User:Backifran/Sandbox
I would ask the court to remain still, for I had been travelling among the imperialistic dragons of Wales and found a wealth of directions to B&Q.
Wales
| Official languages | Boyish, English with a Boyish accent, Korean |
| Capital | Caerdaff Nuclear Plant |
| Largest city | Pontypridd |
| Longest city | Llanfairpwllgwyngyll gogerychwyrndrobwllllanty siliogogogoch |
| Monarch | Rhodri the Great and his king Charlotte Church |
| Area - Total |
20,779 km² |
| Population - Total (2001) - Density |
2,903 Very |
| Currency | Byo (BY), Cymro (CY), heroin, sheep pornography |
| Time zone | 2100 |
| National anthem | Oh Boyo, The Land of My Abusive Fathers, I Wanna Get Psycho (Run You Little Bitch) |
| National holiday | Sheep Day (February 29th) |
| National flour | self raising |
| Patron saint | St. Boyo |
| Flag | |
Modern day Wales (In Boyish, Boyoland or 'Valley of the Boyos') is best known as the only superpower in which sexual acts with lambs are still a requirement for citizenship. It is also known for its phenomenally successful empire and football team.
They are tremendously feared by the English who use them as a template for their own paranoid xenophobic expansionist fantasies, and complete inability to understand other cultures.
History
[edit]Historically Wales was a suburb of Atlantis that was founded by illiterate whale worshippers, wanting to name their new land after these giants of the sea but been beaten by the fact that they were illiterate.
Wales was once a small collection of about 18 smaller states, the two most important being Dadlau and Rhyfel. However, these two states were joined together in the year 486. The other sixteen followed in the year 522, and in 1250 a sudden cataclysmic earthquake joined Wales to England. This joining was not appreciated by most of the people of England, and so in the year 1794 Sir John Roache, with the help of the British Army, separated Wales from England using a fruit knife. (See the England article for more information on this historic event.) Nowadays the country of Wales floats free and happily in the Atlantic Ocean, and much happier than if it were joined to England. For this reason it is therefore only shown on maps within Europe when it floats within range of the edge of the sheet.
The seat of power is in Pontypridd the cabinet meet everyother Thursday at Clwb Y Pont. The current president is Lyn Rees.
- addendum* - As of January 17th 2006, the president is now Lyn Evans.
Since its creation the denizens of Wales have evolved from worshipping whales to worshipping Goblins. The welsh now make some of the best early morning tea in the world.
In recent history all the cultured and educated peoples of England retreated from the towns and cities into Wales to seek refuge from their fellow townsfolk. The friendlier Welsh in the south of the country accepted these people into their society with open arms. Gradually, over time, Wales surpassed England as the true heartland of the British Isles, due mainly to a better living standard, friendlier environment and nicer people except for those in Graigwen Pontypridd.
In the 17th century wales was used as a prison by the English. No chains or walls were needed as no one could read the signs. However the English scrapped the idea in 1694 because of the Welsh population rise.
Language
[edit]The Boyos speak Boyish a new language brought in to liven up Wales. The most common word in boyish is goodayelythonaman, which means 'beer'. Boyish is the only known language to include no vowels. Boyish is actually non-existant as a language and is made up on the spot by officals who create road signs and the Boyos who drink in pubs. When there are no English around the signs show only English and they speak English in their pubs. As soon as an English crosses the border all the signs change and every pub starts making up Boyish. However this has not happened since the 6th century AD when the last English went over the border, as no English wants to go to Wales.
Bloody is the only real Welsh word which includes vowels and is not different to English.
Examples of Boyish:
son - someone older than you.
swstyr - wife.
sngscsy - you f*cking ugly c*nt.
Oi, ew ddwad, i tryio yr dr myr bloody myche up yuh - You bloody bald cunt, I am trying to apply my make up.
Due to the contradictions in Boyish, some English and American people (currently 2 who know Wales exist) believe all Welsh people are incestous. This is not true, it's simply that the language always means the opposite, however a significant number of Welsh people take part in Celtic bestiality rituals, especially those in Llandudno (pronounced ch-y-dr-ra) which involve sheep.
The title can be traced back to the 11th Century and Wales' most famous Prince Owain Glyndwr, son of Rhodri the Not So Great. He in turn is the father of the current Welsh Emperor and King (and one time Prince of Wales) Rhodri the Great. The Queen of Wales is currently based at Westminster visiting his home of Rhondda every other weekend.
The current 'holder' Prince Charles is not actually the Prince of Wales, he just thinks he is due to the English overwhelming arrogance that they can make themselves rulers of other countries. Understandably this is very unpopular in Wales, where most would like to stick the title where Camilla wouldnt be able to find it. Wouldn't have minded sticking something in Princess Diana though......
Walesian Empire
[edit]
Today, Wales has engaged in a dramatic renaissance. To the point where Wales is now the dominant power within the United Kingdom. Wales rules over the oppressed Angles, Scots and Paddies with the kind of iron fist that would make Darth Vader blush.
For example, the entire population outside Wales is forced to pay outrageous taxes to maintain the opulent lifestyle of the Welsh Senate. Welsh freeborn citizens have the right to hunt non-Welsh for sport. And Doctor Who has been held hostage in Cardiff for the past year.
The process of separating England from Wales was begun several hundred years ago and it now close to completion. Welsh scientists have spent the last six developing a nuclear weapon so that when the separation process is finally complete, they will be able to destroy Ireland and use the dolphins in Cardigan Bay to tow the whole country to the Caribbean. Upon arrival, Cuba and Florida will be annexed by His Imperial Majesty Rhodri XVI. At this point negotiations will immediately begin to move New Zealand to Wales' new home, so as to ensure a good supply of sheep. It is envisaged that significant portions of Texas and Mexico will have to be destroyed for this to happen. As no one knows quite where Texas and Mexico are we do not expect any international outcry.
When the supply of sheep has been stabilised, Emperor Rhodri XVI will begin annexing more American Territory begining with Boston, his spiritual home. The Welsh Army will be drawn from the WTFA and will number some 120 million with 1.2 billion sheep and people from Swansea in reserve. King Rhodri XVI will then take the title Queen of All the Americas (except New Jersey, we don't want that bit).
Wales has become so successful and rich a country that it is able to bribe other countries huge amounts of money to 'lend' Wales their football players. This is the primary reason why Zinedine Zidane, Ronaldo and David Beckham are all in the Welsh football team, and the reason why Wales have won the World Cup 11 times.
In 1982, Catherine Zeta Douglas Jones Sparticus Xenim the Eighth of Bosnia was created in a genetics lab in Port Talbot as a Welsh plot to infiltrate America. Catherine ZDJPX VIII went to yna prwdwction cympany where she got the part of an incestous deformed person from Cornwall in the great porn movie The Dingy Blood of July. Michael Douglas (now in his third cloned body) thought Catherine was a Thai bride so he married her.
Catherine used this opportunity to spy and infiltrate the unknown USA to the Welsh - what the Welsh saw was horrible to them (especially the idea of organised religion and donuts opposed to Welsh cakes), so they declared war on Bush. Catherine plans to destroy the US using imported Welsh air which Americans cannot physically breathe in as it is poisonous to everyone if the above plan does not go correctly.
Daily Rituals
[edit]By law all men in Wales are required to take part in several daily rituals including:
- Rugby
- Sheep milking
- Rugby
- Drinking
- Rugby
- Singing... about rugby and drinking
- Shagging a sheep before bedtime
- Drink before bed
- One more drink for the road
- And bisexuality if in a musical band, particularly Stingyophonics.
Oddly, given the amount of time and effort expended on it, the Welsh are not known for their proficieny at rugby. Until the Spring of 905, Welshmen where also forced to wage war against the English. They often lost, this is due mainly to the fact that sheep are highly flammable, and inadequate soldiers. Another daily ritual is reciting Dylan Thomas drunk - also known as speaking Welsh. If you ever meet a Welshman in this state hit him first and ask questions later.
Yearly Rituals
[edit]A popular annual event is that of the Eisteddfordd (lit. Empty Orchestra). Originally based on ancient texts dating from 1960 it is said to recreate the sacrife of the Ffalabalam to save mankind. However, scholars now believe this to be a mistranslation of the original text and claim that it originally represented a weather forecast by the Grand Druid Sian LLoyd. At the end of the festival a contest is held to award a chair, of all things, to the dopiest Bard. At the start of the contest the Bards are all lined up in front of chairs, however, there is one less chair than Bards who must walk around the chairs until a fat faced precocious "bachgen" from Pant-y-liner stops singing. The last Bard to plonk his butt down is O.U.T spells out! When the bachgen agains starts his incessant crowing, all the Bards must return to walking and another chair is removed. After 3 days a winner is found. They have included:
1990: Cheryl Crowe 1991: Aled Jones 1992: Dilwyn Young Jones 1993: Frazer Hines 1994: Charlotte Church 1995: Charlotte Church 1996: Charlotte Church (who got to keep the chair) 1997: West Germany after pen. 1998: Bella Emberg 1999: Emmerson, Lake and Palmer 2000: Hear'Say 2001: Nasty Nick 2002: Cancelled due to glorious weather 2003: Sauron 2004: Pete Doherty 2005: Chris Martin
Economy
[edit]The economy in Wales is built upon old coal mines, hills and sheep. Some would just say that Wales hasn't got one.
Import
[edit]Key imports include
- KY from Holland
- Monkey Porn from Bath, England
- Lamb from New Zealand
- Frank Zappa
Exports
[edit]Key exports include
- Lamb (after we are done with it)
- Coal
- War
- The CYMRO
- Rugby
- Welsh people
- Charlotte Church
- Llama
- Anffony " I really am bloody American as apple pie ya minge" Opkins
Contary to popular belief Welshish people are known as Boyos, not Welshos
- Llynowylldain Dwrgynnwllwr
- Isaac Lewis
- Geraint Evans
- Ryan Sterry
- Charlotteee Churchio
- Aled 'voice of an angel' Jones
- Daffydd
- Walesa
- Fireman Sam
- Max 'only Welsh people find me funny' Boyce
- mynameismonkey
- Ivor the Engine
- Feeder, Welsh folk music band
- Jimbo
- Catherine Zeta Douglas Jones Sparticus Xenim the Eighth of Bosnia
- Pol Pot
- SuperTed
- MrMik
- Lots and lots of dirt
Places in Wales
[edit]Many people are shocked (horrified, even) to learn that there are so many places in Wales, and all of them are dull. Notable dull places in Wales include Lampeter. Other dull places include hills. Please do not confuse yourselves by thinking that the Welsh Congo is in Wales. The Welsh Congo is a territory given by the Japanese as they thought it to by cursed by angry chinese women. Welsh Congoians still fight the sheep soldiers for their freedom.