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Talk:Yusuf al-Azma/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Kges1901 (talk · contribs) 23:34, 14 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

  • Nice to see such a high quality article from an under-represented area. I have several comments:
  • In the infobox, Minister of War and Chief of General Staff, suggest adding 'of Syria'
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • For the 1883 birthdate, I note that Arab wikipedia has an uncited birthdate with the exact day. Do any of your sources have an exact day of birth?
For the life of me I could not find an exact birthdate anywhere. I can’t read Arabic and don’t have access to some of the Arabic sources used by the Western sources that might contain a specific date. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Arab Army, World War I in lead
There is no article on the army of the Arab Kingdom of Syria, but I linked the Syrian Army. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • against the French invasion suggest 'against a French invasion', possibly link French invasion to Franco-Syrian War
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • fought in multiple fronts should be 'fought on multiple fronts'
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Emir Faisal, the leader of the Arab Revolt and need a comma after 'revolt'
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • With little resources and support, I do not see how this statement is supported in the body of the article.
  • Al-'Azma was among the more vociferous opponents of French rule and as their troops advanced toward Damascus from Lebanon, al-'Azma was authorized to confront them can just say 'he' instead of the second Al-'Azma
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • al-'Azma engaged the French at Maysalun Pass but he was killed in action, his soldiers were dispersed and the French occupied Damascus on 25 July 1920. Suggest '...but was killed in action and his soldiers dispersed, which allowed the French to occupy Damascus on 25 July 1920.'
Done. —Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • In 'Early life and family', is it relevant to this biography what members of his family did after his death?
It demonstrates that al-Azmas family continued to hold prominence in Syria after his death as it did prior to his career, but I can remove if it seems trivial. —Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • In 'Military career with the Ottomans', enlisted in the Ottoman Army Wasn't he already in the Ottoman Army following his graduation from the academy in 1906?
Clarified. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • In 1914, al-'Azma was Commander of the 25th Infantry Division during World War I. The 25th Division apparently saw combat, so are there any details of where he fought?
I scoured the sources available to me and could not find these details. I’m assuming they’re in Arabic or even Turkish sources, but I have no access to these. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Later during the war, he was reassigned as a deputy of Mention that Enver Pasha was minister of war. Also, is an exact date for his reassignment known?
Done, but I don’t have an exact date because of the same issues I encountered when looking for details about his combat experience and birthdate. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • In January 1919, Faisal appointed al-'Azma as Damascus' military attaché to Beirut. I note that the source says 'military delegate', and a military attache is a representative in an embassy in a foreign country, which is not accurate here as Lebanon appears to have been part of the Kingdom of Syria.
Done Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • In 'Minister of War', Yasin al-Hashimi who had been arrested by British forces add comma after al-Hashimi
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Suggest changing 'Afterward' to 'Afterwards'
Done Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Al-'Azma sensed resistance to his conscription campaign particularly in Aleppo missing comma before 'particularly'
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • Meanwhile, Yasin al-Hashimi No need to repeat his first name here.
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • al-'Azma was targeted by a tank crew and shot dead by French machine gun fire. He was hit in the chest and head. Suggest combining and rephrasing these two sentences as it would appear that he was killed by machine gun fire from the tank
  • Al-'Azma was the only Arab officer to die in the battle Just say 'he' here. In general, you could probably switch more frequently between 'he' and 'Al-'Azma' throughout the article.
Done Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the helpful suggestions and taking this review Kges1901. I’ve addressed most of the points above, but there’s a couple that I’ll address later today hopefully. Let me know if there’s any other concerns. —Al Ameer (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
@Kges1901: I believe I’ve addressed the remaining concerns you’ve raised. —Al Ameer (talk) 23:33, 20 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): {{GAList/check|}y} c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
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