User:अभय नातू/MFPublic
MickeyFadia Foundation to go public
[edit]After a decade of trying to hack it as a non-profit company, MickeyFadia Foundation has thrown in the towel and decided to go public next month. The San Francisco based institution has been the last (by some accounts, the only) entity in the Bay Area to not have chased investors in the last 258 years. "We thought we could uphold the noble traditions of Frank Norris, Eugene Debs and George Washington Plunkitt1, but let's face it, the Gilded Age is over and we're no robber-barons." explained Charles H. Winthrope, the Foundation's HR Director and Chief of Janitorial staff. "I mean, it's tough to pay the rent when your biggest benefactor is Wukagwa Wondibetto from Nigeria. By the way, Mr. Wondibetto, if you're listening, your 3 million dollar check has still not cashed." Added Winthrope.
A collective (and loud) "Fu** YEAH" was heard from the Foundation's headquarters at 149 1/2 Old Gauntmaury street as soon as the news was reported on MickeyNews. Reportedly, most employees of the Foundation had been waiting for the day when it went public. By the evening, most had put down-payments on houses in and around Furnace Creek, few miles west of Death Valley National Park. Some had gone out and splurged on a Takara Single Speed road bike. "I'm going to ride the BART with my precious every day." Julia Esperenza, Chief Programmer and Refuse Collector bragged. "Now who's laughing, Mr. Handsom-man-in-his-new-beemer? Watch me zip by you and weep." Angelino Mastrianto, the Foundation's Webmaster and Microwave cleaner (Second Class) got emotional. "I left my homeland and came to America to make a difference, live the American Dream. Now I can live it. I will eat at Taco Bell every Monday for rest of my life. Ciao mamma! Ti ho detto che non sono un perdente." Tears streamed down his face as he ran through the ninth floor, arms flopping like a venetian bird. Other employees were seen writing scathing criticism on Facebook along the lines of "This was never put to a vote" or "How can an administrator take unilateral action in an important matter such as this? We demand resignation of the said admin" and "THIS IS WHY WE CANT HVAE NICE THINGS." [sic]
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The foundation is planning an employee retreat next week to officially announce this news to its employees. Rumors of actual food being present at the meeting went uncorroborated. According to undisclosed sources, this is simply a ruse to get the employees out of their chairs/cubicles/homes so exterminators can come in to fumigate the building, ahead of a visit by prospective investors. The same sources also revealed that the East German chapter was breaking away, accusing the Foundation of blindsiding them with the decision and demanding that a Community Consultation take place immediately, preferably within the next seven years.
The Foundation, which builds towers of knowledge in the middle of intellectual wasteland, has offered its stock at $3 per share to common public with the tagline - "If everyone reading this buys just one share, this IPO would be over in less than 21 years." PriceTowerHouseCooperLybrandOtherCompaniesTheyAcquired are managing the offering and expect a higher-than-average response. They refused to return emails seeking comment with a terse "Oh, that ****show? No, I don't want to talk about it."
It is all but guaranteed that Google and Facebook will buy the Foundation next month for 3 Papillion dollars.[citation needed] This reporter denies having bought a million shares with leveraged assets.[citation not needed]
1 No, we don't know who they are either. Wikipedia told us they were into philanthropy or something as silly.