step at a time and you'll be amazed at what you can achieve. Whether it's clearing your house of clutter, reinvigorating a stale relationship or deciding to get fit by walking, you can make this year's New Year resolutions the ones that you keep. Here are ten pointers. Follow as many as you need. You decide. You're in charge. It's your future.

Reflect

Sometimes you know you need a change, but you can't quite put your finger on what exactly is making you unsettled, frustrated or just plain down.

Desires can be muddied by concern for others in your life, fear of the consequences or being out of touch with your feelings. A few mental exercises can help pinpoint your goals.

Take some time and write down your thoughts, worries and desires. It's a powerful way to clarify your thinking, confront fears and help secure your commitment.

If you're not sure where to start, take a look at your life from a number of perspectives: relationships, work, money, health, creativity or soul and home. How do you feel about each of these areas? Be specific. What actions can you take to improve on them? Think big and think small.

Still stumped? Try one of these tactics: A wish list Write it freely, then decide on some filters to help sort it. For instance, you could organise it according to what's possible, likely, requires miracles, short term, medium term, long term and so on.

Your life in a day Write a one page summary of what's going on in your world. You can write about your job, your family, what's bugging you and what you're thrilled about.

If I had a year to live What you would do if you knew time was running out.

The value of values What do you care most about? Do you have a life philosophy? How does it relate to people, money, status or the environment? What motivates you?

When you've had a chance to mull over your thoughts, it's time for action. Setting goals will help you focus on what you want to achieve, while making plans maps out the route. Fine-tune your goals by giving them a winning edge, making them: Specific Buy trainers and jog two times a week rather than get fit. Measurable Lose three kilos is a measurable goal with an end-point, but lose some weight is not. Attainable Set goals in tune with your strengths and weaknesses. Time-specific Time frames focus resolve: To visit relatives overseas before the end of the year rather than as soon as we can.

Refresh

Going back to nature is too radical for most, but there are many other ways to savour the simple things.

Do one task at a time even if you can talk on the phone and do the washing.

Say no more often This will avoid bursting weekend schedules, overflowing cupboards, an overdraft and an overloaded life.

Don't let the phone interrupt meals or other special times If you don't want interruptions, let an answering machine take over.

Consider a blank day in the diary a necessity You need some time for spontaneity and short-term plans.

Take sleep seriously It keeps you healthy and lets you achieve more.

The new and unexpected is often exhilarating precisely because it brings your mind back to the present.

Take a moment every now and then to stop and listen to your body Follow your breathing, or listen to the sounds around you, or give whatever activity you are involved in your full attention for even a few moments.

Take occasional risks Break your routine. Try something new.

Count your blessings Carpe diem – seize the day – encapsulates the idea of enjoying what we have rather than mourning the past or worrying about what we don't have.

Psychology tends to push us to do the things we enjoy doing first, leaving those we don't enjoy until last – or never. We pick quick jobs over slow, easy tasks before hard ones and familiar tasks before something new. To combat this: Schedule time for important tasks Unscheduled tasks have a habit of being left by the wayside.

Deal with the urgent problems first This is not necessarily the order in which the problems appeared.

Do things when you best perform them If you take a while to get going in the morning, leave the problem-solving until after a coffee break. If you slow down in the afternoon, use that time to do some filing or catch up on calls.

Resolve

Who hasn't ever made a New Year resolution to lose weight, get fit, keep a tidier house, or catch up on a backlog of tax returns? Making resolutions is easy. It's keeping them that's hard. When British consumer magazine Health Which? asked readers how their New Year resolutions were going two weeks into January, 40 per cent had already given up.

Motivation, rather than discipline, is the key. Resolutions that succeed are realistic, practical and from the heart.

Realistic A friend usually gets up at 7 am but sometimes he dozes to 7.30 am. Every now and then he resolves to rise at 5 am to clear a glut of work. No, 4 am, he says. So he lies awake for hours worrying about getting up early. The alarm goes off at 4 am and, exhausted, he rolls over and sleeps until 8 am.

Practical Pipe dreams can quickly undermine confidence. You may not be able to afford a four-bedroom house in your suburb, but you might be able to afford to upgrade from two bedrooms to three.

From the heart Beware resolutions with overtones of I ought to. . . These are more likely to result from the expectations of those around you than your own intentions.

Relate

If relationships are at the heart of happiness, communication is at the centre of relationships: it's how you connect, share your experiences and feelings and build the bonds of love and goodwill. But it's an art, not a science. Keeping communication lines open can be a challenge. A few extra ideas can help – whether it's a new romance or an old friendship.

Be Assertive, Not Aggressive Dr Sarah Edelman, psychologist, teacher of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and author of Change Your Thinking, defines being assertive as a willingness to honestly express thoughts, feelings and wants in a way that also takes into account the rights of other people. It is an idea based on equality – other people's interests and rights may be important, but so are yours.

Look For the Win-Win The ideal situation is when, at the end of the exchange, no-one feels they've come off badly. By being conciliatory, you can avoid the stress of a conflict and will be more likely to achieve your own aims.

Talk it Over Giving vent to your feelings rather than harbouring them – especially when they concern another's behaviour – expresses your concerns, acknowledges that problems exist and gives you a chance to fix them. Sometimes merely voicing a thought makes you realise how unjustified your concerns are.

Learn Your ABCs Use the word I. It brings the problem back to you, rather than forcing it on someone else. Use the ABC trick: I feel A when you B and I wish you would C instead. For example, I feel like a slave when you throw your dirty clothes on the floor and I wish you would put them in the washing basket instead.

Reinvent

Ever dream of – or have already made – a radical change to your lifestyle? If you're tempted, pin down some key areas first: it will make the transition smoother.

Your Spending How much do you live on now? What proportion of that is basic living expenses and what part luxury or discretionary? Where are your major expenses? How much of that is tied to your job? A detailed look at the financial side of life could highlight a range of areas where you could cut back without sacrifice, whether it's by buying fruit and vegetables in bulk, or shifting your savings to a higher interest account.

Your Work How do you feel about your work? Does it stretch you too much or too little? What are your options for cutting back your hours? Perhaps you have a realistic business idea you would like to explore.

Your Lifestyle Do you secretly nurture a desire to make a radical change but need to think out some sort of safety net? Or is what you're thinking about more along the lines of making small changes, such as going interstate for a camping holiday instead of an overseas trip?

Your Skills Other downshifting talents that might be called upon include bartering (there may be a scheme in your neighbourhood where people can swap babysitting for carpentry, or apples for oranges), budgeting, basic DIY home improvement, kitchen gardening and home cooking.

Reduce

The washing up never stops. So too the laundry. And after a long day at work, it can be dreary. It's no wonder research confirms what many already suspected: housework increases depression.

A study from the University of Glasgow found that even where housework involved exercise – which might in theory lift the spirits – it did not boost morale, but had the opposite effect.

So what can you do to reduce the burden of chores? Lessen the load by sharing A study of 1256 people aged between 18 and 65 by Chloe Bird of Brown University, Rhode Island, showed sharing was the issue that determined whether or not housework gets you down. And it's the degree of sharing rather than actual hours that matters.

Rally flatmates, spouses, partners and children. Even toddlers can put videos back in boxes. Adults are challenged only by motivation.

Set housework goals Break down tasks into manageable ones. Decide to "do the washing up and mop the kitchen floor" rather than "clean the kitchen." Be more specific about the task.

Prioritise If life – like a new baby or illness – gets in the way of a pristine house, determine your priorities.

In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun The Mary Poppins/jolly nanny approach might make you cringe, but it can work with kids. For adults: try music while you clean, DVDs while you iron, or set 20 minutes by the kitchen clock and see how much floor you can expose in the kids' room, study or shed.

• Cleaning Tips

Surfaces Carpets need vacuuming and swift action for spills yet hard floors such as wood are easily cared for with a broom. If replacing kitchen worktops, consider patterned or darker surfaces that won't show stains.

Colours Pale plain colours for upholstered furniture are usually unforgiving on stains and dirt, while patterned and dark colours offer good camouflage and may stay smart for longer.

Opt for quality Well-designed and well-built items look better and cleaner for a longer time.

Take to task Analyse which jobs seem to take forever or are troublesome. Is there a better way?

Cover up Opt for rugs in heavy-duty areas such as hallways and near the kitchen sink to catch dirt and spills. Throws on armchairs and sofas can prolong their life or time between cleanings.

Dust to dust Consider putting tiny but beloved items behind glass to save on dusting time.

Little and often A quick wipe of the stove after cooking a big dinner, washing dishes after each meal, putting away a pile of laundry each time it comes off the line . . . little and often stops big jobs from mounting up.

Reassess

Many common financial woes are the result of a few very simple mistakes. Lack of planning Procrastination costs, especially when it results in cash sitting in low-earning bank accounts, high interest debts on credit cards, or delaying a savings plan.

Rainy days Financial experts strongly advise protecting yourself against potential illness, unexpected financial challenges and the death of a spouse. A first goal, whatever stage of life you're at, is an emergency fund of some sort. Consider, too, how liquid it is. Give the various forms of insurance some consideration.

Overspending According to Personal Finance for Dummies author Eric Tyson, the average American saves five per cent of his earnings. Australians save around four per cent. This is not enough – experts say we should aim for at least ten per cent.

Credit balance A credit card balance carried from month to month is expensive debt. Buying on credit means that you are spending your future earnings and often encourages you to spend more than you can really afford.

The hard sell Beware of high-pressure salespeople pushing financial products – a newly structured mortgage or a type of life insurance – you don't fully understand and aren't given the time to consider. A poor decision can see a reversal of fortunes.

Research, research, research The bigger the decision – and the more money involved – the more you need to shop around. Obtain as much objective advice as you can before taking the plunge, whether with the aid of a financial advisor, or on your own.

Head over heart Emotions cloud the financial picture, so it's best not to make strategic decisions when your emotions are flying high or in times of stress, or during a period of grieving or following a divorce.

Redeploy

There are always jobs out there. People get injured, or sick, quit, retire or die, says Richard Nelson Bolles in his job-hunting classic, What Color is Your Parachute?

The greater number of strategies you use to look for a job, the greater the chance of securing one.

Network Get the word out to everyone you know that you're looking for work. Spread the word by getting in touch with former bosses, ex-colleagues, friends and professional acquaintances.

Scan the newspapers and specialised press every day.

Use the Internet The Internet is a useful tool, but don't let it run your search. Explore web-based recruitment opportunities and look at corporate sites, both as part of your research about a company and to view career opportunities.

Be flexible If your job-seeking methods aren't working, you may need to change your tactics. Consider part-time, contract or other opportunities. Even if these are not ideal, you never know where they might lead.

Be persistent and take it seriously. The more hours you put in to job hunting, the more likely you are to find work. Develop a daily routine and make a point of calling contacts on a regular basis.

Relax

In his book The Relaxation Response, Dr Herbert Benson of the Harvard Medical School explains how we can release tension from muscles and slow our breathing and pulse rate. For everyday hassles, try one of these mini relaxations.

Take a few minutes and get comfortable. Remember to let relaxation happen at its own pace, take note of sounds and let them pass, and focus on easy, natural breathing.

Level your head and open your eyes. Focus on a spot. Count backwards with your breath, starting at five. Gradually close your eyes with each breath, until at one they're shut.

Shrugging it off Raise your shoulders to your ears. Hold for a count of four then drop back to normal. Repeat a few times, varying with shoulder rotations – first one shoulder, then the other, then both together.

As light as a cloud Focus on breathing, be conscious as you inhale and exhale and feel your mind open up. As your breathing becomes calm and regular, imagine the breath is a cloud entering you, filling you up then leaving your body.

Then there's always Rebel...

Dr David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, realised that eccentricity had been largely ignored by psychiatry and psychology, so he researched it himself and in 1995 published his findings in a book entitled Eccentrics: A Study of Sanity and Strangeness.

Dr Weeks and his team studied more than 1000 eccentrics, mainly from Great Britain and the United States. He found they were more creative, had more curiosity about the world and in many cases, were contentedly obsessed by hobbies and interests.

In addition, although it was not a quality he felt could be scientifically measured, he found eccentrics to be happier than the bulk of the general public.

Dr Simon Siew, a psychiatrist at Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre in Singapore agrees, he says, Eccentric people do not follow conventions, they live in a world of their own and do not worry about what others think of them. So they are usually less restricted and therefore possibly happier.

Eccentrics are also healthier, they visit their doctors less – about once in eight to nine years – which is 20 times less than the average person. This could be partly due to their innate traits such as humour and happiness which are known to boost the immune system.

"It is possible for eccentrics to be healthier as they are likely to be less stressed," says Dr Siew.

We should have suspected it of those who do not conform – so your aunt Margaret's crazy hobby and strange sense of humour is what's keeping her going. Embrace your eccentricities, you may be kooky but at least you'll be happier and healthier than most.