Talk:Wu Zuguang/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Johanna (talk · contribs) 15:59, 3 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Will review soon as well. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 15:59, 3 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

It appears that you have cleared up the parallel issues in this article.

Yes, thanks for your suggestions on the Xin Fengxia review.

Saying that someone achieved a "legendary reputation" is non-neutral

That's according to an academic source (Ying 2010). I've put it in quotes to make clear it's the author's opinion.

"which is considered his masterpiece" By whom? If you don't specify, it sounds like a fact.

The source (Ying 2010, citation in article body) says it's generally considered his masterpiece, so it's a widely held view. I've added the word "generally" to make it clear.

I would replace "even better known as" with "also known as"

Again, that's what the source says (Jones 2011), but your suggestion is reasonable and I made the change.

Replace "hard labour" with "penal labour"

Done.

"Despite these ordeals..." Parallelism: should be "called"

Added "to" instead: "continued to criticize" ... "and to call for" ...

Any information on his mother?

Most sources focus on his father's side, which was very prominent. I've now added some info about his mother.

I think you can shorten the note about Sino-French University, as I don't think that all that information is relevant.

Removed. I'll start an article on the university when I have time.

I think you can remove the phrase "China's then capital", but if you want to include something like that, just say "then-capital"

Removed.

"When the Japanese invaded China" I suggest "At the outset of the Second Sino-Japanese War, Wu wrote the patriotic war play "City of Phoenix (凤凰城)"

Changed.

Replace "a famous name" with "well-known" for encyclopedic tone

Done.

Same comment about the phrase "is considered his masterpiece."

Add "generally" as above.

"which caused the ire of" Rather awkward wording: say "which infuriated"

Done.

"After the Mao's Communists" In addition to the typo inclusion of "the", I would just say "after the Communist Party of China"

Done.

Instead of just captioning "family portrait", be more specific. For example, you could expand it to say "Wu (center), his wife Xin Fengxia, and his three children).

Done.

"His "crime" was to criticize" Although I agree that what he did was no crime, you should remove the quotation marks to be more formal. However, I would also recommend a phrasing change: "He was convicted for criticizing"

Removed the quotation marks. I doubt there was any formal trial and conviction, an accusation was enough to bring someone down at the time.

Refs appear to look good and are working well.

Thanks.

@Zanhe: Here are my comments for the second article! I think it's really great that you're taking the time to expand the articles on these people, whose experiences were (and are) all too common. I will definitely be able to pass once you copyedit the article. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 00:23, 24 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Johanna: Thanks for another thoughtful review! I've implemented most of your recommended changes and explained the rest. Please let me know if you have more concerns. Regards, -Zanhe (talk) 18:44, 24 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Zanhe: Wonderful work! I can Pass now. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 18:31, 25 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]