Talk:YMCA Camp Fitch on Lake Erie/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 04:28, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:28, 10 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

"While it began as a seasonal camp, Fitch now has the capability to operate throughout the year," I would reword a bit, something like "Fitch grew from a seasonal camp to one operating throughout the year.."
"owing in part to an campaign " to a campaign
"In 1914 the Board of Trustee" comma after 1914
The history section has a few unsourced paragraphs; all paras need at least one cite.
"The campsite in 1914 was established at" 1914's established in the previous sentence, so not needed here.
"Fortunately, this reptilian problem was rectified through the relocation of the camp grounds." rm fortunately, not really necessary (plus, relocating away from snakes makes that kinda a given)
"anniversary of Camp Fitch, camp was moved to its present site." the camp
"the camp emphasis was on program and the" on programs; also could that be made more specific?
"This received an enthusiastic response, and the following years additional periods just for girls were added." cite needed
"With the addition of the year round programming, about 19,000 campers attend the camp a year." cite needed
"Thus, the cabent (a tent/cabin hybrid) was born" the parenthesis can be removed and commas added; also, the sentence doesn't sound encyclopedic and should be reworded.
"In the early 2000’s, most cabents" 2000s; also this sentence needs citing
"For several decades members of the international have had a continual presence among the staff and volunteers of Camp Fitch." of the international what? This sentence as a whole is rather confusing.
"This tradition can trace its roots back to 1972" what tradition? The International section as whole really needs a copyedit.
"Today Camp Fitch still works extensively with YMCA España as well as the YMCA ICCP Program and other international partners to coordinate international camping experiences for foreign children and young adults. Every year, Fitch hosts several international staff members, campers and CITs." cite needed
"campers are divided into different age groups, "villages"." , or "villages".
Specialty camps section could use more citing.
"Its Counselor in Training program in particular is well known in the region for training members of the international community" stuff like that definitely needs citing.
For the references, for the same site, sometimes "Camp Fitch" is noted as the publisher while "YMCA Camp Fitch site" is noted other times. Try to keep it specific.
Going on that, try to add more third-party sources; well over half of the article is sourced by the campgrounds themselves.

I was originally planning to hold this until the editor came back from break, but the fact that I found major prose and referencing issues means that I can't in good conscience leave it on hold indefinitely. I'll have to fail this as a result. Before re-nomming, make sure everything that could be contentious is sourced, and make sure the article gets an independent copyedit for both prose and tone (which is mostly fine, but iffy in a few places). Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:52, 12 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]