The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 21:27, 31 October 2020 (UTC)
... that Die Prinzessin Girnara, an opera created by composer and librettist together based on a legend from India, was premiered in 1921 at two opera houses simultanously? Source: several
Reviewed: to come
Comment: With some expansion, we could also talk about the Jewish composer's work about a Buddhist legend, but I don't have the time right now.
Created/expanded by Gerda Arendt (talk). Self-nominated at 13:09, 23 October 2020 (UTC).
Overall: Just three issues. (1) Citation 2 needs to be added at the end of the History section. (2) A hook needs to work instantly. If it contains a word which jumps out at you (e.g. famous person) then you can afford to make the hook a little longer and more complex. But if you don't have that - the simpler the better. Long ago I sold local-newspaper advertising, and all the advertisers wanted to stuff in as many words as possible, to get their moneysworth, as they believed. But no-one is going to read a closely-packed bunch of words. An advert should jump out at you, whether you want to read it or not, and in that context cutting it down to a few words was one easy way to do it. Hooks are adverts, really. So with this hook, please could you kindly offer us an ALT with fewer elements in it? (3) The QPQ is pending.Storye book (talk) 11:29, 24 October 2020 (UTC)
Thank you for the review, but sorry, I'm not advertising but informing. Sure we could just say premiered two places simultaneously, and so far I know only ONE other piece like that, but then we'd miss the Jewish-Indian combination, and the rare (!) close collaboration of composer and librettist, - multikulti and collaboration truly being things I like to advertize. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 12:08, 24 October 2020 (UTC)
No worries, Gerda, bless you, I knew you would say that, but I thought I'd just try. OK, so how about we try to get the awkward sentence to run more smoothly? Anyone like to have a go? This is a lovely subject, well worth the effort. Storye book (talk) 13:57, 24 October 2020 (UTC)
Thank you, Gerda. I have resolved the minor citation issue for you, since that sentence's content was already cited elsewhere in the article. That just leaves the smoothing out of the awkward phrasing of the hook. I've written out a suggestion below. Are you happy with it?
ALT1: that the opera Die Prinzessin Girnara by Wellesz and Wassermann was based on a legend from India, and premiered in 1921 at two opera houses simultaneously?
I'm not happy, but it's acceptable. I expect almost nobody will know Wellesz and Wassermann, and usually you only list the composer as author of an opera, so this reads as if it had two composers. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 11:09, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
ALT2: that the opera Die Prinzessin Girnara by composer Wellesz and librettist Wassermann was based on a legend from India, and premiered in 1921 at two opera houses simultaneously?
We are here to please! Storye book (talk) 11:30, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
You please ;) --Gerda Arendt (talk) 11:36, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
Thank you! Good to go, with ALT2. Storye book (talk) 11:41, 27 October 2020 (UTC)
