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Talk:William L. Mercereau/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:47, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Going to review for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 14:47, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Lead

[edit]
  • "His home port for thirty years of his fleet of steel carferries was Ludington, Michigan." - home of his fleet of steel carferries for thirty years
  •  Done
  • "The old fashion technology previously involved transferring bulk material from railroad cars to steamship vessel" - antiquated
  •  Done
  • "The break-bulk transfer involved crews of laborers at both the loading and unloading points. That was a costly time-consuming process that was inefficient for profits." - These two sentences might be better off merged into one.
  •  Done

Early life and education

[edit]
  • Any information about his parents and what they did?
  • "He later moved back east to Saginaw, Michigan. There as a young man of 105 pounds (48 kg) he started as a coal stoker on locomotives for the Flint and Pere Marquette Railroad." - consider merging these two sentences together
  •  Done
  • "After a little more than a year at this job" - just more
  •  Done
  • "His first steamship he worked on was" - The
  •  Done
  • "He later worked on the steamships Pere Marquette No. 3 and No. 5 for some time." - how much time exactly?
  •  Done sources only say a few years.
  • Wikilink Lake Michigan
  •  Done
  • "Mercereau quit working for the railroad company after a couple of years" - how many years exactly?
  •  Done copy edited
  • "to get a business degree." - more formal; obtain
  •  Done
  • "In August, 1898," - the first comma is unneeded
  •  Done

Career

[edit]
  • "Technology was introducing in the 1890s" - better; In the 1890s, technology was introducing
  •  Done
  • "but this old technology was on its way out." - the text in bold is informal and needs rewriting to a formal style
  •  Done
  • "but this old technology" - antiquated
  •  Done
  • Wikilink carferry to the appropriate article on the first mention
  •  Done
  • "The next steel carferry for the railroad company was the SS Pere Marquette No. 17. It was basically the same as PM No. 15 except with more extensive cabin accommodations." - consider having both of these sentences merged
  •  Done
  • " This carferry originally was called the SS Muskegon and renamed as the SS Pere Marquette No. 16 as the second carferry in its fleet." - but was renamed
  •  Done
  • "Business was growing rapidly, so he then ordered two more steel carferries. " - With business growing rapidly, he ordered two more steel ferries.
  •  Done
  • "He was known as the "Father of the Fleet" since he gave 31 years of service to the Pere Marquette Railway." - known by whom?
  •  Done
  • "He was known as the 'father of the railroad on the water'" - same query as above
  •  Done
  • "for transporting as a complete loaded freight car unit." - transportation
  •  Done
  • "for the commercial transportation industry in general in the long run." - long-term
  •  Done

Later life and death

[edit]
  • The Ludington Daily News states he died on the evening of September 1, 1931. It might be helpful to include this in the article body.
  •  Done

References

[edit]
  • All mentions of newspapers.com should begin with a capital letter
  •  Done
  • References 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 and 15 are missing the page numbers
  •  Done
  • Reference 11 is missing the author
  •  Done

Am putting the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the points raised above. MWright96 (talk) 19:00, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]