User:Ehrenkater
Clarity and brevity
[edit]Clear and short wording is much easier for users to read and understand. Short sentences and simple language fit in well with the tone of an encyclopaedia.
| The apple experienced a great fall, | The apple fell, | An inanimate object cannot have experiences. |
| landing on Newton's head, | and landed on Newton's head, | It is not a Latin sentence, and an ablative absolute construction is not necessary. |
| due to the fact that it had reached its maturity. | because it was ripe. | A sentence containing "the fact that" can almost always be reworded more briefly and clearly. |
| The apple tree was located | The apple tree was | "located" is superfluous. |
| approximately 10 metres (32.808 feet) from the fence. | about 10 metres or 30 feet from the fence. | Spurious accuracy "Approximately" is a long word where a short one will usually do; but it may be acceptable in a science article. |
| Examples of other fruit in the orchard included pears and plums. | Other fruit in the orchard included pears and plums. | "Examples included" is a tautology. |
| At the time of the impact, the orchard was already characterised by the large number of apples had already fallen from the tree to the ground, although a series of attempts had been proceeded with by the agricultural incumbent to pick the apples before they fell. | The farmer had tried more than once to pick the apples, but many of them had already fallen down. | |
| The degree of severity of the impact had the effect that following the event Newton was incapacitated for the remainder of the day, which circumstance was partly contributed to by the fact that the size of the apples had been increased by favourable growing conditions. | The apple hit Newton so hard that he was hurt for the rest of the day; this was partly because the good weather had made the apples bigger. |
Thank you messages received 24 January – 6 February 2019
[edit]For reference for any users who query whether my edits are constructive.
I am chuffed to have received messages of thanks for work on the following articles (all from different users):
- 2018-19 Welsh Alliance League
- Cave
- Cipher Department of the High Command of the Wehrmacht
- Berkhamsted
- Manx Loaghtan
- Corringham, Essex
- Anglesey
- Theresa May
- 2019 Wirral Metropolitan Borough Council Election
- Llandeilo Rural District
- Francis Willughby
I think you deserve a knighthood for working on Theresa's page. I hope Llangeitho is now clearer. I do agree with the natives that the English talk too much, but on the other hand their presence may help to keep the shop open. Bmcln1 (talk) 12:57, 12 November 2019 (UTC)
Looking at your "apples" example above, I think farmers or London Bridge may fall down, but apples just fall. Bmcln1 (talk) 13:03, 12 November 2019 (UTC)