Talk:Yusuf II of Granada/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 18:20, 5 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hello HaEr48, happy to review the article for you.

Assessment

Great research, an interesting read, and the article is sound in many ways, but there's quite a lot of copy editing to sort (details to follow). Amitchell125 (talk) 16:27, 9 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Lead section / infobox

Link Muhammad VII; Muhammad V in the infobox.
Done. It is actually already linked in "Predecessor" and "Successor" but I'm okay with doing it again to reduce confusion. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Personally, I would amend ...the eleventh... - to ‘...the 11th…’ (MOS:NUMERAL says you can choose).
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
A minor point, r. 1354–1359, 1362–1391? (ignore me if you want here).
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I would attempt to reduce the times Yusuf is mentioned by name (7 in the lead, 11 in ‘Return…’ and ‘Rule’, 8 in ‘Family’).
Replaced many mentions by name, but it is not always easy, so many others still remain. Let me know what you think. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for trying, I think it will do. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:26, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

...or suspect that… - this sounds as if no historians considered both ideas to be true. ‘... the report's veracity is doubted and the details in it may be exaggerated…’ sounds better imo.
Replaced using your suggestion. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

Too many examples of Muhammad? Consider using alternatives here, such as ‘the Sultan(’s}’, ‘his’, ‘him’.
Reduced some, but it's hard because there are other Sultans (Ismail II, and Muhammad VI), one of them even with the same name. Let me know if you have other ideas. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I would amend ...in Fez… to ‘...to Fez…’.
Done (in the lead too). HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Initially is redundant.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Return to al-Andalus

The link to circumcision doesn’t lead to where you expect, I would amend it to ‘Khitan (circumcision)’.
Seems its already changed. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...seven-year… should be ‘...seven years…’.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The first 2 paragraphs deal with events when Yusuf was a boy of seven or younger – shouldn’t these go into the 'Early years' section?
That will leave only one paragraph before #Rule. Retitled the first section "Birth and his family's exile" instead. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...returned Ronda. - ‘...returned Ronda to him.’?
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Why 'Finally'?
Because presumably there is a period of time between attempting to use him for bargaining, before they finally returned him without getting the desired concession? 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)
Afterwards,… - this sounds as if the brothers were born straight after he arrived back.
Changed to "Later"
this event is among the information historians used to deduce… - I would amend this to ‘this event has helped historians to deduce…’ or something similar.
Updated. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
On 26 June 1363, Muhammad relieved Yahya ibn Umar, the shaykh al-ghuzat or the Chief of the Volunteers of the Faith, a corps of North African soldiers fighting for Granada, from his post. - needs to be rewritten to make it easier to follow, possible by moving ‘...the shaykh al-ghuzat or the Chief of the Volunteers of the Faith, a corps of North African soldiers fighting for Granada…’ down to the next sentence.

Rewritten. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

the boy and two are redundant.
Removed "two", but I think "the boy" serves to remind the reader of his age. I would have written the exact age, but his birth date is unknown. HaEr48 (talk)
...longest reigns in the history of the dynasty. - could be simplified to ‘...dynasty’s longest reigns.’.
Done. HaEr48 (talk)
At one point… - is vague. Is there a date available?

"*: No exact date but Vidal Castro mentioned it's around his age of majoriy. Mentioned. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

...for a suspicion… - ‘...on suspicion…’.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...about 35-year old. – needs to be copy edited.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:38, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Rule

Duplicate link - Henry III.
Fixed. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...future… - ‘...the future…’.
Fixed. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...took the throne… and By principles… both need to be copy edited.
Copyedited both. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
... had good relations - ‘... had maintained good relations….’?
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Early on, he imprisoned his father's vizier, the poet Ibn Zamrak, in a dungeon in Almería. - this could improved by saying, for example, ‘In the first year of his rule he imprisoned the poet Ibn Zamrak, who had been his father's vizier.’.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...this could have meant a servant, client or freedman… - would imo be better as a separate note.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Redundant words that should be removed: against him; who managed to recruit a number of men to his side; new in ‘new peace treaty’; also in ‘also seemed’.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...which took place in the first year of his rule… - should imo be in the previous paragraph.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...future… - ‘...the future…’.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...and Muhammad recognised his father's authority. - may confuse readers. Consider amending to ‘...and Muhammad’s authority was recognised by his son.’.
Done (Yusuf's authority...). HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
... allowed them to go… - ‘... allowed them to appear…’ sounds better.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...and the provision was cancelled… - it’s not clear to me what this means.
It means the previously mentioned authorization was cancelled. Removed because it can be implied by the fact that the letter was never sent. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Family

...born slightly later. - this sounds as if they were twins.
Changed to "not long after". HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...he was the father… - who was ‘he’?
Yusuf (explained). HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Could you explain why Ismail III is not included in the list of Sultans at the bottom of the article. i.e. why he is a red link?
For some reason not all sources include Ismail III in the list of Nasrid Sultans. Added a note to mentioned that (I haven't looked at Ismail III closely yet, so I don't have further explanations). It's likely that the person who started all the Wikipedia stubs, and the person who created the template worked from a source that does not mention him. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I would add a template for (r. 1370–1394), there another in the next section to add as well.
Done. I was just worried that the user will get tired of the underline/tooltip in r. . HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Your worry, unnecessary as it is, has been noted. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:30, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Death

Duplicate link - Yusuf III
Fixed. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...died relatively young… - I would simply provide an age, without commenting on his youth.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It’s unusual to link part of a publication, and I would avoid it, as the link doesn’t provide extra information for Yusuf’s article.
Fixed. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I would say ‘written by Fernán Sánchez, a Christian…’
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...and considering that Fernán Sánchez wrote many similar stories of assassinations with poisoned clothes… - who considered this?
Harvey (whose opinion is the subject of this sentence). HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...Another modern historian… - I would amend this to ‘.The historian…’, as it sounds as if you are talking about someone who is an expert on modern history.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Citations

A minor point, but I would have 'Citations' and 'Bibliography' in separate level 2 sections, not as subsections.
Done, but I think the MOS allowed these two styles. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
A url is available for Arié here.
That's a review of the book rather than the book itself. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Oops. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:31, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

A (slightly better?) url is available for Harvey here.
Done. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

On hold

I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 17 October to allow time for any issues to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 17:23, 9 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Amitchell125, Thank you for your review. I've responded above, and let me know if you have more feedback. HaEr48 (talk) 18:54, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Done

...and it's GA. Great work as usual, HaEr48. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 19:35, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]