Talk:Zoe Arancini/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Resolute (talk · contribs) 22:47, 22 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

No required change, but a suggestion: The medal table might look cleaner without the repetitive use of "team competition" on each line, especially since there are no articles to link to. It seems busy to me with so much there.

I swear it is in the MOS somewhere, but generally we don't put the subject's birth location in the lead unless it is especially relevant. I did notice on your first two GA water polo articles that one includes the birth location, while the other does not. I personally would remove it, but if other reviewers on other articles tend to not have an issue, consistent usage is better.
- Changed. Not a big deal to me either way. I just know DOB belongs. --LauraHale (talk) 01:49, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Link to water polo on first use?
- Changed. Was a bit leery of two wiki links right next to each other. --LauraHale (talk) 01:49, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I don't know if it is appropriate here, but for hockey articles, we tend to get around that by noting that a player is a "Canadian professional ice hockey player". Not asking for another change, just wondering aloud if it you think it would help to note she is a professional or amateur or senior player there. Reso lute 01:37, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"She has represented Australia as a member of the Australia women's national water polo team on the junior and senior level, with over eighty appearances for Australia between the two levels." - Three uses of 'Australia' in one sentence is a tad redundant. I think you could remove the third use... "with over eighty appearances between the two levels".
- Modified wording.--LauraHale (talk) 01:49, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Should that be "majoring in Coastal Zone Management"?
- Yes. Ooops. Modified. --LauraHale (talk) 01:49, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"She was a member of the Fremantle Marlins of the National Water Polo League from 2005 to the present." - Should be "She is a member..." if she is still on the team.
- Yes. Ooops. Modified. --LauraHale (talk) 01:49, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Is there anything that can be said of her time with Fremantle? It seems that seven seasons with the team should lead to something. Any championships? Notable performances? Statistical leader on her team/league in any categories? What are her career highs in important statistics such as goals?
- Added her goals by season in the NWPL. --LauraHale (talk) 01:49, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - That helps, thanks. I do note on the Australian National Water Polo League article that she would have been a member of the championship teams in 2005, 2007 and 2008. I think that would be important to note. Resolute 01:37, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    - Fixed in body and mentioned in the lead. --LauraHale (talk) 08:21, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
If available, this would be a good place to make note of any notable skills or her playing style.
- Not something I've seen discussed in most media sources to know how to address playing style. --LauraHale (talk) 01:49, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I rather expected that, actually. No worries. Reso lute 01:37, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

It gets a bit repetitive in this section as you say "she competed in foo event. She scored bar goals" three times in succession. For the second sentence, might I sugguest: "She also scored three goals in a 19–17 preliminary round loss to Hungry."?
- Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 02:06, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Would it be beneficial to link to the other country national team articles? eg: Hungary?
- Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 02:06, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"She represented Australia at the FINA Junior World Championships..." - I think you forgot to specify that this was the 2009 championship.
- Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 02:06, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

More repetition: In 2009... In 2009... In 2010.... Try to change the wording up a little.
- Fixed. --LauraHale (talk) 02:17, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The team went on to play in the finals of the World League, and finished second overall in the tournament." - Who did they play in the finals?
- Fixed. USA. --LauraHale (talk) 02:15, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Scores should use endashes, not dashes. 10–8 rather than 10-8. (applies to junior section as well)
- Fixed? --LauraHale (talk) 02:15, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I think you went the wrong way... they were all consistently dashes! I've made the change to endashes. It looks like I caught all the scores. Reso lute 01:37, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good. A few issues to be cleaned up, but nothing too concerning. Placing on hold for the time being, regards. Reso lute 22:47, 22 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think that takes care of it. All of my concerns are addressed. Thus, passing. Cheers! Reso lute 00:25, 26 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]