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Talk:William de Braose, 3rd Lord of Bramber/GA1

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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk) 18:54, 15 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Braose family" Link? (done)
  • "Welsh marches" Link? (done)
  • The places would be good as links, too (done)
  • "land and castles in Sussex, with his caput at Bramber, also at Totnes in Devon and Radnor and Builth in the Welsh Marches." Awkward phrasing, Radnor is a dablink.
Restructured this bit. Relinked Radnor
  • "About 1155, he" In?
Now - In about 1155
  • I'm assuming he had just the two daughters and one son who survived to adulthood? Do we know when they were born?
I have discovered two more sons - but that is OR! - No others are recorded in reliable sources. No birthdata is known.
  • "by Davis" "by historian [name] Davis"?
Leave out the 'by Davis'. It's part of the inline reference.
  • "William witnessed three charters with Stephen at Lewes dated by Davis as 1148–53," Not gonna be clear what this means to someone who doesn't know the topic.
Rewrote that part.
  • "A confirmation charter in the presence of Henry at Rouen." What does that mean?
I have rewritten it to make more sense.
  • "great men" What's a great man?
History books tend to use the term 'magnates' but I was looking for something easier to understand. I didn't get it right though. I've changed the phrasing now to -'He was one of the military leaders'
Probably not. His birthplace is unknown. Although his English ancestral home was in Sussex, he had equivalent bases in Normandy and Wales and for the most significant period of his life he was active in Wales and Ireland.

Not too bad. It struck me as a little choppy the first time I read through, but reading through a second time, it doesn't seem so bad. I can understand that it's difficult to write about someone about whom so little is known. J Milburn (talk) 19:12, 15 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]


Response
I have interspersed my responses above. Thanks for the comments which have led to some useful improvements. Doug (at Wiki) 22:49, 15 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Cool, looking good. Taking another read. Also, after having read our article on The Anarchy, I'm fascinated... Something I'd absolutely love to roleplay...-

  • "He was the third in the line of the Anglo-Norman Braose family" After whom? Why did he get the lands?
After his father and grandfather - now mentioned. He inherited as eldest son. I have put in the word 'inherited' - eldest son is already there.
  • "leaving no issue William's marriage" comma after "issue"? (done)
  • "Middle March" Link?
Changed to 'Welsh Marches' - a simpler term, already linked.
  • You mention King Richard I in the lead, but nowhere in the article.
Added phrase to last sentence - bringing in Richard and John - and added reference to cover it.

Loving it, the text is smoother now, and your research is clearly excellent. Very nice topic, and an article definitely worthy of good article status- I'll be happy to promote once you have looked into these issues. I take it FAC isn't a target for this one? Little more to be said/known? J Milburn (talk) 22:32, 17 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]


Response
Interspersed.
I don't think the topic has enough weight to merit an FA. Thanks for the time you have spent helping it reach a good state.
Doug (at Wiki) 03:16, 18 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Great work. Good topic, well researched and written article. I'm happy to promote now. J Milburn (talk) 16:15, 20 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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