Tales

Tales Drinking Game, or "Tales" as it is more commonly known, is the official house drinking game. It consists of eight players arranged around a rectangular table with a barrel of suds close by or more preferably multiple thirty racks placed in the center of the table for easier access and increased efficiency of game play. The game is a who done it mystery in which the players are all attempting to figure out who has stolen the Prince's "brew."

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History

No one knows for sure but the basis for the game is grounded in historical fact and the stolen brew in question is believed to be Drambuie, or the drink the satisfies in Gaelic.

After the battle of Culloden (1746), Prince Charles Edward Stuart, of Wales, fled to the Isle of Skye. There, he was given sanctuary by Captain John MacKinnon of Clan MacKinnon. According to family legend, after staying with the Captain, the prince rewarded him with this prized drink recipe. Some argue that Captain MacKinnon stole the recipe and this is where the game of Tales picks up.

At ATΩ UCSB the game has been played for generations and continues to be an integral part of the life blood of the Iota Nu Chapter.

Game Play

The entirety of the game is presided over by the Prince and it is he who is responsible for enforcing all rules and regulations while keeping the flow of the game at a brisk pace. Under no circumstances is the game to be played without the Prince present or his express consent given. It is the Prince whose brew was stolen and the duty of all the other players to accuse each other as well as the Prince of swiping the coveted drink. The Princehood is passed down upon the Prince's graduation from college in a very sacred and sanctimonious ceremony known as Senior Wills and cannot be disputed once the honor has been bestowed upon the recipient.

The Player directly opposite the Prince is known as the Four Call for he is the Prince's fourth "who" and his position is passed down in the same manner as the Prince and also cannot be disputed. However, if the four call is not present the game may still be played with the Prince selecting a temporary Four Call. The rest of the players may sit wherever they wish around the table, but may not switch places without the consent of the Prince.

The table is called when all eight players are seated with beer in hand and ready for play. The first task is to pay homage to those who have come before by reciting a toast and taking two bobs, or sips, for each item named in the toast. At this time the Prince selects a player to begin the game by asking him to "please drink, count, and begin." At this juncture the assigned player must recite this simple phrase: "Wales Tales, Prince of Wales, Someone stole the Prince's Brew. Tales on a 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,7,8 taaaales on a _________ who!" This phrase must be screamed at the top of the player's lungs and recited without error for the game to continue. If the player fails to complete the phrase without mistake he must take two more bobs and start again. There is no limit to the amount of attempts one may make. Also, during the counting off of numbers when the player comes to the place where the Prince is seated he does not say a number but rather "Prince" instead. Thusly, if the Prince is seated 3 spaces to the left of the player counting his count off would be as such: "Tales on a 1,2,Prince,4,5,6,7,8,7,8 ...." In the blank space at the end of the count the player may choose which ever other player to accuse of stealing the brew by saying that players number in relation to himself. For Example if he would like to choose the player directly to the right of him he would say "Tales on a seven who!" once his seven who responds with another number corresponding to another player the game is Afoot.

Failure to respond to an accusation with an accusation of another player results in a penalty of 2 bobs. Accusing another player consists of the word no, to dispel the accusation and the calling of another who to make a new accusation. Think of it as the game "who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?" played at a very rapid pace while consuming copious amounts of liquor. The Prince is the only member at the table with the authority to determine whether or not someone is to be penalized for either speaking out of turn, known as a Dub, or missing his call by being too slow or not responding at all, a Miss. The Prince himself, though rare, may at times miss or dub and it is the responsibility of the table to keep him honest. The penalty for both dubs and misses are 2 bobs.

A player may be declared the "winner" of the game when he vomits to the delight of all involved. This does not mean that the game is over and there can be multiple winners in each game. In fact this is preferred. The winner is met with adoration and respect for having played nobly despite their short cummings in ability to tolerate alcohol. The game ends when a consensus is reached by the table and the Prince declares that the game is over. Players may not leave the game except by putting a fist on the table, all requests are made in this way, and requesting to be excused by saying "out but out but out." He may only do this if he has found a replacement and may only leave if his request is granted by the Prince. Likewise the game recognizes the practice of seniority and any more senior member of the house may request to be let in to the game so long as there is a younger player at the table whose place he may take. He does this by placing a fist on the table and requesting "in but in but in." If a player wishes to take the place of a member of his own pledge class a chug off commences and the first to finish a newly opened beer earns his place in the game.

Other Rules

During gameplay there are a set of unspoken rules that all players, including the Prince, must abide by.

1.)NO POINTING

     -All attempts to physically acknowledge another player must be made with the elbow. Penalty: 2 bobs

2.)NO CURSING

     -Tales is a family game. No curse words other than names for female genitalia are to be used. This is to protect Ethan 
      Halimi's innocence.  Penalty: 2 bobs

3.)NO SPILLING ON THE TABLE

     -Any drop of beer spilled on the table is unacceptable.  Penalty: 1 whole beer.

4.)NO LEAVING THE TABLE

     -At absolutely no point should any player leave the table without a designated bathroom break at the consent of the Prince.

5.)NO QUIET CALLS

     -All calls must be made at a high volume.  If a player feels that someone has not spoken loudly enough a pussy call may be  
      made.  At this point the table votes by making a vagina with two hands and facing it upwards if they are in agreement with  
      the accuser or downwards if they feel the call was made at an acceptable volume.  The votes are tallied and if a consensus 
      is reached that the call was too quiet a half beer penalty is enforced.  However, if the vote goes against the accuser it is 
      he who must endure the penalty and humiliation of drinking half of his beer.

Jackpots

Jackpots are not enforced at the beginning of the game but may be requested to be put into effect by any player. They require an advanced knowledge of the game to avoid. They are as follows:

1.) Casino

      -Any series of three 5,6, or 7 calls in a row followed by a miss means that the player who misses must drink his entire  
       beer.

2.)Own Calls

      -Any player who accuses himself of stealing the brew by shouting "no 8 Who!" and not then instantly calling another who has 
       just jackpotted himself.  Though this seems like an impossibility under the pressure of the game individuals do make this 
       mistake.  They must chug 1 whole beer and all things in the vicinity i.e. empty cans, prophylactics, small dogs, should be 
       thrown at this individual for the sheer stupidity of committing this act.

3.)Discretionary

      -As gameplay unfolds it may be noticed that one player continually calls a certain number. If at this point it is deemed as 
       a nuisance the Prince may decide that if that indivual continues to call the same number it is a jackpot from that point 
       forward.  Other discretionary jackpots may be enacted based on the situation.