Template:Did you know nominations/Rachel Bugg
- The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by BlueMoonset (talk) 13:31, 27 July 2012 (UTC)
Rachel Bugg
[edit]... that 2012 Australian Olympic diver Rachel Bugg quit diving in 2008 following an injury during Olympic qualification and then worked on a diploma of beauty therapy?
- Reviewed: Dance Again... the Hits
Created/expanded by LauraHale (talk). Self nom at 02:14, 8 July 2012 (UTC)
Length (2634 characters) and date of creation (July 8) both check out fine. The article is well referenced throughout. The hook itself is never clearly stated, though it does appear in the reference. In the article, it does state that she quit diving in 2008, and that she studied beauty therapy, but there is no indication that these events followed each other, nor even in which order they occurred. Spotchecks reveal no evidence of copyvio or close paraphrasing. Harrias talk 16:00, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
- Regrettably, I have to withdraw this until some improvements are made to the article, though I imagine they can be made in time to get this back into a prep area in time for competition. In particular, the third paragraph of the Diving section is problematic. Phrases like "she finished 2nd in the 10m synchro event with partner Thek event" are frequent: what is "partner Thek event"? Who is Thek? Who is Wiggins? Neither have been introduced at this point; in fact, there isn't even an explanation of or link to synchronized diving: it seems to be a partnership event, yet there isn't any explicit mention of partnerships until the fourth paragraph and we never do get a full name for Thek. I'm sure the "110m" event is a typo.
- There should be a progression for her as a synchronized diver, or at least her partners. It also is not clear to me, or mentioned in the article, that she competes both as a solo diver and as a synchronized diver, and the Diving third paragraph seems to be referring to results in both. It would frankly be better to use a list or table format for results; I find the source, which uses a list, far more easy to understand, though Wikipedia could be even more so without the shorthand that the source uses. Having sentence after sentence here in exactly the same format—At the FINA Grand Prix in [place] in [year], she finished [Xth] in the 10m synchro event with partner [Y] event.—is not up to DYK standards.
- Before this was reverted, Orlady trimmed the hook above with the following edit summary: "trimmed confounding details from Bugg hook (article doesn't clearly indicate that the injury was during Olympic qualification); removed Australia from piping (and hook) because article linked isn't about Australia diving". I've listed the resulting hook below as an ALT1, and struck the original hook:
- ALT1: ... that 2012 Olympic diver Rachel Bugg quit diving in 2008 after an injury and worked on a diploma in beauty therapy?
- — BlueMoonset (talk) 18:04, 26 July 2012 (UTC)
- I have added text to make it clear who partners were, and which events were individual and which were synchro. I personally prefer prose and don't see it as problematic. If this a problem, I can remove the results paragraph as that doesn't make the article too short DYK wise. --LauraHale (talk) 21:59, 26 July 2012 (UTC)
Replaced paragraph in question with one that covers the same ground but is less of a prose list; it contains the obligatory citation, too. ALT1 is approved per Orlady. BlueMoonset (talk) 05:05, 27 July 2012 (UTC)
- Before this was reverted, Orlady trimmed the hook above with the following edit summary: "trimmed confounding details from Bugg hook (article doesn't clearly indicate that the injury was during Olympic qualification); removed Australia from piping (and hook) because article linked isn't about Australia diving". I've listed the resulting hook below as an ALT1, and struck the original hook: