User:Airhogs777/Wikipedia: The Musical
Plot synopsis
[edit]Act I
[edit][Song: Welcome to Wikipedia, Whatever] A new user, Susanne Henderson, joins Wikipedia. [Song: I'm Being Evil Today!] Prof. Wheels sends a virus to the Wikipedia servers to shut them down for a few days. His plan is effective but annoys Henderson. She complains to The Foundation to turn it back on, [Song: Wikipedia:SOFIXIT!] and is quickly kidnapped by Wheels.
Act II
[edit]This scares the Foundation, mainly because they are funded by community donations and might lose support if users know their data is hackable [Song: What to do, what to do??]. Agent Splarka is sent to free her but fails to even hack the security system, despite years of coding experience. Henderson tells Wheels about Uncyclopedia [Song: Uncyclopedia (Unchained)] and he leaves to enjoy a life there, fixing the servers in the process. [Song: It's All Alright]
Script
[edit]ACT I
[edit]Scene 0
[edit]EXT - WIKIOPOLIS STRIP MALL - DAY
Our main character, Susanne Henderson (a new user and n00b) enters LC and walks down the strip mall, checking her talk page for messages on a cell phone or Bluetooth headset.
| Song: WELCOME TO WIKIPEDIA, WHATEVER | |
|---|---|
|
I jump in! | |
Fade out.
Scene 1
[edit]INT - PROF. WHEELS' LAIR (LOUNGE)
Prof. Wheels sips from a mug of coffee and slumps in his recliner. Through the lounge window, one can see his VandalBots and henchmen, each with his or her IP address on a nametag over a matching polo shirt. Jimbo can be seen by video feed.
| PROF. WHEELS |
|---|
| (CHUCKLES) Oh, Jimbo. Your Hugglers are strong, but I've a trick or two up my sleeve. |
| JIMBO |
|---|
| Do your worst, you maniacal fiend! We at the Foundation have sworn to protect our repository for the knowledge of mankind. Your villainous ways cannot taint that. |
Wheels stands up, sets his mug on the side-table and sneers.
| PROF. WHEELS |
|---|
| Do you even realize you've fallen into a trap?? While you were off-guard, my men were sending your servers a virus to pop the very Linux kernel on which they reside. Our estimates are you'll be down until Tuesday! |
| JIMBO |
|---|
| That would be three days too many. |
Prof. Wheels presses a button on the table.
| PROF. WHEELS |
|---|
| Where are your Hugglers now??(MANIACAL LAUGH) |
| Song: I'M GONNA BE EVIL TODAY! (no recording available) | |
|---|---|
|
Who cares what the readers want? Chorus I’m not scared Chorus Take Cyclone, take Mae, take AmericanShield Chorus I’m gonna be evil
| |
Scene 2
[edit]SPLIT-STAGE ( L WIKIOPOLIS STRIP MALL, R FOUNDATION HQ) Dennis Tierney at the Foundation HQ picks up the phone.
| DENNIS TIERNEY |
|---|
| Wikimedia Foundation. |
| HENDERSON |
|---|
| Yeah, whatever. Do you have any idea that your site Wikipedia is down? |
| TIERNEY |
|---|
| Yes, we're aware of some slight technical difficulties going on right now. We've been told our servers will be up by early next week. |
| HENDERSON |
|---|
| Well, I just think that... |
| Song: WIKIPEDIA:SOFIXIT! (no recording available) | |
|---|---|
|
Whadda ya do when things are all sad? | |
Henderson pants from exertion after such a stressful number.
| HENDERSON |
|---|
| And I will complain to the news about this. |
She hangs up and walks into what appears to be a news station, only to find instead Prof. Wheels' lair. She screams and is tackled by a muscly vandal.
Fade to black.
ACT II
[edit]Scene 3
[edit]Fade in.
INT - FOUNDATION HQ
Inside the Foundation HQ, Jimbo stares up at a large suspended screen UC, on which Prof. Wheels is shown video-chatting once again, behind him the background described in scene 1.
| JIMBO |
|---|
| What do you want now, Wheels? |
| PROF. WHEELS |
|---|
| I just wanted to gloat. You are donation-funded, yes? Well, then, you can't afford much more bad publicity, now can you? IN THAT CASE, WHAT EXCUSE WILL YOU MAKE FOR ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOUR USERS?? |
Prof. Wheels then turns the camera towards Henderson, who is tied up and standing in a kiddie-pool full of water.
| JIMBO |
|---|
| SUE! |
Jimbo's right-hand woman, Sue Gardner, runs from LC and immediately sees what's going on.
| GARDNER |
|---|
| William, let's not be unreasonable! She's only a new user, think of the trauma she must be going through! |
| WHEELS |
|---|
| Trauma, indeed! (CHUCKLES) |
Scene 4
[edit]GIANT TV SCREEN - INT(?)
The spotlights suddenly flash onto the large screen, this time the rest of the stage darkened. After a short clip of noise, Prof. Wheels again appears.
| WHEELS |
|---|
| Hello English-speaking world. This is Professor Willy Wheels, here to say that Wikipedia is now an unsafe zone. After I infected their servers with a deadly virus, limiting you all to the talk pages, I managed to capture one of their new users. And here she is! |
The screen changes to reveal Henderson, still constrained.
| HENDERSON |
|---|
| Help me, Jimmy! I'm in the new-- |
She is tackled by a large bot and the screen returns to a content-looking Wheels.
| WHEELS |
|---|
| You saw it here first, so commence mass hysteria. |
The rest of the stage becomes lit with a fiery mob. Glass breaking and shrill screams can be heard while Wheels ad-libs a few paragraphs inflammatory comments. Fade out.
Scene 5
[edit]FOUNDATION HQ - INT
Everyone is rushing around, trying to organize the fretting volunteers and admin
| Song: WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO?? (no recording available) | |
|---|---|
| Wikipedia: The Musical |
Movies in bold are completed; movies in italics are still under construction.
Spinoffs:
None