Talk:Winfred P. Lehmann/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 18:48, 12 October 2020 (UTC)

Happy to review the article.

Assessment

Lead section / infobox

• Move Japanese down.
• Is there anything available to verify the list of notable works listed in the infobox?
• ...a large number of languages, including... is redundant, and can be removed, as the list of languages that follows it is clearly large.

Early life and education

• Duplicate links - Indo-European studies; Japanese
• The link to German leads to 'German studies' Which is correct here?

Apologies for not being clearer, I understand studied German to mean 'studied the German language', but the link takes you to German studies, which isn't the same thing. It needs to be clearer which subject he studied. Amitchell125 (talk) 16:26, 19 October 2020 (UTC)

• Among his teachers at the University of Wisconsin were… - Some MOS:BLUESEA follows this. Consider simply listing their names, as the preceding text in the sentence already introduces them as academics.
• It was however… - this seems to connect the text on either side of it. Is it supposed to?
• Consider amending American Speech to ‘the journal American Speech’.
• Unlink verbs (MOS:OL).

Early career

• Link stroke.

General comments

• {{There are examples of WP:PEA scattered throughout the article, which should be avoided unless they can be cited: pioneering; a highly prestigious position; numerous... professors ; much engaged; important Syntactic Typology; very much (active); have been highly significant; a spacious house; notable work(s).
• The text would be improved if there were fewer examples of Lehmann and more pronouns (e.g. the 'Career' section has 22 x Lehmann and 10 x he).

Career at the University of Texas at Austin

• ...and many more. - is redundant.
• Unlink North America (common term).
• I would amend the section title to ‘Career’.
• ...his notable work Proto-Indo-European Phonology (1952) – notable sounds editorial, and King & Salmons don’t call it that. I would paraphrase their words more closely.
• Refs 6b and 6c (K&S:617) doesn’t appear to verify the text.
• ...considered a pioneering work… - by whom?
• ...all PhD's… - no apostrophe needed (Apostrophe#Non-standard_English_use).

Retirement

• Duplicate link - festschrift
• Link etymology.

Death and legacy

• ...his sister Doris Urban… - is not needed as it is not notable, and ...Dr. Terry Lehmann… - Dr is normally avoided.. Consider improving the prose by amending to something like ‘Lehmann, who was predeceased by his wife Ruth and his son Terry, died in Austin, Texas on August 1, 2007.’.

Personal life

• Duplicate link - Celtic studies.
• Who were James Joyce and Raja Rao?
• Convert 160 acres.
• The Lehmann's inhabited a spacious house on Lake Travis, where the frequently cared for rescued animals. - needs to be copy edited to something like ‘The family lived beside Lake Travis, where they cared for rescued animals.’.
• Link Lake Travis.

Remaining comments

• The 'Selected works' section has no citation(s), and so the list cannot be verified.
• I'm unclear how the academics listed in the 'See also' section are personally connected with Lehmann. Is the list needed?
• In the 'Further reading' section, the sources should be amended so that they include ‘ref=none’, to avoid any error messages (which I am getting).

Sorted. Amitchell125 (talk) 16:42, 19 October 2020 (UTC)

Oh hold

I'm placing the article on hold for a week until 25 October to allow time for the above comments to be addressed. Nice work so far. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:24, 17 October 2020 (UTC)

Thank you Amitchell125 for this very helpful review. I have now modified the article in accordance with your suggestions. Krakkos (talk) 10:02, 18 October 2020 (UTC)

Just a couple of points to complete, Krakkos, otherwise you're there. Amitchell125 (talk) 16:44, 19 October 2020 (UTC)

Thank you Amitchell125 for ensuring that all the necessary improvements are implemented. The links to North America are now removed, and i have clarified that Lehmann studied the German language. I believe all the examples of WP:PEA are now directly attributed to the sources. Krakkos (talk) 17:04, 19 October 2020 (UTC)

Passing

Passing now - great work! Amitchell125 (talk) 17:21, 19 October 2020 (UTC)

Nice! Thanks for a great review! Krakkos (talk) 17:43, 19 October 2020 (UTC)