Talk:William Henry Bury/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Mark Arsten (talk · contribs) 17:30, 20 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Will review, comments to follow today or tomorrow probably. Mark Arsten (talk) 17:30, 20 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, looks pretty good. I haven't found much to comment on, but a few suggestions:

Lead

The lead seems a little bare, I think you might want to add more detail to it. Some suggestions below:
I think you might want to say more clearly who he was in the first sentence, i.e. "was a English clerk who was executed..." or something like that.
"After a few years in regular employment" Also might think about noting some jobs here.
"He had dark hair and a beard, was 5 foot 3½ inches tall, and weighed less than 10 stones." You should probably add conversions for these measurements.
"similarities between the Ripper's crimes and Bury's, led the media and executioner James Berry to link the two. Bury protested his innocence in the Ripper crimes, and the police discounted him as a suspect." Might want to note whether this link was dismissed or accepted by later writers about the Ripper.
Also might want to note the role his death had in anti-capital punishment sentiment in Dundee.

Wording

"was sacked for theft" Is "sacked" Ok to use in formal prose in British English? I have the same question about "drinking buddy".
"She had worked as a needlewoman and in a jute factory." What is a jute factory? Is there a good wikilink for that? I have the same question about "eversion".

Other

"William had obtained the key under false pretences by telling the letting agents he was interested in renting the property" So it has been established that he never planned to pay rent?
"and more recently William Beadle and Dundee librarian Euan Macpherson have published books and articles popularising Bury as a Ripper suspect" Could you be more specific about the time than "more recently"? Maybe add the decades or something.
So the impression I get is that most Ripper experts don't see him as a likely suspect. If so, might want to explicitly state that in the end. Mark Arsten (talk) 15:40, 21 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review.
I've expanded the lead and added conversions.
I couldn't find a link for eversion; but have changed "jute factory" to "jute processing factory". I'm not really sure about "sacked" and "buddy" - in the OED the former is labelled "slang" and the latter "colloq. (orig. U.S.)." - I've no objection to change these to "dismissed" and "friend" if necessary.
I've tried to clarify the sentence on William obtaining the key under false pretences [1].
"more recently" changed to "100 years after the Ripper murders".
I've added a sentence at the end. DrKiernan (talk) 11:02, 24 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, fixes and explanations look good. Sorry about adding a typo! I guess "eversion" is fine as is, since there's really no better way to put it. Mark Arsten (talk) 17:09, 25 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Images are fine, although File:William Henry Bury.jpg could use a link in the source field. Mark Arsten (talk) 17:03, 25 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Spotchecked references: 13, 17, and 97, no issues found. Looks GA quality to me, I'll pass it now. Good work! Mark Arsten (talk) 17:58, 25 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.