User:Chapo336

Hello i am chapo336 and i joined on 8/18/08. I live in portland oregon with my wife. I have no kids. I work for an airline. But I will not say what airline that i work for. But what i can tell you is that i fly the McDonald Douglas md83 series aircraft. My favorite articales of wikipedia are Alaska Airlines, American airlines,PDX (that is where my home base for the airline that i work at,) the simpsons, family guy, american dad, CSI and mad tv. One of my favorite on mad tv are, was when they have a famous person from UPN and a person that sounds drunk working for united airlines. the united airlines person says, "Isn't that an oxy motrin?" Then the travler from UPN says "I beleve its oxy moran." THen the united airlines person says " I aint no moran, paying $4,000 extra for a hot washcloth and Kagaroo Jack!" That is one of my most favorite jokes from Mad Tv! I also love to ride my bike with my wife, and go to a nice italian restruant. I also have a dog named skiper and a cat called monkey. Chap0336--Chapo336 (talk) 22:35, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Jokes

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing every in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit!, I'm a rabbit!"

A man named William Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone: "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative.

He suggested the following; "Here Lies a Man who was BOTH honest and a lawyer." That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:

"That's Strange!!" "The Man Who Loved Beans" Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love.

When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.

On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin.. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party! I will get more jokes soon!