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Talk:Winchester College football/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]
Passed. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 17:38, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 03:43, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]


I'll take a look at this one. If you have an interest in returning the favor I have a list of unreviewed nominations here. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 03:43, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • The lead seems very short to me; I think a few more sentences to fill out the paragraph would be useful, though I don't think the article requires any more than just the one paragraph
    • Extended.
  • I think "Winkies" would be an appropriate use of bold
    • Added.
  • The fact that "Winkies" is an alternative name for the sport is not mentioned in the body of the article; the citation should be moved to the body with a mention of this
    • Moved.
  • In the image caption, does "Hot" need to be capitalized? Ditto for "Ropes"
    • Fixed.
  • All information starting with "It is..." in the lead is not found elsewhere in the article and should be repeated and cited in the body
    • Done.

History

  • "Winchester Football" → in the lead/article title, "football" is lowercase
    • Fixed.
  • "College" and "Commoners" are not explained prior to their mention in the second paragraph
    • History is now preceded by Teams, which explains all this.
  • "top of St Catherine's Hill to where" → "St." includes a full stop in previous mentions
    • Fixed.
  • "The commoners have red and the college boys blue jerseys" → per MOS:LQ, you can move the full stop inside of the quotes since it's a complete sentence being quoted
    • Done.
  • "Winchester college" → caps on "College"
    • Fixed.
  • "...is confirmed again..." → reads strangely as present tense
    • Edited.
  • "...in the grand commencing "hot"." → move full stop per MOS:LQ as above; quotes are also mismatched (another pair of closing quotes are needed)
    • Fixed.
  • "Old Wykehamist" seems like a very niche, strange thing to pull out of nowhere and then use twice in a row; I think replacing with "Winchester alumnus" would serve readers better as that is instantly understandable
    • Done.

The pitch

  • Some terms are capitalized (Ropes, Worms, etc) while some are not (canvas, post, etc); is this deliberate?
    • All now lowercase.

Teams

  • What do each of the types of players do? Without this information, terms like "kicks", "hotwatch", etc, are sort of meaningless to an unfamiliar reader
    • Added.

Rules

  • The link to Tatler is currently a redirect
    • Fixed.
  • "the game would serve as a substitute" → while not an official MOS guideline, I tend to follow WP:WOULDCHUCK and agree that "the game would serve as" is a strange way to say this
    • Reworded.
  • The bullet points for "tag" and "dribble" read like run-on sentences and the "i.e." parts of each sound out of place; I would either reword each as one sentence or split each into two separate sentences.
    • Split both.
  • ""Behind your side" is designed to stop people loitering" → ambiguously worded, is it stopping people that are loitering up the pitch or is it designed to stop people from loitering up the pitch?
    • Fixed.
  • Why are "Behind", "Conversion", and "Goal" in quotes and in caps?
    • Fixed, along with others like "Bust".

Other

  • The navbox {{Winchester College}} does not include a link to this article, so it's not immediately apparent that its inclusion is appropriate, though it feels like this article is a perfect fit for the "Activities" section

Overall comments

  • The inconsistent use of quotes, caps, and parenthetical descriptors (particularly for positions) is throwing me off - terms in other sports relating to scoring, field elements, positions, etc., don't use quotes or caps (e.g. touchdown, midfielder, hole-in-one, end zone, try, point guard) and it's not clear why they'd be required here
    • Removed quotes and caps. Added more parenthetical descriptors per comment above to assist readers.
  • The structure of the article also makes it quite confusing for someone wholly unfamiliar with the sport; much of the "History" section is unintelligible until reaching the "Pitch" or "Rules" sections since all of the game-specific terms are referenced without the in-depth explanation that those sections provide. I would recommend using this order for the article sections: Rules→The pitch→History→Teams (last two are interchangeable as far as order is concerned in my mind). This gives a good foundation of what the game actually is and the format in which it is played before going into the specific teams that play it and how they came to play it over time.
    • Reordered sections.

Comments from my first read-through are above; no rush on addressing them. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 04:33, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks. Chiswick Chap (talk) 10:02, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
All edits look great. The spotchecks I did all check out so I'm happy giving this a pass. Well done and an interesting read! (Thanks also for picking up the review for one of my pages.) PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 17:36, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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