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GA Review

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Reviewer: Viriditas (talk · contribs) 10:35, 20 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I will be reviewing this article in the next few days, with a completed review scheduled for Tuesday, April 24. Viriditas (talk) 10:35, 20 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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  • The natural beauty and culture of Portland feature prominently
    • I would prefer to see this added to the above sentence.
  • A few critics complained of a plot that sometimes dragged, the cloying use of local color, and violence that could be inappropriate for some readers.
    • Describing a literary criticism as a "complaint" gives the impression of editorial bias, indirect or not. I would rephrase this sentence with an ear for neutrality.
      • I've reworded the lead. The Decemberists are still mentioned at the end of the paragraph; in reference to Meloy working on the series while taking a break from the band. Note that almost every reviewer made much of Meloy's celebrity author status, expressing at least some skepticism that a pop musician could, or should, write. Or just discussing the band because it was of interest, or noting the common features of Meloy's song lyrics and his book. Reviewers also emphasize the importance of the setting as "a character" in the book, as Meloy puts it. But I'd also be happy to take all of that out of the lead and just say it's a fantasy novel set in Portland. (Not sure if I should be putting a {{done}} under every bullet, or one big comment, or wait until the rest of the review.) --Dennis Bratland (talk) 15:58, 20 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • for ages 9 and up
    • IMO, it is unusual to include this in a book lead and should probably be removed. Similarly, we don't list film ratings or video game ratings in the lead. Sometimes, infoboxes may be used for this purpose.
  • Please describe the plot in the lead and summarize the main points of the article. Usually, development and recognition such as the E.B. White Read Aloud Award, should be added to the lead. See WP:LEAD for more info. Viriditas (talk) 10:54, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Plot

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  • Prue and Curtis become entangled in the intrigue and wars of the Wood, and learn their true nature as "half-breeds", having a mystical connection to the Wood that allows them to pass through the Woods Magic barrier, the Periphery Bind, that keeps the Outsiders, or ordinary people of Portland, out.
    • Why do you have a footnote in the plot section? Was there a past dispute over content? Viriditas (talk) 04:03, 21 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • I had intended to write out a much longer and more detailed plot summary, with careful footnotes with page numbers, but then I decided the initial, shorter version was closer to what the guidelines call for. There's still a commented out draft of a much longer plot summary, but it should probably be deleted unless somebody thinks greater detail is called for. --Dennis Bratland (talk) 04:08, 21 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Setting

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  • Meloy said, "I really do think the main character of the book is Wildwood and its different provinces."
    • That quote appears out of nowhere and surprises the reader. It would work better as a pull quote on the right. You could move the St. Johns Bridge image down farther on the left to make room. Otherwise, you could paraphrase it or work it into the body of the text in a different way.
  • Nearly every location in the book is inspired by a real life place.
    • Try to merge this in to the first sentence you've used. Something like this: "The setting of the St. Johns neighborhood of Portland and the Impassible Wilderness, based on Forest Park, is vital to Wildwood, as nearly every location in the book is inspired by a real place." Not perfect, but you see how I've merged this into a more coherent narrative? I'm sure you can come up with something better.
  • Ellis noted there are a number of stunningly large trees
    • It's best to avoid unnecessary adverbs. What is a stunningly large tree? At what height does a tree become stunningly large? Instead, talk more about the specific reaction of the author. "When I saw this tree, I felt..."
  • Because the St. Johns Bridge does not normally exist, except by casting a spell with runes, in the fictional parallel universe of the book, the only direct access Prue and Curtis have to pursue the crows into the Impassible Wilderness is a risky dash over the train tracks of the Railroad Bridge, the Burlington Northern Railroad Bridge 5.1 in our world, since there is no footpath.
    • Yikes! Please remember your reader who may not know as much about the book as you do. In fact, you should assume they know nothing about the book, so you want to hold their hand and slowly explain to them what is going on. I realize you are trying to follow WP:INUNIVERSE by adding "the fictional parallel universe" and "in our world" but you are relying only on the book instead of secondary sources, which is generally frowned upon as it could lead to editorial interpretation. Do we have other sources (besides the book) that talk about this?
      • I've revised this and explicitly pointed out that the section on the Ghost Bridge/St. Johns Bridge comes from a discussion between a reader and the authors, in the audio clip cited. It's different from the other setting elements because it's something Meloy removed from Wildwood, and its absence is conspicuous because it's this gigantic steel bridge. The bridge would take you straight up to the Impassible Wilderness, which is supposed to be a place where nobody ever goes. So it was a clever device on Meloy's part to remove it but make it a magical apparition, in order to make his story work, and it attracted interest from his readers, who were, in the case of the citation, Portland residents. --Dennis Bratland (talk) 17:47, 24 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The character of contemporary Portland, or at least a popular stereotype of Portland's youth culture, is expressed in Prue and Curtis, and Prue's parents.
    • I like this very much, but does Minard or Dederer actually say this? Of course, that is what they are getting at, but as editors we want to be careful to adhere closely to the sources.
      • Minrad said she worried that the book would be "a pile of obnoxious show-off aimed at adult Decemberists fans and dressed trendily in kid-friendly wrapping. I didn't think this because I hate the Decemberists (I don't) or hipsters (ugh, that word)." but that it was "not remotely the affected bullshit I feared. Yes, its characters are bespectacled, bike-riding, vinyl-­browsing, Kurosawa-­referencing children." Certainly "pretentious hobbies", i.e. Kurosawa film, vinyl records, and an excessive love of bicycling are references to Portland's youth culture, in the the eyes of the national US audience. In the talk page is a link to a Salon article that delves into popular image of Portland. Brown's feature in The Atlantic said "Adult readers will smile at the copious modern references (Jean Grey and Kurosawa, anyone?) and the flavor of Portland is also heady throughout, from farmers' markets and craft fairs, to a scene in which the heroine threads the front fork dropout of her bicycle." Westmoore noted Prue's "hippy parents (her mother is knitting something unidentifiable from “an amoeba of yarn”)". I added some cites.--Dennis Bratland (talk) 18:18, 24 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Development history

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Reception

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Adaptations

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  • I rewrote this material so that it wouldn't become dated. Feel free to add anything back in as long as it will stand the test of time. Saying that Laika is best known for Coraline might be true now, but might not be true a year from now. It's also not entirely relevant unless we are talking about specific production aspects that will carry over from that film, which you might be able to add. Viriditas (talk) 11:29, 24 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

References

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  • De Groote, Kate (age 10)
  • Ellis, James (age 13)
    • Any reason you haven't incorporated De Groote and Ellis into the reception section? Just curious.
      • There's a few things. The two reviews are just plot synopses followed by "it was good." They don't give reasons why it was good. I wouldn't expect a 10 or 13 year old to finish a 530 page book unless they really liked it, so there's a selection bias against kids who didn't enjoy it reviewing it at all. All that said, the adult reviews all come with a lot of baggage, like obsessing over Meloy's fame, or on hipster references that kids won't care about. The point of view of the actual target reader is interesting in its own right, and is worth including, but is also unique and deserves to be called out separately. If I'd written a summary, I'm not sure how I could have treated them properly, given the range of biases, so I thought it best to only link to them because anything I said would be potentially misleading. --Dennis Bratland (talk) 03:09, 23 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • A few issues with the external links.[1] Viriditas (talk) 08:21, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

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GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. :: Lead should summarize the main points, including plot, development, recognition, awards, etc.
  3. :: Plot could use another rewrite. Try to write for someone who has never heard of the book.
  4. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
    Checking setting section for OR...
    Checklinks lists OregonLive.com links as in the process of expiring. You might want to use an archiving service like WebCite to archive the URL before it disappears.
  5. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  6. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  7. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  8. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  9. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
    Minor issues with lead and plot listed above. Recommend expanding lead, rewriting plot section, and archiving expiring links to citations.
    A good effort was made by the nominator to fix these issues, but the changes were somewhat problematic. To pass this article, I replaced the lengthy 1282+ plot summary (which was written by the nominator) with a shorter synopsis (also written by the nominator). I then proceeded to cleanup the prose throughout the entire article. Feel free to raise any outstanding concerns about my changes at Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Novels. Thanks. Viriditas (talk) 05:45, 8 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]