User:A.bmx.kid/Humor

This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous.
Such material is not meant to be taken seriously.

Welcome To My EPIC Userpage

This user may be a bit eccentric, but is definitely not demented.

Jokes

Joke 1

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? - Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Joke 2

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

Joke 3

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

Joke 4

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

Joke 5

“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” - “Oh is she an alcoholic?” - “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”

Joke 6

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.

I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

Joke 7

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”

Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“

Joke 8

Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser…

What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

Joke 9

I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com. • My ex-boss’s name is R. Stone. His e-mail was stoner@company.co.in. • My name is James Pan. Every other permutation of my name was taken (e.g., jpan, jamesp), so I’m stuck with japan@university.edu.

Joke 10

In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the loser's testicles. - One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?” - The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”

My Friends

Mr Pear(pictured on the right)