Talk:Zork/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Shooterwalker (talk · contribs) 14:30, 21 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I'm on the busy side, but I always enjoy reviewing articles with a bend towards video game history. Going to try to get to this soon. Shooterwalker (talk) 14:30, 21 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your patience. Going to work through this section by section. Will circle back to the lead, later. The article is very well written and researched, and these comments will help it get to the next level.
Gameplay

It would help to introduce the concept of a text parser is before you explain what it means to type in commands. (e.g. "Using a text parser, the player..." or "The player types commands into a text parser, which allows them to")

I guess I do need to explain more, because the player doesn't "use" the text parser- the parser is the code in the game that takes the text that the player typed and interprets it. Expanded a bit when I use the word "parser"

"If it does not understand" -> "it" becomes ambiguous in this sentence, and it might help to restate the noun -- "the program", "the text parser", "the interface", or even "the game"

Done

Semi-colons make things harder to read and understand, and two sentences are preferable.

I think semicolons are a handy way to join related clauses, but it does get away from me sometimes. Reduced the overall use of them.

"Zork also contained multiple ways" -> this is a little ambiguous too. Did you mean the original Zork?

Clarified, but yes

"to use and fight with" -> "to use in combat". or "to use against enemies"

Done

"a thief character wanders the underground maze as well, and will steal items that the player has dropped on the ground" -> "a thief character will wander the underground maze, stealing items that the player has dropped on the ground"

Made as "is wandering" so as not to make that future tense, but done

"earns the player points, which keep rough track of how much of the game has been completed" -> "count towards the player's score, as a rough measure of how much of the game has been completed."

Done

Plot

Once again, I think the semi colons read awkwardly, and would be more readable broken into separate sentences.

Done

"Location and item descriptions, as well as the manuals in later versions of the game," -> "Most of the setting is established through the game's written descriptions of items and locations, as well as manuals in later game releases." (full stop.)

Done

"The player is given little instruction, but exploring the game world leads them into the Great Underground Empire. The first episode has little plot, but has nineteen treasures scattered throughout the game world behind puzzles, some of which require other treasures to solve." -> The "but" reads weird here, both times. Try "The first episode has little plot, and the player is given little instruction. As the player explores the game world, they reach the Great Underground Empire, where they find nineteen treasures scattered throughout the game world."

Done

"through descriptions of items and areas" -> can drop this, as this is explained in the gameplay, and again in the first paragraph in this section about the setting

Done

"with varied effects." -> are these effects harmful? helpful? Maybe some examples would help.

Done

"is trying to gather" -> "the player character is trying to gather the garb of the Dungeon Master and prove themselves as worthy of being their successor" -> "the player gathers the garb of the Dungeon Master to become their successor."

Done

"their puzzles" -> does "their" refer to the Dungeon Master? This is ambiguous.

Done

"the twist that one of them" -> this probably makes sense as its own sentence, as it's joined awkwardly to the previous thought.

Done

"transforms the player into a duplicate of himself" -> the meaning here isn't clear

Done

Development/MIT

What is the Dynamic Modelling Group, and what do they do? It helps give context to what their actual software experience was before starting game development.

Done

I feel like there is a more succinct way to describe the influence of Colossal Cave Adventure. Right now it feels like it goes on a tangent, but it is important to state what it is and how popular it was, to demonstrate how it would have influenced Zork.

Done

There is a lot of asterisks beside every game that claims to be the first 3D game ever made, so it's worth giving the reader more context about what kind of 3D. Only needs one or two words. (Maybe "wireframe"?)

I don't think there's any asterisks needed here? It was the first 3D game. Full stop. Asterisks would be for later games- first 3D game with smooth motion, first with non-90 degree angles, first with textured walls... but Maze was just... the first 3D game.

"Lebling then left for a two-week vacation, and in his absence Anderson, Blank, and Daniels..." -> "While Lebling took a two-week vacation, Anderson, Blank, and Daniels..."

Done

You say "in the final game" twice and it's not needed

Done

The Anderson quote is long enough that it would read better as its own sentence, or summarized in fewer words.

Done

"the community" -> which community? MIT?

Done

"referring to themselves as the "implementers" -> is this important?

Kinda, like, it's not, except that they kept referring to designers as that even when running Infocom, so that was the term used by the public as well- it's in every source. So it's trivial, but textually relevant.

"grues" -> this needs context for the reader to understand

It was mentioned in Gameplay

"which were added by Lebling after to replace falling into pits after his character fell into a pit while inside the attic of the house" -> this reads awkwardly

Done

"large community of players for the time" -> this could be more specific.

No numbers exist. It's described in the source as "it had a relatively large user community from all over the country."

"The group had added several sections, such as the river, volcano, and coal mine sections, and then took a break from adding new content. For the next couple months, they instead improved the engine of the game, and added the ability to save the player's progress in the game. " -> "The group added locations such as a volcano and coal mine, and soon shifted their efforts to improving the game's engine. An important feature was saved game functionality, to store the player's progress in the game."

Done

Ted Hess at DEC -> here comes a new challenger! Was Ted Hess a new team member, or was he a volunteer from the wider community?

Done

"He released it in March 1978, thereby making the game available to a wider set up players outside of those with access to a PDP-10 mainframe" -> this one is hard to read

Done

"At the time, the team had decided to give the game an actual name besides "zork", and named the game Dungeon; this name was used for the Fortran version, which was spread through the DEC users group, DECUS, and became one of the most popular pieces of software distributed through the group." -> even after changing the semicolon to two separate sentences, this one is hard to read.

Done

"The name change was soon rescinded for the main game, however, as TSR Hobbies, the publishers of Dungeons & Dragons, claimed the name violated their trademark, and Zork became the official name for the game." -. "However TSR Hobbies claimed the title violated their trademark in Dungeons & Dragons, leading the game to return to its original title."

Done

"megabyte" -> used to seeing a number beside this, so did you mean that there's only a single megabyte?

Yes, done

"Lebling claims" / "Anderson agrees" -> Attributing the same ideas to different sources, you could probably get away with shortening this to a single sentence, instead of repeating it.

They're not quite the same ideas- Anderson agreed one one point, but had a subtly different interpretation of who did what otherwise

"The player character was purposely left undescribed, with the developers removing any accidental descriptions or gendered pronouns introduced, in order to help the player be immersed in the game" -> "In order to immerse the player in the game, the developers decided not to describe the player character, removing any accidental descriptions or gendered pronouns."

Done

"The text responses to the player's commands were frequently opinionated and sarcastic as a design choice in addition to mirroring the group's speaking patterns,as they felt it would both make the system feel less like a computer and also train the player to write commands in a way that the parser could understand rather than ways it would misinterpret" -> This is a long sentence and would read better as two separate sentences.

Done

The last paragraph here about influences might go better at the beginning of the section, in the context of their influence from Colossal Cave Adventure

I don't think it fits there before it discusses the genesis of the game, but moved it up a few paragraphs to right when they started actually making the game

Development/Infocom

"In 1979, eight members of the Dynamic Modelling Group, including Anderson, Blank, and Lebling, incorporated Infocom as a software company for members to join after leaving MIT" -> "In 1979, Anderson, Blank, and Lebling incorporated Infocom with five other members of the Dynamic Modelling Group, thus creating a software company for MIT alumni."

Done with changes

"for minicomputers, smaller mainframe computers" -> this might work better as a piped link instead of a comma

Done

"having graduated and moved to Pittsburgh" -> is this important?

Done

"they felt that a combination of a custom programming language for the game as well as the use of floppy disks could make the project viable if the game was cut into two pieces" -> "they felt the project might be viable on two floppy discs with the help of a custom programming language."

Done with changes

"This meant that getting ZIL-based games to run on a different type of microcomputer just required a new interpreter program instead of rewriting the games for a different operating system." -> This meant that ZIL-based games could use a new interpreter program to run on new types of microcomputer, instead of rewriting the game for each operating system."

Done

"Lebling separated out half of Zork from the rest" -> is this in reference to the two floppy discs? I feel like this could be stated more clearly.

There wasn't two floppy disks. Reworded that and above to make it more clear- they didn't make the game into disk 1, 2, 3, they cut out the first half of the game and sold it as part 1 on a single disk. Each part of the game was standalone.

"By the end of 1979, the core game was complete, though it had only been run on DECSYSTEM-20 and PDP-11 mainframe computers, and Berez was elected the company's president." -> "By the end of 1979, Berez was elected the company's president. The core game was complete, though it had only been run on DECSYSTEM-20 and PDP-11 mainframe computers." (avoid combining disjointed thoughts using "and".)

Done

"and Blank and Scott Cutler wrote an interpreter program and successfully ran the game" -> which could run the game after Blank and Scott Cutler created an interpreter program."

Done

" Infocom began preparing to release the first section of Zork under the title Zork: The Great Underground Empire - Part I, and got Mike Dornbrook to test the game as an audience surrogate, as he had never played it." -> similar sentence issue here. Would flow better with less density, or as separate sentences.

Done

"sending the company an advance on the game as their first revenue." -> "sending the company an advance payment".

Done

"The first sale of Zork I was earlier in the year, however; since Personal Software declined to publish the PDP-11 version of the game developed in 1979, Infocom announced it to various PDP-11 user groups, and sold some copies—later recalled by Lebling as around 20—directly as a floppy disk with a typewritten manual by Anderson." -> this sentence is a hard read too.

Done

"While as late as December 1980 he told Byte that it would be a two-part game, Zork: The Great Underground Empire - Part I and Part II," -> Could probably drop this without losing the overall story

Shortened

"Zork II was offered to Personal Software in April 1981 and the contract was signed in June, as Berez became the first paid employee of the company, but Infocom began to be wary of continuing the relationship with Personal Software." -> this one is also a hard read

Done

"The Infocom team felt that Personal Software was not advertising Zork I very strongly, and did not seem excited about Infocom's plans to release Zork III and then follow it with several other planned text adventure games such as Deadline and Starcross. This feeling was correct, as Personal Software had plans to stop publishing entertainment software altogether and rebrand as VisiCorp to align with its VisiCalc spreadsheet software, which it did in 1982. Rather than find another publisher, Infocom decided to self-publish its games and began renting office space and contracting with production facilities." -> This is reading pretty long, and seems easy to shorten -- if they had a feeling something would happen, and then it happened, you don't need to say it twice.

Done

The development section is pretty long and might warrant splitting into more than two. For example, you start with a subsection just about the team and their influences, and you could end with a subsection just about Zork II and III.

Split up into 3 sections - I think the Infocom section was fine, but the MIT was pretty hefty

Let's pause here. Once again, this is a really solid article. There's just a lot of it, so it will take some time to work through. Shooterwalker (talk) 18:02, 1 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Starting on this, marking off as I go. --Pres N 13:14, 3 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Shooterwalker: Okay, sorry for taking so long, but I've now addressed all of the points listed here. --Pres N 02:48, 8 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Shooterwalker: reminder. --Pres N 18:00, 17 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your patience. Let's keep this going.
Reception/Sales

"moderate amounts" feels like a hard thing to quantify or verify. I think it's enough to document the sales as a number, and then mention the dramatic increase, as you did.

Done

Additionally, unlike most games, sales of the game increased over the next few years rather than decline as the market for personal computers expanded. -> Zork sold even more copies as the market for personal computers expanded.

Done with changes

The sentence about 1986 feels out of sequence with the rest of this section.

Moved to the end with changes

"Based on sales and market-share data" seems redundant -- we should assume these sources are basing their facts on verifiable data.

Done

As we wrap the section up, do we have an overall estimate that sums it all up?

By moving the 1986 sentence, I changed it to be a summation for that paragraph; also adjusted the final sentence of the section to be a bit more conclusive.

Reception/Reviews

This section feels like it needs an intro or topic sentence. For modern games that would be something from Metacritic summing up the overall reception of the game, so I understand it's less obvious how to handle this older game.

Done

There's a sentence where you use "praised" twice, nearly back to back.

Done

"while noting that Zork II was both a sequel and a second segment of the original Zork" seems unnecessary, since it's something we already know, and doesn't really add anything to the review

Done

"Another Softalk reviewer in September of that same year" -> "An additional Softalk review..." (should be clear from context that it's an additional review for Zork 3)

Done

Some of the "best of all time" lists seem like they belong in legacy, and not reception. Reception is how something is received at the time, while legacy is how something is remembered in the context of all of video game history.

Done

Overall, this section flows well. But I'd say the first paragraph is a little chunkier, due to the longer quotes, and multiple sentences per review. I might suggest you replace some of the quotes with summaries, or otherwise summarize the main point of each review, just to match the flow of the better paragraphs.

Done

Legacy

There is a lot of weight on Barton, giving him almost half the paragraph. Is there a way to cover his main point more quickly?

Condensed

I might break up the sentence about the adaptation for a variety of systems, and the inspiration for text parsers and chat bots. Those really are two separate thoughts.

Done, and also moved

The library of congress piece also feels a little chunky -- do we really need to cover that the New York Times reported it, or can we just say that the library of congress did it?

Done

"tens of thousands of copies at minimum" -> this reads a little weird. Maybe just drop "at minimum"?

Done

The second paragraph could use a topic sentence just summing up what Zork meant to Infocom as a company. (The details you have would follow from this.)

Done

Similarly, the third paragraph could use a topic sentence, explaining that Zork did become a series. (You might need to edit the current first sentence, just for flow. Saying that initially, there was no official follow up to Zork.)

Done, and also moved stuff around for flow

"Zork games have been released" -> "The original Zork games have been re-released"

Done

When talking about the books, is it really important to know the different publishers in every country? It breaks up the sentence, and seems like an excessive detail. (If you still thought it was important, I might break this into two separate sentences.)

Done

"rather than being read straight through like a novel" feels redundant -- it's already explained and linked.

Done

"based on Zork" -> "based on the original game" (less repetition / more readability)

Done

Let's pause here. I'll try not to keep you waiting as long, as I'm sure you're looking forward to wrapping this up. It's a really solid article and it's very close to good article status. Shooterwalker (talk) 02:07, 19 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Shooterwalker: Done, thanks! --Pres N 14:08, 19 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Going to review the lead, and give everything one more pass. I think we're in good shape.

Lead

"They and several other staff and students at the MIT computer center founded Infocom in 1979 to develop software programs, and Blank and Joel Berez created a way to run a smaller portion of Zork on a microcomputer. The parts of Zork were Infocom's first products. " -> "In 1979, they founded Infocom with several other colleagues at the MIT computer center. Blank and Joel Berez created a way to run a smaller portion of Zork on a range of microcomputers, allowing them to commercialize the game as Infocom's first products."

Done

"Several more games in the Zork series were released beginning in 1987, as well as books and gamebooks." -> "Infocom was purchased by Activision, leading to new games in the Zork series in 1987, as well as a series of books."

Done

"calling them the best adventure game" -> "calling Zork the best adventure game" (avoid guessing whether a singular or plural pronoun is appropriate)

Done

"It is regarded as one of the greatest games of all time, based on its prevalence on such lists by critics." -> the second part feels unnecessary (though you should say who regarded it)

Done

"Later historians have noted the game as having a large influence on the adventure game genre of the time, and along with Adventure influencing the MUD genre and through it the more recent massively multiplayer online role-playing game genre." -> "Later historians have noted the game as a foundation for the adventure game genre, as well as influencing the MUD genre and massively multiplayer online role-playing game."

Done

Gameplay (part 2)

"The player types in commands to move their character through the locations, interact with objects in the cave, pick up items to put into their inventory, and perform other actions." -> "The player types in commands to perform various actions, such as interacting with objects, picking up items, or moving their character through the locations."

Done with changes

"The original 1977 version of the game was a single release, Zork," -> should probably use a full stop here. The sentence gets long, and the next part would be more readable as a separate phrase.

Done

"Puzzles may have" -> "Several puzzles have"

Done

"In the first section, or Zork I, a thief character is wandering the underground maze as well, stealing items that the player has dropped on the ground." -> this might flow better as before the previous sentence -- before zork II

Done

"Collecting treasures earns the player points, which count towards the player's score, as a rough measure of how much of the game has been completed" -> "The player earns a higher score as they collect treasures, as a rough measure of how much of the game has been completed"

Done

Plot (part 2)

"in the GUE" -> can drop this, as you explain the setting more clearly lat

Done

"A century later his and his descendants' spending caused the empire to collapse and all of the residents left." -> "A century later, the empire's overspending caused it to collapse, with all the residents leaving."

Done

Development (part 2)

"a computer science research division," -> can drop the comma

Done

"They were inspired to create the game by" -> "Their work was inspired by"

Done

"a text-based adventure game which is the first well-known example of interactive fiction, as well as the first well-known adventure game." -> "a text-based game which became celebrated as the first well-known work of interactive fiction, as well as the first well-known adventure game." (you say adventure game twice in one sentence, and trying to make this flow better)

Done but without the "celebrated"

"Lebling had been heavily involved with Maze (1973), a multiplayer first-person shooter and the first 3D first-person game ever made, while Blank and Anderson had worked on Trivia (1976), a multiplayer trivia game." -> "Blank and Anderson had worked on a multiplayer trivia game called Trivia (1976), and Lebling was heavily involved with Maze (1973), a multiplayer first-person shooter and the first 3D first-person game ever made." (might flow better)

Done

"This prototype contained many of the concepts of the final game, such as puzzles and locations, but was simplified." -> "This prototype contained simple versions of many concepts seen in the final game, including puzzles and locations"

Done

"Lebling claims that the group had few direct influences when creating the game beyond Adventure, as there were few other games to emulate at the time" -> "As there were few other games to emulate at the time, Lebling claims that Adventure was one of Zork's only influences"

Done

"he does admit to basing the combat on Dungeons & Dragons, but says that the other members had never played it" -> this might flow better after explaining the leaflet, and flowing into the comparison between the dungeon master and the text parser

Done

"including adding" -> "also adding"

Did "as well as" instead

"reverted the name change back to the original title" -> "reverted the name back to the original title"

Done

"Lebling claims" / "Anderson agrees" -> if multiple sources are in agreement, I think we can leave out the attribution. Just tell us what people did.

Tweaked, but maybe this is from working on other older games but I think it's important to specify who said what when they slightly disagree, though in this case it's more like remembering different details.

"incorporated" should be linked, for those who need to know how that works

Done

"It got Mike Dornbrook" -> "The team got Mike Dornbrook"

Done

"The first sale of Zork I was earlier in the year" -> this phrase feels out of context and unclear. If it's relevant to the next part, perhaps there is a way to rephrase?

Reworded

"the result of the split and additions was that each part of the game had a different atmosphere" -> "splitting the game into episodes led to different atmospheres"

Done

"who added gameplay changes and the modified point system" -> "who added gameplay changes such as the modified point system"

Done

Reception (part 2)

"The Personal Software versions of Zork I for the TRS-80 version sold 1,500 copies in the nine months after its release in December 1980, and the Apple II version sold 6,000 copies in the same period." -> "In the first nine months after the game's release in 1980, Personal Software sold 1500 copies of Zork for the TRS-80, and 6000 copies for the Apple II."

Done

"Sales declined after that point, and total Zork I sales reached 380,000 copies by 1986" -> "Although sales eventually declined, Zork I had sold 380,000 copies by 1986."

Done with changes

"and more than 680,000 copies through 1986, including the 1986 Zork Trilogy compilation release," -> full stop here, for readability and flow

Done

"Zork overall comprised more than one-third of Infocom's two million total game sales between 1982 and 1986" -> " Between 1982 and 1986, the Zork trilogy comprised more than one-third of Infocom's two million total game sales"
"Zork I continued to be reviewed for several years after its wide release" -> "Zork I earned additional reviews several years after its release."

Done

"As late as September 1983, reviews for the episode still praised it, with Mark Renne of SoftSide that month claiming it was difficult and a "must have", with a parser that was one of the best available, and Eric Grevstad of Family Computing terming it already a classic of the genre" -> "As late as September 1983, reviews for the episode still praised it, with Eric Grevstad of Family Computing proclaiming it a classic of the genre, and Mark Renne of SoftSide calling it a "must have" game with one of the best text parsers available." (flow)

Done

"The second and third parts were similarly praised; Softline applauded Zork II's "well-balanced mix of humor, wit, and wry puns" in May 1982 and recommended the game to both new and experienced players" -> "The second and third parts were similarly praised. In May 1982, Softline recommended Zork II for its "well-balanced mix of humor, wit, and wry puns".

Done

Legacy (again)

"Other historians, as well as Lebling," -> maybe leave out Lebling. It doesn't add anything, and other historians have said it

Done

"PC Gamer, in 2016, claimed Zork as one of the 50 most important video games ever made, on the basis that in addition to being the foundation of Infocom, that it had "defined" adventure games for an entire generation" -> " In 2016, PC Gamer ranked Zork as one one of the 50 most important video games ever made, for establishing Infocom as a studio, and defining an entire generation of adventure games."

Done

"Zork was named to a list of the ten most important video games of all time" -> "Zork was listed among the ten most important video games of all time"

Done

"Instead, following its initial plans to make software in general rather than just games, Infocom invested heavily in creating Cornerstone (1985), a relational database software product which had poor sales. This resulted in financial difficulties and the company being sold to Activision in 1986; it was shut down entirely in 1989" -> "Instead, Infocom diversified into professional software by creating a relational database product called Cornerstone (1985). Poor sales led to financial difficulties, and the company was sold to Activision in 1986, before shutting down entirely in 1989."

Done with the split

Further to above, maybe the shut down belongs after the sequels created by Activision. But I leave this to your discretion.

Done

Are you familiar at all with Legend Entertainment? It might be worth mentioning that many Infocom veterans moved on here, and might fit in context with the shutdown.

I didn't mention it because the named people from MIT didn't go there, so it would just be "Infocom employees who didn't work on Zork formed another company that's considered kind of a spiritual successor", which would fit in an article about Infocom but not really this one.

"and taking place in the Zork world" -> this is implied?

Without it, it implies that it follows the "plot" of the games themselves rather than just the worldbuilding

That's a lot, but that will take us across the finish line. Thanks again for your hard work and patience. This was a pleasure to read. Shooterwalker (talk) 16:00, 19 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Shooterwalker: Done, thanks again! --Pres N 01:07, 20 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Very happy to give this a pass for GA. Thanks for your hard work and patience. In fact, I think it might already be within a good shot of FA status. I hope you'll go for it when you find the time. Shooterwalker (talk) 02:08, 21 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]