Template:Did you know nominations/Magia (Shakira album)
- The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Allen3 talk 22:11, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
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Magia (Shakira album)
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... that Colombian singer Shakira (pictured) has prevented her debut album Magia, as well as Peligro, from further sales, due to their immaturity?
5x expanded by EditorE (talk). Self nominated at 21:59, 8 August 2013 (UTC).
This has not been 5x expanded. It was 749 characters before expansion. It is now 3,681 characters. An exact 5x expansion would be 3,745 characters. SL93 (talk) 02:49, 12 August 2013 (UTC)
- Hook has significant clarity/grammatical problems: "prevented her debut album ... from further sales" doesn't quite make sense (you don't "prevent" something from further sales), and there's the further disagreement between "debut album" (singular) and "their immaturity". Needs an ALT hook that's far more clear; striking original hook. BlueMoonset (talk) 05:40, 23 August 2013 (UTC)
- I think ALT2 is better, but not quite there yet. One glaring omission from the article is Shakira's age at the time the album was recorded and released; you mention that she started writing the songs at age eight, but not that she was thirteen when she started recording it and fourteen when it was released. As such, it's not surprising that she wants to suppress it. There are sources for these ages in the article on her third album. If you add them, it would allow a bit more for the hook. Also, the word "immaturity" is apparently Shakira's own (FN12), so if it's used here it should be in quotes (and the word quoted in the article). Something like: ... that Colombian singer Shakira (pictured) has refused to re-release her [early teenage] debut album Magia, or her second, Peligro, because of their "immaturity"? (You might or might not want to include "early teenage", which is why I placed it in brackets; I think it helps make clear just how young she was.) BlueMoonset (talk) 16:25, 23 August 2013 (UTC)
- I'll be adding the info about the ages soon. 和DITOREtails 16:52, 23 August 2013 (UTC)
- Great. Just be sure in ALT3 to decide whether you want to keep "early teenage" or not: either delete the brackets around the words if you like them, or delete the words and the brackets if you don't. One or the other needs to be done. Thanks! BlueMoonset (talk) 17:12, 23 August 2013 (UTC)
Reviewer needed for ALT3; since I suggested the wording that was used by EditorE, I can't approve it myself. I have struck ALT2, and removed the two struck words from ALT3 to avoid confusion. BlueMoonset (talk) 22:22, 25 August 2013 (UTC)
ALT3 hook reads fine to me, is interesting, and is verified by the San Antonio Express source. I, JethroBT drop me a line 20:14, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
