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I'm not going to make a checklist. I'm just going to list out the problems I see:
Intro: "Powell was inspired to write the episode after reading a critic's review of the series which called Leonard omnipotence, which spurred an idea involving him having to take responsibility." Too many 'whiches'
Plot: "Meanwhile, the demons—the wizard's enemies—are ready to attack Mount Magic, but a force field keeps them out." Change 'keeps' to 'is keeping'
Plot: "To get Mark to come along, they elect him as the camp leader for a summer camp (originally a mining camp) that they built nearby" Change 'built' to 'build
Plot: "Moments later, when initiation ceremony begins at Mount Magic, the demons invade the compound and a battle between wizards and demons commence" Change 'commence' to 'commences'
"while Lionel runs away to be with Callie, who being the camp's "sexy counselor", flashes him before Mark interrupts." Comma needed after 'who'
"Grimes arrives with his army of bears and soon thereafter, Doug arrives in a hole that he dug, which collapses the floor and all the demons and bears are consumed by the hole." Rewrite this sentence. Too run-ony and uses the word "hole" too much
Production: "Leonard would be responsible of dealing with a kid" Change 'of' to 'for'
Production: "Grimes is shown to settle into living his life as a bear." Change to "Grimes is shown settling into his life as a bear."
Reception: "steadier" Word choice? I'd say ""Wet Demonic Summer" marked a drop in ratings compared to the first season finale, "The Manbirds", which received a 0.7 rating."
Reception: "Lastly Wagner observed..." Comma needed after 'lastly'
