Talk:Women's rights in Tonga

Comments

Hi Brendan Could you please post comments and ask for feedback on the article talk page?? In order to improve your article it would be a good idea to start communicating on the talk page. thanks Diksha41 (talk) 06:50, 19 April 2012 (UTC)

You need to change your article title from "Women" to "Women's" BerikG (talk) 15:24, 19 April 2012 (UTC)BerikG

How do I make changes to the article title? Brendanrow (talk) 01:43, 25 April 2012 (UTC)

I requested this from Lane Raspberry (the Wiki ambassador) listed on our course website. BerikG (talk) 07:04, 28 April 2012 (UTC)BerikG

Also, I added the course banner. BerikG (talk) 15:26, 19 April 2012 (UTC)BerikG

Peer Review

This topic is very interesting, and I look forward to reading the completed product! My revisions mostly regard depth and organization of the article and the need for more references all throughout. In general the major revisions needed regard:

1. The format. Revision and more organization are needed so that the article flows better. Perhaps begin with an introductory paragraph; then background on Tongan social structure, demography, politics, etc.; followed by CEDAW and Tonga; then Specific inequalities; and conclude with reforms towards women's rights.
2. More references. Throughout the article references are minimal, and the facts presented are more credible with proper citations (furthermore, original research is discouraged from my understanding).
3. Flow of the article. Perhaps reorganizing the format of the article would make the flow better, in addition each section needs to be reviewed for grammatical errors.

The following are comments and suggestions by section:

• "Gender Inequalities in Tonga": needs to be prefaced with content prior to jumping into statistics. There are also a few grammatical errors.
• "Demography": more content is needed as to why it is important that the population is nearly 50-50, you may want to include scholarly work on sex-selective births and how that relates (or doesn't relate) to Tonga in specific.
• " Tongan Culture and CEDAW": needs expansion on the laws discussed and more information in the last sentence. What exactly is the "perceived oppression of women"? Also, what exactly is "women['s]...place in Tongan society"?
• "Kin Based Stratification": include detail as to how this relates to the main topic.
• "Family Decision Making": review for grammatical errors.
• "Women's Land Rights": consider putting this topic and all others that directly discuss specific inequalities under a general heading.
• "Land Ownership Reformations": more details are needed about the purpose of the Ministry of Women's Affairs and the expectations of the Ministry.
• " Violence Against Women": consider including some statistics.
• "Reform and Protecting Women": more references are needed (this applies to the article in general).
• "Women's Political Participation in Tonga": more focus (on content directly related to the heading) and detail should be put into this section.
• "Cultural Attitudes and Social Norms": review for grammatical errors, consider including more detail about the cultural and social norms, and providing statistics if there are any.

In general this topic is very interesting and once edited I think it will be great. I hope my comments help.

LupeAguilera (talk) 05:42, 24 April 2012 (UTC)

I have sent to you my email address to which you can send me the word document that you edited. I really appreciate your willingness and concern in a thorough review and response to my article. I have tried to look up more statistics regarding violence against women and I have found information that I may add to the article. Furthermore, as you suggested, I will be adding and completing the references that need to be done throughout the article. Again thank you for your help!!! Brendanrow (talk) 03:42, 25 April 2012 (UTC)

Peer Review

Brendan, So far you have some great information. I would certainly add an opening paragraph to give a brief summary of the issue the are discussing so people know what they are getting into. Also, you have net yet added any hyperlinks. I am assuming you just have not had the time yet but make you sure add hyperlinks to things like HDR and CEDAW. The first time that you mention CEDAW you should write out the the whole title and then place “CEDAW” in parentheses. From that point on, you no longer have to write out the whole title but you can just write “CEDAW”. You do this most of the time, but there is at least one place that this needs to be changed.

The section “Tongan Culture and CEDAW” could use some more sources so could the whole “Tongan Social Structure” section. There are a few places that it looks like you started a quote but never really finished it such as the last sentence of “Tonga and CEDAW” and the ‘Ulumotu’a’ in “Family Decision Making”. Overall, I think it would be beneficial to re-read and double check that your quotes are correct.

“Article 12 CEDAW” -- The first sentence doesn’t make sense. “has made a recent efforts”. Last sentence in “Women’s Land Rights” needs punctuation. First sentence in “Cultural Attitudes and Social Norms” needs revision “the 33 seats in of”.

Overall, it is an interesting topic and I think you have done a nice job of collecting information. I would suggest proof reading to catch little mistakes and, of course, adding sources and hyperlinks. Additional information never hurts either! I look forward to reading the final product. Alainas (talk) 16:33, 24 April 2012 (UTC)Alainas

As you suggested, I too think that a brief summary would greatly add to the article as a whole. I am planning on adding this to that article at the beginning and before the contexts if at all possible. As for the sources, I have not yet completed adding all of my references and plan to complete this soon. Thanks again for your peer review. Brendanrow (talk) 03:42, 25 April 2012 (UTC)

Peer Review

I think that making the outline flow better would help the reader find the information that they are looking for specifically. Throughout the article links are needed to direct the reader to information that is unfamiliar. The article provides substantial information on Tonga and The women's rights there. I would like to see more specific information on how women in Tonga feel about their situation. Are women in Tonga concerned with the issues described? Some of the headings did not make much sense to me the information under the sub-sections should be better matched. 208.54.4.168 (talk) 02:23, 25 April 2012 (UTC)

I think that your suggestion to change the order of the outline is a great idea. I am having trouble linking subjects to other articles, but I am in the process of doing this. I also need to continue and finish my references within the articles Brendanrow (talk) 03:05, 25 April 2012 (UTC)

Refinements

Heed the requests added by the Wiki editors at the top your article. I am in agreement with the peer review comments as well. The main improvement necessary is to strengthen clarity, precision, and provide more elaboration. Add a summary paragraph on the state of women's rights in Tonga. The current first section could be improved as well. Here is a suggested revision of the paragraph:

"According to the 2011 Human Development Report (HDR), Tonga ranked 90th out of 187 countries in terms of the Human Development Index (HDI). In terms of gender inequalities, a key indicator that stands out in the HDR is that in 2011 Tongan women constituted 3.4% of the elected representatives, which stands in stark contrast to the regional averages for East Asia and Pacific (20.2%) and small island developing countries (20.6%). Moreover, no woman was elected in the 2010 elections, albeit one was appointed to a cabinet post. This poor political representation does not seem to stem from the low educational attainment of women. According to the HDR 2011, 84% of women and 87.8% of men in Tonga had at least secondary education, which is well above the regional averages for East Asia and the Pacific and small island developing countries. There was disparity in women's labor force participation relative to men's participation rate: Half the Tongan women were in the labor force compared to 75% of Tongan men."

I suggest attaching the Demography section to the above (and "ration" should be "ratio). 174.23.231.169 (talk) 18:56, 28 April 2012 (UTC)BerikG

Thank You for all of your help and suggestions. 76.8.204.187 (talk) 18:49, 1 May 2012 (UTC)

Suggestions

This article presents an interesting issue, but there are a few things that could be altered to improve the overall quality. First, the leading section doesn’t provide an introduction into the topic. Instead, the leading section jumps into the topic without explaining the background on CEDAW and why CEDAW is important. Next, many of the suggestions on the talk page haven’t been implemented into the article, and the suggestions that were made would greatly improve the readability of the article. Also, the facts in this article are not well documented and need further sources to prove their validity. Another way to improve this article would be to provide additional and accurate information about Tongan culture so readers have a better grasp of women’s rights in Tonga. Finally, the article needs to take a neutral standpoint and reflect better on both sides of the issue.SioneF (talk) 03:09, 6 March 2013 (UTC)

Wikipedia Ambassador Program course assignment

This article was the subject of an educational assignment at University of Utah supported by the Wikipedia Ambassador Program during the 2012 Q1 term. Further details are available on the course page.

The above message was substituted from {{WAP assignment}} by PrimeBOT (talk) on 16:54, 2 January 2023 (UTC)

Wikipedia Ambassador Program course assignment

This article is the subject of an educational assignment at University of Utah supported by the Wikipedia Ambassador Program during the 2013 Spring term. Further details are available on the course page.

The above message was substituted from {{WAP assignment}} by Primefac (talk) on 17:21, 2 January 2023 (UTC)