Talk:Zodiac P.I./GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Tintor2 (talk · contribs) 20:40, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hello. I, Tintor2, will review this article. It looks pretty good but there are some issues I would to see done before passing it to GA.

The reception section starts directly with a review. Try to start with a generalization like in the lead
Reception section: Most readers might be wondering "who is Jason Thompson?" Add if he is a writer or something like that.
~~Then there were some issues in the lead that I already touched so I shouldn't bother you.~~

Regards.Tintor2 (talk) 20:40, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

What are the sources that verify the genres listed in the infobox and in the lead sentence? A source is important because this is one of the most common areas of original research within the topic area.
"is a shōjo (targeted towards girls) mystery manga series" is rather clumsily worded.

—Farix (t | c) 22:30, 31 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Adding DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 22:34, 31 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox doesn't need period unless it contains more than one sentence
"While solving cases, Lili eventually learns from Hiromi's elder sister, Megumi Oikawa, that Hiromi's allergy to girls resulted from her." Clarity on second her.
"who hates her as he believes that she kidnapped and injured his girlfriend" Clarity
"Lili's mother takes over her fortune-telling business" I thought Lili was a detective. What?

Hi everyone, and thank you all for taking the time to review and improve this article! :D I'll be able to address your concerns and make improvements within the next couple of days or so. Thank you for your patience. Best wishes, Rapunzel-bellflower (talk) 02:25, 2 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you all for your input and patience. I've been feeling under the weather lately, and wasn't able to respond as quickly as I would have liked. @Tintor2: I think I've addressed all concerns now. Please let me know if there still are any areas you would like to see improved. :)

@TheFarix: I think I've fixed the genre issue, but I'm unsure of how to fix the lead wording issue you raised. While manga has become a widely accepted term in the English-speaking part of the world, shojo (and shonen, seinen, etc.) has not, and I very strongly feel that it should be defined, so as to not alienate readers unfamiliar with manga... or maybe less familiar than your average manga fan. What would you suggest?

@DragonZero:, thank you as usual for checking my stilted prose! I think I fixed points 3-4, but I'm not sure how to reword point 2. He got his allergy from Lili after he waited in the rain for her to show up, and she never did. Best wishes, Rapunzel-bellflower (talk) 03:35, 5 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

About Farix's problems I wonder if could be solved like this. "Zodiac P.I. (Japanese: 十二宮でつかまえて Hepburn: Jūnikyū de Tsukamaete?) is a mystery manga series written and illustrated by Natsumi Ando. Appearing as a serial in the shōjo (targeted towards girls) monthly manga magazine Nakayoshi from the April 2001 issue to the January 2003 issue. The chapters were compiled into four bound volumes by Kodansha and published from November 2001 to March 2003."

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that! Ok. I'll try that, and see if it suffices. Rapunzel-bellflower (talk) 20:55, 6 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Upping to GA. Congratulations.Tintor2 (talk) 21:07, 6 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]