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Template:Did you know nominations/Hulda Stumpf

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The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Allen3 talk 13:48, 10 October 2013 (UTC)

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Hulda Stumpf

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Created by SlimVirgin (talk). Self nominated at 21:02, 4 October 2013 (UTC).

  • - Interesting and much appreciated read. Sufficient length, sufficiently sourced, cite checks out, and created two days ago (02OCT13). Proof yet again that SlimVirgin does great work.--ColonelHenry (talk) 01:31, 5 October 2013 (UTC)
Comment
She is known primarily because she was murdered in her home near the Africa Inland Mission station in Kijabe, where she worked as a secretary to the head of the mission.[1] Her death was controversial because injuries to her body suggested that, before smothering her, her killer or killers had carried out female genital mutilation (FGM) on her.[2]
Both the second and third sentence of the intro are not quite satisfactory. There appears to be a known reason for her death, and that reason itself ought to be part of the person's "notability".
This is a person who is notable, not just because she was murdered, but because she courageously stood against that which she believed to be wrong.
The fact that she did this is stated in the second paragraph, but it should be essential to the first paragraph. i.e. "Hulda Stumf was murdered for her opposition to FGM". (or something similar)
Secondly, to say that her death was "controversial" because she was mutilated carries the implication that her murder would not have been controversial, otherwise.
The first paragraph needs some more thought. Amandajm (talk) 07:23, 8 October 2013 (UTC)
@Amandajm and SlimVirgin: - while that might be an appropriate comment for further development, that doesn't impinge on the eligibility for the DYK hook. Any analysis for DYK-promotion ought only to refer to the DYK criteria, and not for someone's subjective wishes concerning the prospective direction/scope/content of the article in excess of those criteria. I'm sure SlimVirgin will address your concerns as she and other users develop the article, but such commentary is not relevant to the DYK process, and quite frankly belongs on the article's talk page. --ColonelHenry (talk) 13:52, 8 October 2013 (UTC)
Hi Amandajm, Stumpf became notable for the manner of her death. Without that, she'd probably be known within missionary circles but not beyond. As for emphasizing in the first paragraph that she was killed for protesting against FGM, I didn't do that because there isn't a huge amount on information available (that I have found so far) about what she did exactly. It appears that she stopped girls being removed from the home she helped to run when their families wanted to take them to FGM ceremonies to be cut. I'll try to get hold of the Time magazine article to see how it portrays things. But as ColonelHenry suggests, we can discuss that more on the talk page if you like. SlimVirgin (talk) 02:15, 9 October 2013 (UTC)
I've added "Stumpf is believed to have been killed because she had protested against the practice" to the end of the first paragraph. SlimVirgin (talk) 02:26, 9 October 2013 (UTC)
Remove the words "known primarily" and "death was controversial because....." These two constructions are waffle.
State "Hulda Stumf (dates) was a missionary (with whatever details) who ran a school in (details) and was an active opponent of Feminine Genital Mutilation." Then the details of her murder, given as a statement, not as the main reason for fame. If sensation was attached to the murder, through the press, you need another sentence to indicate that.
What you are looking at here is a heroic person. Her heroism in confronting brutality and discrimination is far more notable in the 21st century than the fact that she was ultimately murdered. While the murder is sensational, it isn't the point of her life. The point of her life is that she probably succeeded in improving the lives of the girls in her care.
Write about her as encyclopaedically as possible.
Amandajm (talk) 04:02, 9 October 2013 (UTC)
Hi Amandajm, as this is more about the article's direction than the DYK nomination, I've opened a discussion at Talk:Hulda Stumpf. SlimVirgin (talk) 04:38, 9 October 2013 (UTC)
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