Talk:William Coddington/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 06:15, 17 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

My comments should be up within a few days

Thanks! Sarnold17 (talk) 11:43, 17 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Sure thing. This is taking longer than I thought, though. Sorry for the delay. Expect it up within 24 hours from now. Snuggums (talk / edits) 21:41, 21 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I am still writing this review, don't worry. Snuggums (talk / edits) 22:15, 22 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

After looking this through, Arnold, I'm sorry to say it was nominated prematurely. While you weren't the nominator, I'll tell you what the issues are.....

Lead

"a few months into this term"..... I would use his or the term

England and Massachusetts

An "early life" section/subsection at the beginning is missing
"William Coddington was likely the son of Robert and Margaret Coddington of Marston. His presumed father was a prosperous yeoman, and when in Rhode Island the younger Coddington possessed a seal with the initials "R.C.," likely that of his father."..... more definitive statements about his parents would be better to use
"As a young man he married by about 1626, and had two sons baptized at St. Botolph's Church in Boston, Lincolnshire, but both died in infancy and were buried at the same church"..... I would mention his sons names and when they lived
"His first wife was Mary, and speculation exists that she was Mary Burt, because Coddington once mentioned his 'cousin Burt' in a letter"..... this is borderline WP:WEASEL.
"Coddington was elected as a Massachusetts Bay Assistant (magistrate) on 18 March 1629/30"..... pick one year and stick with it based on what the best sources say

Antinomian Controversy

"In May 1636 the Bostonians"..... add a comma after "1636" per MOS:DATE
"Yet another boost"..... doesn't seem like the best tone
"By late 1636 the theological schism"..... see earlier point on May 1636
"During the appointed fast-day on Thursday, 19 January 1637"..... I don't think mentioning the day of week is needed here
"As early as March 1637"..... see earlier point on May 1636
"Henry Vane was replaced as governor by John Winthrop; in addition, Coddington and all the other Boston magistrates"..... I would split this into separate sentences after "Winthrop", and change "in addition" to "additionally"
"sailed back to England, never to return" → "sailed back to England and never returned"
"the time was ripe"..... inappropriate tone
"The aggressive challenges"..... I'm not convinced this is the most neutral description in this instance
"which convened on 2 November"..... gathered
For MOS reasons previously stated, add a comma after "On 7 November 1637"
"Coddington likely coached Hutchinson on legal matters at the end of the first day"..... WP:WEASEL
"during the second day she made the work much easier for her accusers"..... reads awkwardly, and "made the work much easier" doesn't seem like appropriate tone

Rhode Island

Any reason there isn't a subsection at the beginning at this section?
"still angry at the injustice of the recent trials"..... is injustice the most neutral term to use here? I think it would be safer to say "results" or "end"
"In 1640 the two towns of Portsmouth and Newport"..... needs a comma after "1640" per MOS
Add commas after "As the chief magistrate of the island", "on 13 April 1644", and "In September 1648"
"The two island towns grew and prospered at a much greater rate than the mainland settlements of Providence and newly established Shawomet (later Warwick). Roger Williams, who envisioned a union of all four settlements on the Narragansett Bay, went to England to obtain a patent bringing all four towns under one government. Williams was successful in obtaining this document late in 1643, and it was brought from England and read to representatives of the four towns in 1644."..... source?
"So unhappy was Coddington over uniting with the mainland towns"..... reads awkwardly
"This is also the year that Coddington's second wife, Mary, died in Newport"..... 1643 or 1647?

Coddington commission

Add scomma after "On 6 March 1650" and "In August 1651"
"In 1643 Roger Williams went to London" needs a comma after 1643
"Historian Thomas Bicknell, on the other hand, found Coddington's actions to be totally justified"..... inappropriate tone
"After all, Bicknell asserted" → "Bicknell asserted that"

Revocation of commission

John Clarke should link to John Clarke (Baptist minister), and remove "Dr." per WP:CREDENTIAL. I'm not sure "venerable" is needed.
"Whether true or not" is unneeded detail, remove it
Is "finally" the best word choice in "Finally able to accept the united government of the four towns"?

Later career

Add commas after "Sometime in the early 1660s", "In March 1665", "In May 1675", and "In June 1675" per MOS
"when in May 1673 he was elected as Deputy Governor under Governor Nicholas Easton"..... I would put the time range at the end of this bit
"While a calm greeted this administration, the storms of war had been brewing for years, even decades"..... reads awkwardly and doesn't seem like appropriate tone
"the most devastating event"..... not a very neutral description
"During the 1676 election, Walter Clarke was elected governor, and this administration saw the end of the war. However, the experience of the venerated elders of the colony was still sought, so in 1677 Benedict Arnold was elected governor, and upon his death a year later, Coddington was elected to his final term as governor. He was in office only a few months, dying at the beginning of November in 1678." needs to be sourced

Death, family, and legacy

"A harbor, street, cemetery, and apartment complex in Newport bear his name, and a restaurant in Middletown, Rhode Island, the Coddington Brewery, is named for him" is missing a citation
Given how his first and second marriages are mentioned earlier in the article, I would either move them here or integrate his third marriage into the article body
It would help to note that Nathaniel's son William is William Coddington III
"the daughter of Benedict and Mary (Turner) Arnold, and granddaughter of Governor Benedict Arnold" → "the daughter of Benedict Arnold, Jr. and Mary Turner, and granddaughter of Governor Benedict Arnold"
If including Edward Hutchinson (captain), it might be worth mentioning his wife Katherine Hamby
"A portrait often ascribed to Governor Coddington actually portrays this grandson, who was very active in colonial affairs, but never a governor"..... this contradicts the caption used for the image in this section, and I'm not sure it's even needed to being with
For the "a worldly man, a selfish man, nothing for public, but all for himself and private" quote, is this Williams describing Coddington, or Coddington describing Williams? Its current phrasing makes this hard to tell.
"had this to say of him"..... inappropriate tone, just use "said of him" or "said of Coddington"

References

It could help to give subsection for the footnotes
FN's 6, 8, and 31–57 all have HARVref errors, these need to be fixed

Bibliography

History of the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations (1859), Genealogical Dictionary of Rhode Island (1887), The History of the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations (1920), "John Wheelwright's Forgotten Apology: The Last Word in the Antinomian Controversy" (March 1991), The Life and Times of Samuel Gorton (1907), Radical Origins, Early Mormon Converts and Their Colonial Ancestors (2004), William Coddington in Rhode Island Colonial Affairs: An Historical Inquiry (1878), and The Times and Trials of Anne Hutchinson: Puritans Divided (2005) all have HARVref erros that need fixing, it's otherwise difficult to tell when these are being used within the article
The Find-a-Grave link should instead be in "External links"

External links

I'm not convinced the "Background on Coddington portrait (Brown University online portrait collection)" link is really needed
The "Coddington portrait" link gives an error message, so I'd remove this

Overall

Well-written?: Needs a thorough copyedit, and there are instances of WP:OVERLINK that need to be checked
Verifiable?: Three unsourced statements, and the many HARVref errors make much of this article's content difficult to verify.
Broad in coverage?: Close- I feel some bits could use elaboration
Neutral?: Almost, but not quite
Stable?: All good
Illustrated, if possible, by images?: File:JohnWinthropColorPortrait.jpg is tagged as needing additional licensing information. I personally would've liked to see an image of Coddington himself in the infobox, but it seems that none are available, so using his gravestone is fine. Not sure whether File:William Coddington by Thomas Mathewson 1857.jpg is needed.
Pass or Fail?: Given the extensive prose and verification issues, I'm going to fail this nomination. Too many problems me to place it on hold. Better luck next time. Snuggums (talk / edits) 05:44, 23 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]