Template talk:Did you know nominations/Nandipha Magudumana
Improvements
[edit]Hello Storye book, thank you for reviewing this DYK. I do not know if I should respond to your requests on the DYK or not so here I am on the talk page for safety measures.
Requests:
You need to rephrase this: a surgery that provides affordable cosmetic surgery treatments because (1) it is plagiarism, and (2) it sounds like advertising.
- (1) fixed plagiarism and (2) removed promotional wording.
Please respond to the tag: You need to add more material to the Career section.
- The career section has been expanded although I noticed you've made minor tweaks to the lead, moved it to events which is great but I think it would be best if the events section was summarized in the lead, thoughts?
Please respond to the tag: You need to add more information about past events (before the running away and imprisonment events), preferably about her life before the crimes.
- Past events before the fleeing and incarceration of this individual are too dull as there's no defining her without including Thabo Bester. She was a private person as seen on her Instagram account which is locked, she became a celebrity doctor after receiving her accolades and catching an eye of high profile celebrities. All I'm saying is, writing about her upbringing would read like a newspaper article and it would also be in one paragraph if not two. Career and personal life pretty much sums up her past events. Please do reach out if further improvements are required. dxneo (talk) 23:34, 11 April 2024 (UTC)
- I have replied on the nomination template page. Storye book (talk) 10:08, 12 April 2024 (UTC)
- Past events before the fleeing and incarceration of this individual are too dull as there's no defining her without including Thabo Bester. She was a private person as seen on her Instagram account which is locked, she became a celebrity doctor after receiving her accolades and catching an eye of high profile celebrities. All I'm saying is, writing about her upbringing would read like a newspaper article and it would also be in one paragraph if not two. Career and personal life pretty much sums up her past events. Please do reach out if further improvements are required. dxneo (talk) 23:34, 11 April 2024 (UTC)
Hook modifications
[edit]- ... that the celebrity doctor Nandipha Magudumana was imprisoned and investigated for twelve crimes including murder connected to a fugitive's prison escape" might work - although I wonder whether this would be acceptable under WP:DYKINT, which says "excessively sensational or gratuitous hooks should be rejected." Is there another angle? [2024-04-14 at 01:42:11, by PrimalMustelid]
- ... that the celebrity doctor Nandipha Magudumana was imprisoned and investigated for twelve crimes including murder connected to a fugitive's prison escape?" [2024-04-14 at 01:42:41, by PrimalMustelid]
GalliumBot (talk • contribs) (he/it) 02:25, 14 April 2024 (UTC)
- The above change is just the addition of a question mark, as far as I can see. So that is OK. Storye book (talk) 09:58, 14 April 2024 (UTC)
Hook modifications
[edit]- ... that the celebrity doctor Nandipha Magudumana was imprisoned and investigated for twelve crimes including murder connected to a fugitive's prison escape? [2024-04-17 at 19:57:59, by Schwede66]
- ... that the celebrity doctor Nandipha Magudumana was imprisoned and investigated for twelve crimes, including murder connected to a fugitive's prison escape? [2024-04-17 at 22:13:32, by Ravenpuff]
GalliumBot (talk • contribs) (he/it) 22:26, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
- Approved. Storye book (talk) 16:51, 18 April 2024 (UTC)