User:Cdemadura/Malthesen
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Malthesen ...
The Malthesen Unit is a unit of measurement to calculate irrelevance.
Origin
[edit]The Malthesen Unit originated from the engineer "Kim Malthesen." It was created when Lyons Salt Company needed a method of prioritizing tasks and the reactions those tasks would generate.
Calculation
[edit]The "'Malthesen Unit" or "MU" can found with a simple calculation
((P)*(S))*(T)
P= People affected S= Severity (number between 1 and 100. see chart below) T= Time Passed since incident, measured in days
The higher the MU, the higher the irrelevance
Example 1:
The shipping office needs paper towels three months ago!
This would rank 94 on the severity scale
(4)*(94))*(90)= 3240 MU
This problem isn't very relevant.
Example 2:
Ken was stuck at a traffic light one week ago!
This would rank 94 on the severity scale
The calculation would be ((1)*(85))*(7)= 595 MU
the irrelevance of this problem is slightly irrelevant
Here is another example:
Nathan ran out of coffee yesterday!
This would rank 40 on the severity scale
The calculation would be ((1)*(40))*(1)= 40 MU
This problem is very relevant
The Engineer Effect
[edit]If an engineer is involved with the problem, the MU automatically increases by 1000.
For example, if Nathan ran out of coffee, and Kim Malthesen tried to solve the problem using his ingenuity, the problem would instantly become irrelevant.
Severity Chart
[edit]The "Severity" can be represented by a number between 1 and 100. The lower the number, the higher the severity Here are some notable examples
100: A tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it
99: Mike Cahill needs something
98: Chuck Nichols needs something
90: Mass hysteria
85: Riots
80: Mill is down
70: Plague
60: Nuclear war
55: Stephanie needs something
50: Mine stops working
40: Nathan is out of coffee
2: End of the World
1: Joe Rankin needs something
Chart or Irrelevance
[edit]Between 1 and 300: Relevant
Between 300 and 500: Slightly Relevant
Between 500 and 800: Slightly Irrelevant
Between 800 and 1000: Irrelevant
Between 1000 and 2000: Extremely Irrelevant
Between 2000 and 10000: Why did you even bring it up?
10000 and up: What are you even talking about?
Biography of Kim Malthesen
[edit]Kim Malthesen was born on March 12th, 1954. He came out holding an engineering notebook and wearing sandals. The notebook contained data on how to make the birthing process more efficient, but it would involve a complete redesign of the human body.
From the time of his birth, Malthesen dedicated his life to improving everything around him such as pencils, ladders, and various household items such as the fork and the butter churn. At one unknown point in his life, he discovered he could improve anything by simply calling DanDee Air and having them weld half a ton of angle iron to it.
Currently, Kim Malthesen works at Lyons Salt Company. Since the beginning of time, he has worked here as a great sage, making our lives better (by attaching angle iron to them). He shall continue to work there until the end of time.
References
[edit]External links
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