Talk:Yummy (Gwen Stefani song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs)05:50, 12 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this for a review. I should have my comments up in a couple of days. If possible, I would greatly appreciate it if you reviewed my GAN for Tempt, Tease and Touch. Aoba47 (talk) 05:50, 12 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox

In the lead, you mention the song was recorded during multiple sessions in Miami, but the infobox lists a Hollywood recording studio as well. Please clarify this point if you are going to bring up the recording process in the lead.

Done

I would replace “DVD” in “extra tracks on a DVD” to a link to Harajuku Lovers Live. I would avoid vague language since one of the primary intentions was for the album to be included on this specific video album. Keep the link to the video album in the body of the article on its first mention.

Done

I would combine the last sentence of the lead’s first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph to form (It is a dance-pop track with lyrics that revolve around food, sexual intercourse, and roles in a household). Keep the link to dance-pop. I would add this new sentence to the end of the first paragraph. This is more a suggestion, but I feel it improves the lead.

Done

I would open the second paragraph with the sentence beginning with (“Yummy” divided…) and move the comparisons to “Milkshake” to after that to clearly mark the transition to the reception of the song and then go into the comparisons with the other song.

Done

You mention “production” twice in close proximity in the second paragraph of the lead. I would recommend rephrasing or adding more variety. The sentence structure is a little awkward so it would benefit from some revision either way.

Done

I am assuming you mean “sang a rendition of the track as a medley” instead of a “melody”?

Done

Digital download should be included in the available format. And put “CD single” rather than “CD” for clarity.

Not done I don't have any source claiming it is was available as a digital download; however, I did change to "CD single"

Makes sense, thank you for the clarification.

Background and composition

I am assuming the upcoming and untitled sixth studio album is a reference to Push & Shove. I would replace this phrase with a link to the album as it was already released and named.

Done

I would recommend a better ALT description for the Pharrell image. What is he doing in the image. Also, describe Pharrell rather than just saying a photo of “Pharrell” as that would not be helpful for readers who are not familiar with him.

Done

Change “after only being featured” to “after being originally featured”

Done

As I previously stated in the lead, you only mention the recording process in Miami without any reference to the Hollywood location. It would helpful to clarify where the Hollywood recording studio factors into all of this.

Done

Remove the “all” in “all developed” as it is filler word.

Done

Clarify the meaning of “upcoming project” in the same sentence. Is this referring “The Sweet Escape”? If so, replace with link to the album to avoid confusion, as you do not properly introduce the parent album in the body of the article.

Done

Remove “sophomore” in front of the phrase “the sophomore album” as it is filler and not needed.

Done

As I stated with the infobox, use “CD single” instead of just “CD”

Done

I am not sure the phrase “ where Stefani discussed her unfinished third studio album” as it only confuses the reader. I know you are referring to the recording process prior to her scrapping everything and starting from scratch to do her new album, but it is a little unclear to an unfamiliar reader. Plus, it is not necessary for understanding the point being made about Stefani’s preference for this song.

Done

Change the following phrase (and Pharrell Williams, while the latter was the track's sole producer) to (and Pharrell Williams, while it was produced by The Neptunes). Williams is a part of The Neptunes obviously, but it is a lot different to say that Williams produced the record by himself and The Neptunes produced the record. Even if reviews emphasized Williams' involvement in the production, he cannot be mistaken as the "sole producer".

Done

Critical reception

Move “generally” in between “received” and “mixed”

Done

Clarify that Pytlik called it the best song of the album. You do not need to quote something small like that so you could change the sentence to (Pytlik called it the best song on The Sweet Escape) or something to that effect. Otherwise, a reader might misinterpret this and believe he is calling it the best song of all time.

Done

I am slightly confused about your second sentence about Baldwin’s critique. You say he disliked the singer’s lyrics, but the song was written by both Stefani and Williams, and not just Stefani? This may be a mistake on my part as I have not read the source so this could be easily clarified.

Done But he must've been mistaken; I just used his words versus mine. If I had written the review, I would've mentioned Williams' contribution, but Baldwin clearly didn't. Carbrera (talk) 22:38, 12 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I would change the AllMusic sentence to the follow: (While comparing the five The Neptunes-produced tracks on the album, Stephen Thomas Erlewine of AllMusic found the record to “rather embarrassing” and “cloying and crass” rather than “effortless and effervescent”. This change is entirely up to you, but I thought I might suggest an improvement.

Done

You use the verb sum in close proximity in the final sentence of this section. I would suggest finding an alternative for the first instance.

Done

Live performances

Great job here. Nothing to change.

Done Hey thanks! Carbrera (talk) 22:38, 12 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Credits and personnel

Add the information about the recording locations to this section.

Done

Random

As a quick check, did this song manage to chart anywhere? It was a promotional single. I am more than certain you have checked already, but I wanted to make sure.

Done Didn't chart anywhere, unfortunately. Carbrera (talk) 22:38, 12 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I would recommend adding this song to the category: Songs about sexuality (I am kind of surprised that is a thing since so many songs would be placed in that category.)

Final comments

My full review is above. If you have any questions or concerns about my comments, feel free to let me know. Once the above review is fully addressed, this will be passed as a GA. Aoba47 (talk) 06:40, 12 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Took care of it all. Thanks so much! Carbrera (talk) 22:38, 12 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Carbrera: Great job as always. This is a definite pass. Aoba47 (talk) 23:07, 12 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]